Oof guys how the heck do you keep writing a fic and not get caught up in how long a sentence should be?? I'm properly horrified and have no clue on what to do. Big sigh. I'm starting my SAI fic which has some ideas already. I'm...just not sure how you keep writing...when you feel like it's dragging or something.
I was finally able to get around and take a couple of pictures. This one is my favorite by far. Uploading this picture is nerve-wracking, and I'm so scared. I want to like me.
AN: I wasn't going to post before it's finished, but I thought this might be the push I need to finally finish it so here we are. Thank you in advance if you read. I will love you forever if you reblog/reply. Hope you enjoy!
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Now
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"Is everything okay with you and Eddie?"
When Buck looked up from his phone, Bobby was sitting on the bench next to him, and he was waiting expectantly for an answer.
Too bad Buck didn't really have an answer; not a truthful one anyway. "Of course it is, Cap. Why do you ask?"
Bobby shrugged. "You two seem to be avoiding each other; it's been happening for the past couple of days. I just thought I'd check in."
Buck tried to appear nonchalant. "Nothing's going on, cap," he was short with him, even though he hadn't meant to be. He wanted this conversation to be over already.
"Buck-"
"Look, Bobby, we still work together just fine. We're professional, right?"
"Yes, but that's not what I'm talking about."
He slammed his locker shut, grabbed his duffel and looked his captain in the eye. "That's all I'm willing to talk about, Bobby. If it starts to affect our work, tell me, otherwise- just leave it."
Bobby didn't say anything, didn't react much save for a short nod. It made Buck feel guilty. "I'm sorry, Bobby."
"Don't be, kid. You're entitled to your privacy. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
Tears filled his eyes, and Bobby seemed to notice. The older man sighed and stepped forward, both hands settling on Buck's shoulders. "It's okay, kid," he assured him, a small sad smile on his lips. "Just know I'm here and I'm willing to listen, okay?" At Buck's nod, he patted his shoulder and stepped away. He stopped at the doorway, and called his name.
Buck wiped his face roughly, then turned back to him. "Yeah?"
"Whatever it is, it's gonna be okay. You two can make it through anything. You've proven that more than once."
Buck wished that were true.
-
Then
-
"Can you please get it over with?"
Eddie clenched his jaw, but didn’t spare him a glance as he kept looking ahead. His hands were tight on the steering wheel. Buck closed his eyes, let his head rest back against the headrest and winced. He was dizzy, his wrist ached, he had a blinding headache and he really needed his bed. Having an argument right now was at the very bottom of the list of things Buck needed right now, but Eddie giving him the silent treatment was somehow worse.
"Eddie-"
"Not now, Buck," he cut him off, harsh and incredibly cold.
"Fine," he sighed.
"Fine," Eddie bit out.
-
After his fifth failed attempt to unlock the door, Eddie wordlessly pushed him aside and unlocked the door. He used his own key, and Buck couldn't stop staring at it, and at Eddie's hand, his long fingers. He shook his head, winced at the pain that shot up through his skull, nearly blinding him, and held onto the wall for support.
When he thought he could open his eyes without throwing up, he found Eddie watching him, thinly masked concern written all over his expression. It cleared when he saw Buck looking, and the anger was back. He went further inside the apartment, leaving Buck to trail after him, and got himself a glass of water.
Buck sighed. He didn't think drinking water could be aggressive, but Eddie proved him wrong.
"Eddie."
More aggressive chugging.
"Eddie."
"What?!" he snapped.
Buck felt his hackles rising. "What's going on?"
Both of them were breathing heavily now. Eddie was quiet for a few seconds, then- "are you gonna keep doing this?"
Buck could act like he didn't know exactly what Eddie meant, but he didn't have the patience. "Keep doing my job, you mean? Yeah, Eddie, I do."
"Your job? You- you could’ve gotten out earlier, you could have avoided having a fucking building fall on you."
Buck's anger was a real, living thing inside of him now. "You'd have done the same, Eddie. Hell, you have. It's our job to put our lives at risk."
Eddie shook his head. "No, it's not. Not like that, not like today."
They were standing face to face now, both angry and afraid. There was something electric in the way Eddie was looking at him, like something had shifted. "When you cut your line, three years ago, did I hold it against you? Did I ever bring it up? You risked your life then, just like I did today."
"That was different," Eddie told him, the words escaping through gritted teeth.
"No, it wasn't, and you know it."
They stared at each other, anger slowly seeping out. Buck took a minute to look at his best friend, and he found that now, all that remained in the other man's eyes was fear. "Eddie-" he started, cautious and quiet.
"I'm sorry," Eddie said, just as quiet, "you're right." He looked away, scrubbing a hand down his face. "You scared the hell out of me today, Buck."
"I get that, but you've never- you've never been this angry about it before, so- what gives?"
Eddie looked at him in a way that made Buck think he missed something. Eddie took a step back, hands in his pocket. "I'm gonna take off, do you need anything?"
Buck blinked, startled at the abrupt change. "I thought you were going to stay."
"Change of plans," he told him, looking down at his phone, "Bobby can come keep you company. I'm pretty sure he wanted to come anyway-"
"You always stay," he didn't mean for it to, but the words sounded small and a little betrayed.
Eddie's fingers faltered, and he looked up before he could send the message. "Buck, I can't-"
"You can," he insisted, "why won't you just talk to me?"
He tried to move around him, but Buck refused to let him. "Buck, not now."
He didn’t budge. "This isn't the first time I've done something reckless, and it's not even the worst, so why are you acting like this?" He asked him, throwing the hand that's not in a sling in the air.
"I don't fucking want to lose you, okay?!" Eddie burst out, face red and fists clenched. "You died three months ago. Right in front of me, and I couldn't do a thing about it. Before, there was always this part of me that was used to it- you get hurt, but eventually, you're okay. But now- now all I can think about whenever you do something stupid is those three minutes and seventeen seconds you were dead."
Buck softened, and his eyes filled with tears. "But, I'm okay. I'm alive, I'm breathing."
"Maybe you are but- I'm not, Buck. I'm holding my breath, because all I can think about is the time your luck will run out, and it's fucking inconvenient."
Buck's too stunned to speak, but he tries anyway. "I don't- I don't know what to say. Eds, I'm sorry that it scares you," Eddie flinched at this, but Buck went on, "but this is me. This is how I've always been."
"I know," Eddie told him, "this is on me. It's my problem, Buck."
"Tell me how to fix it."
"You can't," he told him, "and you don't have to, because it's not on you."
"Eds-"
He took a step back. "It doesn't matter. I gotta go," he said under his breath as he hurriedly gathered his jacket and ignored Buck calling his name.
"What? No, you can't- Eddie, wait."
Buck, all pain forgotten, raced after him. He grabbed his arm just before Eddie managed to make his escape. It's awkward with only one working arm, but Buck yanked him away from the door, and then backed him into it, trapping him between his body and the door. They're closer than he'd intended for them to be, but Buck couldn't bring himself to move away. He and Eddie are both breathing hard at this point, and with each second that passed, Eddie seemed more tense than before.
He lifted up a shaking hand and cradled Eddie's cheek gently. The other man wasn't really looking at Buck, but a gentle nudge had him looking up and into his eyes. "I'm sorry."
Eddie just shook his head.
That's when Buck noticed it- Eddie was holding his breath. For a second, he felt helpless, but then he swayed closer, and let his forehead rest on Eddie's.
It released some of the tension, had Eddie's shoulders slumping, but not enough. It took a minute, but Eddie finally looked him in the eye, and Buck's breath caught in his eyes.
Eddie's expression was complicated, and though at first it may have seemed blank, it didn't take long for Buck to figure out that it was merely a mask. He took a step closer, his lips only a hair away from Eddie's. He saw a flicker in Eddie's eyes. It was more than concern, more than anger, more than the guarded love Buck had become accustomed to. Eddie's eyes moved down to his lips, then back up, and oh. There was that look again.
Loving.
Desperate.
Hungry.
So Buck made the biggest gamble of his life.
He presses his lips to Eddie's in a short kiss that knocked the air out of his lungs and set him on fire. He pulled away slowly, needing to breathe and to assure himself that he hadn't made the biggest mistake of his life.
When he could bring himself to open his eyes, he looked at Eddie, who was frozen, eyes wide as he stared at Buck. Suddenly, all the warmth he'd felt earlier seeped right out of him and was replaced by horror. He stumbled back a step. "Eddie, I'm sorry-"
Eddie didn't let him finish. He lunged towards him, fusing their lips in a messy, uncoordinated kiss, more desperate than anything else, and framed his face with two gentle hands. It's possibly the best kiss Buck ever had.
They stumbled back into the living room, and over to where his lone arm chair sat. Eddie pulled back from him and looked at the space where his couch, the one he'd picked out with Natalia, used to be.
When Eddie's eyes found his, Buck shrugged. "It wasn't the right couch."
Eddie laughed, low and quiet, then pulled him back in. His hands roamed his back, restless, and Buck lost time as they traded kisses. He didn't know if they kisses for seconds or minutes, or hours. All he knew was that Eddie's lips were on his, his hands were everywhere, and Buck just wanted more.
So, he stepped backwards, and Eddie followed, lips now migrating towards his neck, his collarbone, the sensitive skin just below his ear. He unbuttoned his shirt slowly, clumsily and with one hand. Eddie was no help at all as his lips trailed off to bite and suck at Buck's neck. Buck gasped and when he couldn't take it anymore, his hand abandoned its mission to rid Eddie of his shirt, and found its way into his hair. He tugged just hard enough for him to pull back. The look Eddie gave him set him on fire. Buck brought their lips back together, and this kiss left them both gasping for air by the time they pulled back.
"Bed?" Eddie asks breathlessly, and Buck felt a thrill at the words. He grinned, boyish and happy, and Eddie's eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled too.
"Yeah," he said, voice hoarse. Eddie's eyes, if possible, grow darker, and he pulled Buck back in and into another searing kiss.
Buck managed to get Eddie's shirt off, though it took a lot more time than it should've. He had considered just ripping the thing apart, but that would require the use of two hands. Not to mention this was Eddie's favorite shirt.
They somehow managed to make their way up the stairs without falling, which was a miracle considering the fact that Eddie's hands had made their way under Buck's shirt, touch searing and leaving Buck needing more, more, more.
Eddie pushed him to sit on the edge of the mattress, and knelt by the bed. Buck tugged on the collar of his shirt to bring their lips back together, but he just turned his head to kiss Buck's hand as the two of his gently started to undo the sling. Once it was gone, Eddie tenderly held Buck's wrist up to his lips and placed a kiss there, not caring about the bandage covering it. This gesture, more than anything, made Buck's hart sing.
The atmosphere 6changes after that. The tension was still there, so was the desire, but where it was sharper and more frantic, now it was gentle, more patient. Eddie gently urged him to move back and then climbed into his lap. When they kissed this time, it was slow and needy and passionate. Eddie rested his head in the hollow of his throat and took a breath. "Tell me we're not making a mistake," Eddie pleaded with him, hands clutched in the back of Buck's shirt.
Buck coaxed him out of his hiding spot. Their eyes met, Buck's fear and desire and joy reflected back at him. "Does it feel like a mistake to you?"
Eddie closed his eyes. "No," he whispered. When his eyes opened, the doubt was gone completely and he pressed a kiss to Buck's lips. He was gentle when he pulled his shirt over his head and when he pushed Buck to lay down, his movements impossibly careful. Buck didn't resist. When Eddie dragged the second pillow and stuffed it under his injured wrist, ordering him to not move it, Buck had to laugh gently.
Eddie reeled back, brows furrowed. "What?"
Buck shook his head with a smile, never taking his eyes off him. "Just- I like it when you're bossy."
Eddie smirked, and Buck could tell he was pleased when his eyes darkened at Buck's words. "Oh yeah?" he whisperd the wonrds into Buck's skin, his forearms bracketing Buck's head.
Buck couldn't take it anymore, so he yanked him down until his body was more or less covering his. Eddie nearly fell off the bed in his effort to keep from putting any pressure on Buck's injured shoulder and wrist.
Laughter bubbled up, spilling out from his lips into the small space between them. Eddie attempts to kiss him, but ultimately failed because they were both laughing too hard.
Once their laughter died down, Eddie pulled himself up, then settled back on Buck's thighs, with his knees on either side of his hips. He leaned down, and Buck watched his every move, biting back a groan when Eddie's lips pressed to his chest, right under his ribcage, then moved down, and down. Eddie's fingers followed the path of his lips down his chest, his touch light enough that it had Buck squirming. His breath on Buck's overheated skin was too much and when he couldn't take it anymore, he grabbed Eddie's chin and drags him up. "You're a tease," he panted into his mouth.
Eddie smirked, opened his mouth to say something, but Buck kissed him quickly before he could.
The kiss caught fire rapidly, and they didn't talk much after that.
Alright, here goes nothing. This had been in my head and then @besanii started talking about a Camboy Wei Wuxian AU and there was apparently a lot of interest? I’ve read part of another fic with this premise, and I’m heavily influenced by some YOI fics with this AU, but I’m trying not to borrow too much.
I usually like having a story planned out and mostly written before I post, but I figure hell, the world is a mess and we all need distraction. So, I have no plan, but here’s the first part of the Camboy Laozu AU.
As you’d expect, there’s NSFW content here.
The figure walks into view of the camera, and Lan Wangji sucks in a breath. Laozu is draped in flowing black chiffon, a filmy robe swirling around his form as he comes to a stop in the middle of the camera’s view. He looks up, and Lan Wangji could almost believe he was meeting his eyes, but only for an instant. Laozu smiles and his make-up heavy eyelashes flutter.
“Do you like it?” he asks. The wicked hint of his smile stops him from seeming truly demure. He’s teasing and he knows it. He knows how good he looks in this lingerie.
“You wore it,” types Lan Wangji, moved despite everything.
“Of course,” purrs Laozu, and swirls the robe around him again. He laughs then, his red lips stretching, all seductiveness lost for an instant in true joy. “You sent me such a nice gift, of course I wore it for you.”
Under the robe is a complicated set of lingerie. Part harness, part garter and stockings, in red and black, with matching g-string. Lan Wangji’s eyes focus in on this last piece, noting the way the silky fabric barely covers Laozu’s bulge. It’s probably uncomfortable, but it makes his throat go dry.
“Does it look how you imagined?” continues Laozu, posing this way and that, letting Lan Wangji get a good look.
“Better,” he types.
---
If you had asked Lan Wangji a year ago if he would ever be buying gifts of lingerie for an internet camboy, he would have thought it was some strange joke that he didn’t understand. Even the idea of watching a sex stream, paying to watch someone through a screen, much less paying for private one-on-one sessions, would have been unthinkable.
Except perhaps it would have sounded...a little tempting. Because despite what people who knew him thought, he had always found himself drawn to such things. Erotic art, stories...pornography. It was his most tightly held secret, but he was plagued by desires he could find no other outlet for. Or for which he wished not to find any outlet. For years he had been distracted by his body’s incessant demands, and his imagination’s sometimes dark turns.
He tried to restrict himself to only indulging every once in a while, and only the simplest material. He sensed there was a deep, dark hole to internet porn, one that might drown him if he let himself explore it. He caught glimpses from time to time of things that simultaneously repulsed him and titillated him. He hit the back button quickly.
Except for that one time. When the ad had appeared next to a video he had just loaded. A low- resolution gif of a beautiful man. Asian, with long hair pulled up into a ponytail. Wearing a combination of satin and leather, a collar around his throat and metal shackles around his wrists. On his knees, the gif making him move shakily back and forth, throwing back his head and opening his mouth.
Let Me Be Your Slave, it said. Live Streaming Slave Caters To Your Every Demand.
Lan Wangji had watched the ad for minutes, video entirely forgotten. He stared into the pixelated face until his eyes watered. The man was beautiful. His eyes made up heavily to accentuate the sculptural perfection of his bone structure. And...his expression, of rapture, on his knees and bound...Lan Wangji was painfully hard.
He probably didn’t even exist. That was what he’d decided. This was probably a photoshopped image, nothing like the reality. Probably. But...he had to know. His hand had moved and he had clicked the ad before he could think better of it. He was filled with instant regret when a series of pop-ups launched, crowding his screen. But on second look, after closing a couple extraneous windows, it seemed he’d been taken to an actual website that hosted live streams. Various shots of models littered the screen, all of them bland and uninteresting. He finally found the link for all of the hosted channels. And he scrolled. He didn’t have to go far, for there was the beauty from the ad.
Laozu. A Chinese name. A strange choice. But his picture: this time not grainy, pixelated and badly animated. He was breathtakingly beautiful. Lan Wangji had clicked on his name before he even had time to consider. He was taken to a page mostly taken up by a black box. Offline. Next Stream in 22:43:10… A countdown timer. Below the box was a lot of confusing buttons and links and text. Then below that a collection of stills from past streams, with prices beneath them. It seemed you could buy these videos.
Lan Wangji took a deep breath and pushed himself up from his chair. He paced back and forth, only a few steps in each direction. His erection was a painful distraction and he palmed it, his mind feeling overloaded, panic in his veins. What was he DOING? This was wrong. This was too far.
But...was it really any different than what he’d already been doing? Was paying for a video any different from watching something for free? Surely it was better, if the money went to the...performer. He sucked in one shallow breath after another.
Fine. Fine. He would do it. He sat back down heavily into his computer chair. He reached for his wallet, on the shelf above the monitor. He took out his credit card and then clicked on a video at random from the page, filling out the details as he was asked for them. Making an account. Oh heaven, he needed a username. He couldn’t use anything associated with his identity. His mind was blank. All he could think of was an old name he had used online as a teen in China. He wouldn’t use it again, but...translated to English—he typed in Lightbearer and hit return. No one would see this anyway. He was just going to watch a video and then he’d delete the account immediately.
He watched his payment go through and the video started to load. It began in the middle of what seemed to be ongoing action, with the beautiful man reclining on a bed. He was wearing a garter belt and stockings, but nothing else. His cock was exposed, and looked pretty hard. He reached down and tugged at it.
“Yeah?” he asked. “You like that, Daddy? You like to watch your baby boy touch himself?” He stroked himself again and his head fell backwards with a moan. “Oh, don’t worry, Daddy, I won’t come without permission. Not until you let me.” He looked right at the camera as he said that.
Lan Wangji’s hand was already wrapped around his own cock. The display in front of him was vulgar, but there was something genuine in this man’s voice, his eyes. He made you believe he was really enjoying himself. He begged the viewer over and over to let him touch himself. Begged to be allowed to finger himself. And then he did. Then stopped with a whine and pout. Begged for something to fill him up. He put on a show that invited the viewer into the role of his imaginary partner, who cruelly denied him what he wanted over and over. It seemed he was also responding to messages from live viewers, though he always acted like they were his “Daddy.” He did as he was requested, showing off his buttocks and spreading them for the camera. Fingering himself some more, and then, after some lengthy begging, finally using a dildo on himself.
That was when Lan Wangji came, when the beautiful Laozu was pushing a purple dildo into himself and moaning. He whined that he was too tight, made a pained face for the camera, and Lan Wangji exploded over his hand.
He had to pause the video and go lay down on his bed to get a hold on himself. His vision flashed with colors for a while and it took a long time until his heartbeat slowed. He looked over at his bedside alarm clock and did some mental arithmetic to calculate the time of Laozu’s next show. He felt a twinge of shame in his chest but knew he would be in front of his computer for it.
I'm about to delete some of my saved urls cuz I have way too many I'll never use. Fingers crossed I don't accidentally delete my main. If I do, know that I'm an idiot lol
