#things overheard

[lesser-sage-of-stars]

"its like watching a fortnight player assemble ikea furniture"

quote over heard from someones open mic in space marine 2, i think there was a table top game going on in the background

[legowerewolf]

this got dropped in a server's "things I overheard" channel today:

My sister threw me out to the wolves. Well guess what? I've come back as the leader of the pack.

My immediate thought, of course, as all things have been lately, was Danny Phantom.

Jazz wouldn't throw him to the wolves, but his parents? They'd happily disown the despicable ghost that has replaced their son and tricked them for so long.

It'd be such a shame for them to later see that same awful ghost wearing the Crown of Fire.

[ohnakatransportsolutions]

Gar: Okay this is getting ridiculous. Malta. Malta! Pick up the comm.!

Malta: This is Malta, what is it Gar?

Gar: Another ship crashed! I have to contact Hondo.

Malta: Don’t, bother Hondo.

Gar: I have to! I’m paging the boss. Paging Hondo! Paging Hondo Ohnaka!

Hondo: This is Hondo

Gar: Sir, there's a serious problem with one of your ships.

Hondo: A problem? Ha! What problem? I have the best ships in all the galaxy. At Ohnaka Transport Solutions.

Gar: Well! One of ‘the best ships in the galaxy’ just launched and crashed into the fuel depot. That can’t be good

Hondo: *nervous laughing* Ah heh It is not a problem! We’ll get this fixed right up! And you, my fine employee, you decided to go and bring this to my attention over the intercom!? Yes!? Heh! What is your name?

Malta: Hang up hang up hang up!

Gar: Uh, I gotta go!

Hondo: Ah ha heh! What is your name sir?

Gar: Uhhhh I, uh, Yondo Manaka BYE!

[maketheplanblue]

DanPlan as random shit my friends have said

“Do you have holes in your ears?” -Stephen

“My skin feels tight”-Dan

“Don’t call me an idiot, you idiotic idiot”-Stephen

“ARE THOSE HYENAS KISSING THAT RHYNOSOROS??” -Hosuh

“IS THAT BEAR FIHING WITH A STICK??” -Hosuh

“Imagine me in a tutu”-Stephen

“I feel homeless”-Dan

[kirsty-ann]

Things overheard in Drama Club:

"You can kill yourself AFTER the final show night, babe"

"Fuck me in the ass and call me Daddy Warbucks"

"Watch me strip, now watch me nae nae"

"BITCH GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKING SOUR CREAM AND ONION PRINGLES I WILL FIGHT YOU"

"I haven't peed in 2 years"

"GUYS. I finally got my period. God is real."

"Y'know what im craving?" "Dick? Because me too"

*running around menacingly brandashing hairspray and singing the batman theme tune* "Nanananananananana FREEZE HOLD!"

"What's your weapon of choice in a zombie apocalypse?" *in the batman theme* "FREEZE HOLD!"

*while getting makeup done with a beauty blender* "it feels like im being repeatedly punched in the face by a baby bunny"

"I love playing an 11 year old american child because whenever i forget my lines i can just say 'aw gee' and im almost 90% garunteed to be right."

[reasontokill]

Overheard at the canteen

I was eating lunch with my friends when I look over and see this teacher come up to this student and ask what happened to his hand because it had a bandage around it. His friend was also there, and this is the conversation that happened:

Injured boy: I jumped down a cliff

Friend: you jumped off a cliff and only broke your hand?

Injured: yes

Teacher: Why?

Friend: it’s probably an imaginary cliff, you were probably pretending to be the cliff, weren't you?

Injured: I was trying to be Superman.

I had to shove my hand into my mouth to stop laughing.

[queenpaperdragon]

Guy 1: Which is more powerful, 30 Jedi or a Mandolin?

Guy 2: ....

Guy 2: Jesus

Guy 1: Good answer

[hyperactiveflame]

things overheard v2

"AU where Napoleon Dynamite and Napoleon Bonaparte are switched in history"