HOW LONG HAVE XE REMAINED IN THIS HOUSE ? Xe thinks it is only a few days , but xe feels like weeks had passed by already , breathing and burning all at once . [ Such time and space does not ever apply to a being ( ? ) like xem ; you are not living or dying , but simply existing / suffering / existing . ] Slowly , xyr bruises lose the dull continuous aches while xyr cuts become faint memories , healed under the touches of Roman . Though , every time xe places xyr body down , even with the most gentleness that xe can give to xemself , xe still recalls the falling — xe believes xe is and xe can not stop crying . IthurtsithurtsithurtsRoman . Now , as xe sits on the couch in the living room , xe is accompanied by Roman , and then the heaviness fill in xem at his soft question , a bringing of violence :
❛ Do you have a home ? ❜ [ * @thecannery ]
THERE IS SILENCE . There is wondering — where do you belong to ? You are the Fool , the newborn wanderer , ever travelling in between the sky and the sea [ where the stars burns harsher with your eyes on them so they can die faster / where the waves only wants to consume you whole and raw ; the world is telling you / reminding you that you belong to nowhere / no one / nothing , that you are never meant to belong in the end . ] You realize that you have been travelling across time and space for so long — forever and more , yet there is no place that does not need / want you here or anywhere . ( I am all unneeded , unwanted , unloved . ) Tears fall , as so is xyr strength . ❝ No , Roman , I - I - I do not . ❞ It tastes of blood to say this confession out loud in a whisper . It feels wrong . ❝ I . . . never have a home . . . ❞ But xe still thinks itstrueitstrueithurtssomuch —
XE STARES DOWN STILL , AFRAID TO SEE HIS REACTION , but there are only hands reaching out , silent tenderness enveloping xyr shaken existence . In response , more tears fall , as so is xe now . ❝ I never . . . ❞ Xe covers xyr face and leans xemself closer to Roman , xyr one arm pressed against his chest . [ Xe thinks xe hears him saying something to xem , but all there is are static statics it hurts statics statics . ] Harsh breathing with whimpers build and his arms around xem tighten then , calming xem down from the horrible realization . He keeps rubbing the nameless figure on the back to keep xem from leaving the reality to the fog with broken colours and blurry shapes , and xe closes their eyes falls deeper into his embrace to have that rare kindness closer to xem , xyr mind telling xem : Is this a home ? Is it ? Is it ?
