I have this weird feeling like my own thoughts are not my own somehow, they just seem guionized, or that i planned to think that before but i haven't??? I just feel so detached from them and they just feel unreal and unnatural??? It's that normal????
Thanks for your question. I looked up guionized because I wasn’t sure what it meant, and I honestly couldn’t find a definition for it or figure out what other word you mean, so that part I’m not really going to be able to answer. BUT! On to the rest of your question.
Okay, so, from what you’ve described it sounds to me like you might be dissociating. Dissociation is pretty normal, but it can become problematic or maladaptive. Daydreaming and doing tasks “on autopilot” are some examples of “normal” dissociating. “Dissociation” at its core is a normal brain function. We need to “dissociate” from thoughts in order to shift focus. For example, I need to dissociate myself from thoughts and feelings about my pet in order to focus on school. That kind of separation of thought is normal and necessary.
We developed this mechanism of dissociation in order to protect ourselves, in a way, from distressing things. When something emotionally distressing happens, on way to deal with it and make our brain feel less stressed is to think about something else do reduce that distress. Sometimes, this response goes as far and to not really think about anything at all. If this works and we feel less stressed, our brain is like “Yes, this is good, this is a good way to deal with problems, let’s keep doing this.” This is more likely to happen in childhood when we are young because our ability to cope with stressful situations and challenges is smaller. Even though this works when we’re kids, it isn’t really the best thing to do as we get older.
The best way to deal with maladaptive dissociation is psychotherapy. Therapy can help you address the situations that cause us to dissociate, and gain better coping mechanisms to manage emotional distress. Dealing with dissociation can help us learn better, feel better about ourselves, feel more alert, more in control, and feel more satisfied with life.
More resources on dissociation:
dissociation and dissociative disorders
the dissociative initiative
one of our posts describing dissociation and with a bunch of information on it
Because of all this, I really recommend you seek the help of a mental health professional. If you don’t already have one, talking to your family doctor can be a good place to start. They can help connect you with appropriate resources. If you go to school (either high school or college/university), there are likely resources there that could help you. Your highschool will probably have a school counselor, a teacher you trust can help you. If you go to a college or university, they often have a counselling or mental health centre.