#textpost funny

[macaulaytwins]

Lady Macbeth will be like “I know a spot” and then proceed to scrub at her hands like a madwoman

[finite-incantetem]

If I have a daughter I’m going to name her Hydrogen but call her Hydie because since Hydie’s not usually nickname for something only she and I will know the true origin of her name and she’ll face humiliation whenever she’s required to include her full name on formal applications

[randomstuffthatdidnthappen-blog]

One time, I was in class and suddenly post malone walked in, but no one in our class likes post malone and one girl threw a banana at him and was all started to clap and post malone cried

[apostates-anonymous]

Inhalers are just cheep vape

[mikozume-blog]

Me: what a sad movie omfg : (

A friend: what movie is sad?

Me, turning to gaze out the window of the classroom: ahhhh... yes... that's right... this isn't a movie...

A friend:

Me:

A friend:

Me:

Me:

Me: goddammit.

[justmadeline1225]

boys offer you their jackets because they have a thick coat of fake masculinity to keep them warm

[owlflytothestars]

youtube autoplay gives me anxiety

[azaleachubbybunny]

A Thought I had

What if we peed out what we actually drank? That coffee you drank an hour ago? There it goes. That purple slushy? A warm, purple liquid will come out.