#thought processing

[random-xpressions]

Stop falling for the way someone looks and instead fall for the way someone thinks...

Random Xpressions

[shellofahueman]

I have a hard time calling my abuser “my abuser” because of the reactive abuse that was brought onto me

I wish I didn’t feel the need to protect his reputation even after years of being separated

[theidealistphilosophy]

The purpose of thinking is to let the ideas die instead of us dying.

Alfred North Whitehead, Source Unlisted.

[thoughtssnthingss]

Nothing Wrong With Average

For the longest time, I’ve fought my averageness. I look in the mirror and because I don’t look like a model, I am ugly. Because I didn’t get As and A+s in school, I’m stupid. Same applies if I don’t instantly understand what is being said to me, which happens all the time because I often will process things slowly. Because I make mistakes at all, I never get anything right and am wholly a mistake. Every time I slip up, I come to the conclusion that I am simply unfit to be a human and completely valueless and I should just die. 

But then I think about other people. Other people whose looks aren’t stunningly gorgeous but I still consider beautiful and worth loving. Other people didn’t get straight As but I would still consider intelligent because it shows in nonacademic ways. Other people making mistakes every day because nobody is perfect. I think of all these people doing things in average ways, that do absolutely nothing to stand out. Yet, these totally average people stand to someone. Someone out there thinks the world of them. They’ve made someone else’s day in ways no one else could’ve. To someone, they’re the one person that will their secrets. And they won’t be this person to everyone they meet. But in their own average way, in their average world, they’re extraordinary in small ways. And maybe those ways won’t get to be put in the newspaper or announced at a graduation ceremony, but they are there. And someone sees it. 

As much as I’ve come to understand that being like everyone else is really not a bad thing, I still wrestle with the fact that no one will ever want to write a book about me but hey, we all gotta start somewhere right? And for me, realising that average isn’t bad is my start.

[animebaby00]

Will you by chance adorn us with more then one chapter of Reasons Within the Water when you post? I know, I’m so greedy! 😂😂

You aren't greedy at all !

After talking with you and brainstorming different ideas, Reasons Within the Water will definitely have more than 1 chapter !

I will begin working on it shortly, and since it's your request, it will just be a surprise for anyone else interested 😉

Long story short, another multi chapter story will be in the works soon <3

[wordperson]

it’s so weird to think about current me vs me 4-5 years ago... that me was messy and wild and literally fucking around. then /that/ happened and i haven’t done anything since, mostly because it fucked up my self esteem in that area and i’m terrified of doing that to someone else i’d probably care about. but also i’ve really grown up and come into understanding myself a lot more, but like...i know dysphoria would fuck me up in s*xual/r*mantic situations and as much as i sometimes want to do things again, it is really in the back of my mind and i talk myself out of considering anything... even thinking this way is me coming a long way from where i was last year (very intent on being celibate, thought i was aro)... ever since last oct/nov i’ve been very gay and trying to be subtle about it. it also sucks when you have no gender and can’t give yourself descriptive labels

[wordperson]

hhhonestly having feelings for your best friend is the worst please kill me... i wou;dn’t ever want to do anything to possibly jeopardize our friendship so i’m not gonna say anything but these feelings have really been coming and (sometimes) going for the past few years it’s annoying... i didn’t admit they might’ve gone past platonic until last year, but i’ve never cared for someone who’s not my family anywhere near this much. i want the world for her

[mermaidqueen]

i’m trying very hard to be an open-minded person about this whole counseling experience because i’m not thrilled about it in the first place, but again- trying to go in hopeful. the first thing this lady says to me is “oh did you dye your hair like that for St. Patrick’s Day?” so not exactly the best start. yea she was sweet and nice enough i guess, but there were like 4 large and vague BS surveys with questions that were far more personal than i was comfortable answering within 2 minutes of meeting someone? half of it was just for hofstra’s data collection i bet and i feel like i should have just lied but i thought the meeting would be like to answer those questions and then be fit with someone in the therapy center. but basically she’s just the person i was handed. i want to find out if there’s a way i can change possibly? i kind of feel like a jerk for wanting to do that after only one day... but i like to think i have a pretty solid judge of character/vibes and it just didn’t mesh well at all. i left feeling more awful/anxious than when i went in and i kind of hated it.