Peter Brouwer ·
An Open Letter to All Women Forced to Live in a World of Epstein's.
By GREGORY PETTYS
The release of yet more Epstein files seems to many to be the final curtain call of an awful age of illusion. The phoney facade of a seemingly “civilized” world is rapidly caving in on itself and is, to put it mildly, rather startling. And for women, as should seem obvious, the details revealed in the Epstein files are even more alarming. As a father of a five year old daughter, I am terrified of men myself, and I am one. Like many of us, I am overwhelmed by the constant barrage of societal meltdown. It’s taking all I can just to stay afloat these days, but stay afloat we must, and we must do so with the wellbeing of others in mind.
The algorithms recently stumbled me across an interview with Ian MacKenzie and Nisha Moodley that had me spinning. Nisha put in words what I know many of us have been feeling for sometime but have been either too afraid, too tired or simply too confused to express it. In essence, she rightly named that there is an Epstein present in most men and we had better look deeply at this shadow if we are ever going to heal the root cause of this unspeakable societal sickness now lurking through seemingly all corridors of modern society and finally begin building the more beautiful world our hearts know is possible.
Nisha posted on social media about a week ago An Open Letter to Men on the Release of the Epstein Files. In this post she posed some important questions we all need to marinate over (especially us men-folk). She also made some powerful statements and requests that have initiated in me necessary, albeit discomforting reflection. I feel called now to honor her courage by answering them one by one. I won’t be able to accurately express everything arising in me now, just as I am almost sure she wasn’t able to address everything now arising in her. Shit’s simply too fucked up now for complete statements to be made, but we need to keep this conversation going nonetheless.
Please feel free men, to go through these and answer for yourself. It’s ok to stumble. But it’s not ok to remain silent.
Let’s go.
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Watch: Epstein's Underage Victims Film Powerful PSA Urging Congress to ...
Question One: Brother, please tell us clearly what you feel about the things coming to light right now.
I feel fucking terrible. I feel angry, disoriented and sad. I feel disgusted. I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin and escape manhood and human existence altogether. I want to be set free from this modern fuckery. I want to know what it’s like to not have to have assholes like Epstein in my consciousness every day. I feel confused. I still find the world to be beautiful but dreadfully incompetent and forgetful.
I feel scared for my daughter, betrayed by my country, by my fellow men, the religion of my father, etc. There is little that makes any sense now. The kind are cruel and the cruel are kind. It snows in summer and is hot in the fall. I am a peaceful man who feels borderline hatred for everyone who voted for Trump. It’s hard for me to not see them all as pedophile-supporting Klansmen. I feel overwhelmed by it all, nauseated and dizzy. I can’t sleep most nights. It feels like the world is ending. I close my eyes and I see dragons.
People can name more corporate logos than they can native plants that grow in their front yard. People stare infinitely into their screens, numb at the site of genocide, too sheltered from the elemental world to even notice the ecocide occurring directly in front of them. What has been revealed with the release of the Epstein files seems to sum everything up. The way we treat women and children mirrors how we treat our Mother Earth. Our culture is not a culture at all. We died the day we left home. We don’t even know what home is anymore. We failed you dear sisters. We led you astray. And for what? Same day delivery? Air conditioning and guns?
I feel like I want to do something about it all but so too do I feel utterly incapable of knowing where to begin. I feel like nothing will be done to Trump or any of the men responsible for the suffering of all these girls. I feel rage at the Christian church for not saying more. Actors in Hollywood talk a good talk, but they won’t walk away from their posh existence. Leonardo dates 20 year olds while pretending he cares about daughters on the big screen. He tells people to love Gaia while partying with Bezos.
All the world’s a stage. No one seems to give a shit. No one but Greta. And it kills me.
I feel suddenly like sex is a violent act. I feel like the elite of the world are all monsters and modernity has killed all gods capable of saving us. I feel remorseful. I feel weak. The white fragility is real. There is a price to pay for forfeiting all actual wisdom and strength in exchange for power. Now here we are. Centuries later, nowhere else to sail to. So we steal the innocence of young children. I feel somehow responsible for it all, even though I didn’t do any of this personally. Yet maybe I did in some way. I realize it’s so different to walk through the world as a white male than as a woman or with black skin. It is totally possible that I have made women feel uncomfortable before and didn’t even realize it. I feel shame.
It was first the #metoo movement that shed light on how naive I was. I had no idea how many of my female friends had been abused. Almost every one.
Almost…
…every
…one.
And would ya look at that. Only a woman has been jailed regarding the Epstein files. Fucking A.
Brother, please tell us how you speak to other men about hard things.
There aren’t many men around me I can speak to about hard things. Men have been taught to keep their cool. Obviously, very few of us actually are that cool, which is why we freak out so easily. I feel like I need more male friends in general. I am surrounded by loads of men who love solitude, smoking weed, having fun. We see each other and are cordial. But do we talk deeply about hard things? Rarely. I have to find online groups for that kind of thing. But it’s all been a bit murky so far. There is a… type.
Your pal, Ian MacKenzie knows the type. Mytho-poetic bros who like to wax poetic about the masculine need to commit but still tend to want their cake and to eat it too. Not all of these men ride this particular wave, but enough do that it is deserving of a proper discussion. They often critique Epstein playboys, yet appear to crave the same things, in a slightly different way. They reframe lustful quest as tantric polyamory, suggesting some curious desire to empower women, but I wonder how many women are truly into this trend? Or if they, like Epstein’s girls, were pressured into it all for various reasons. But what do I know? I need more men (and women) to speak with about this. If you’re out there, lets talk. It’s not easy to to talk about hard things.
Brother, please share with us the ways your wreckoning with what woman, non-binary and queer folks have had to carry, along with folks of the global majority.
I’m reading books. I’m listening to podcasts. I’m sitting still and trying to unlearn everything. I’m attempting to rediscover hope. I’m walking in forests and crying a lot. I’m trying to learn about, understand and forgive my bloodline. And mostly, I’m trying to become a better man, by listening deeply to everyone who doesn’t look like me.
I make mistakes constantly. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m making shit up as I go and asking Riverstones, Stars and Caterpillars for guidance. As we seem to live now in a perpetually adolescent era hellbent on never growing up or having to interact with another human other than the Amazon delivery guy, it’s hard to find genuine elders or friends who know much about important matters anymore, so books have become my elders. I reckon I wreckon most with them.
As I am a white, cis-gendered male with a U.S. passport, it’s hard to genuinely understand what these times must be like for women, binary and queer folk. I listen to stories from my wife, a dark skinned woman from the Laos/Thai border. I listen to my indigenous, queer and non-binary friends, etc. and try to feel the world through their skin. I listen to dogs and cats and birds and whispering trees. I listen to the buzzing of refrigerators, airplanes and mosquitos. I can’t understand what they are saying most of the time however, because the world is entirely made for my benefit. My ability to see differently atrophied with the onslaught of Manifest Destiny. Everything is written in English now and everyone wears t-shirts these days. Science silenced the trees and now its it’s nothing but big gulps and twinkies for days.
I want to understand you. I don’t want to be a burden.
Brother, please learn from people with more marginalized identities than you.
I will.
Brother, please grieve well and often.
I will. Thank you.
Brother, please face your homophobia (even that internalized shit).
Once I was flying into Kashgar from Urumqi, in Xinjiang. The man sitting next to me was crying and asked me to hold his hand. I obliged. I felt so strange doing so. I’m not sure why. All he wanted was someone to comfort him. I will continue to explore this.
Brother, please care of the most vulnerable in your home.
This is powerful. What a wonderful thing to say. Thankyou. I will. I vow to center the vulnerable. I am certain this will change the world.
Brother, please get between us and the ones who seek to harm us.
I will. You have my word dear sister. I will make a commitment to protect you, as well as all children and our shared Mother Earth. I will learn how to do this. I will listen to women, trees and all marginalized people and find the courage to CENTER THE VULNERABLE. I may fail, but you can trust that I will do my best.
Please forgive me for the times I stayed silent because I was afraid to lose friends or drunk on self pity. You have known far greater pain than me and deserve to be seen.
Thank you for this. I will allow this seed to grow. Please hold me accountable.
All blessings to you, to my daughter and mother and all women of the world. I don’t know what to do next. But I will show up and I won’t turn a blind eye.
