#through a screen

[miercoles-wednesday]

through a screen

[prettypinkeyes]

I like to hornypost about a lot of characters. But son it’s the way I’d piss my pants all the way if I seen half of them irl

[pointandshooter]

Hirshorn Museum, Washington, DC

photo: David Castenson

[these-summer-nights-in-december]

Pines (Through a Screen). Christopher Citro

[miercoles-wednesday]

This will matter to no one but I have to express it. It’s been eating away at me.

I still have so much PTSD from my Instagram account being nuked in the ban wave that’s taken place over the past couple of months.

It sounds dramatic to put it like that. But it’s very really and present to me. (I should say, for sensitivity’s sake, that I actually do have PTSD, for something entirely different and legitimate, and I’m not simply carelessly co-opting psychology terms.)

Every time I open Tumblr and it glitches, or a full-screen notification comes up on TikTok (usually something innocuous), or my Pinterest gets yet another violation, I just get this pit in my stomach. In fact, about a month ago my Tumblr glitched and my whole feed was empty, and my blog was gone. I felt so sick and devastated, but then shortly after it was normal again.

I’ve always been a loner. I just prefer to be alone. It’s been that way since I was a little girl. There’s nothing wrong with me, per se, and I’m not a misanthrope. It’s just that with the exception of a few people, I’ve always preferred the degree of distance that online relationships provide.

I’m incredibly “social” online and always have been. But in real life I love doing things alone. I told someone on here once that I don’t know if this orientation is natural or like a learned response. I’ve always been a little intense and eccentric, and experience a lot of social rejection and misunderstanding because of it. (I suppose this happens now and then, too, with people online.) So the internet and social media have, for most of my life, provided an important outlet for socialization and self-expression.

All that to say, my social media and fandom community constitutes a large part of my social life, and is a connection that is very special to me. It could be otherwise, but that’s what I choose for myself, for the present moment, at least.

And the things that I collect here, whether by liking them or reblogging them or posting them myself, are incredibly dear to me. My friend once shared a meme on here that said something like “you are a museum of all the things you love.” And that’s what all my social accounts are to me, and that includes the people I interact with through them.

I’ve written at length before about the despondency I felt when I got nuked and all the effort I had put into my fan account was reduced to zero. And how I was heartbroken that a firewall had been erected between me and mutuals who I had come to really care about. (I’m banned by IP address and device, I can’t simply “start over” and try to find them again.) Some have found me here and elsewhere, but for the bulk, I just simply disappeared one day. I won’t exhaust that sentiment again, but it’s still on my mind.

It sounds totally dramatic but I live in fear of it happening again, and no matter how careful I try to be, I can’t quite shake the anxiety that I’m going to post something “wrong.” Especially as social media moves to faulty AI content moderation and doesn’t know what it’s actually looking at. I lamented on TikTok the other day that the app labels a clip of Trent playing a soft saxophone interlude as “explicit content.” It just feels like everything is a potential land mine, and I never know when I’ll have gone too far.

Anyway. This is all just off the top of my head. Perhaps I’m being unreasonable. But I’m bothered a lot by all this, and just had to get these ideas out of my brain.

[mpekamitzii]

It's not my usual art, but i spent the past 2 weeks obsessively learning blender as an absolute beginner.Learning the interface+modelling+uv unwrapping+texturing+rigging+posing definitely did not drive me to the point of insanity but the end result is so satisfying.

Yes that is a png background. I will not elaborate

Shenanigans under the cut

I have like a million process pics but i feel like they would be unnecessary for the core post. Here's the funny ones

[pedros-immaculate-vibes]

I saw you said to feel free to throw Halsin smut into your inbox and one I keep NONSTOP thinking about is that like touchstarved “you have no idea how long I’ve been wanting this” desperate type shit 😭

I know he even says how he’s had to contain himself but I mean I need Tav to fight with him, getting mad about something dumb and blurting out that she has feelings for him and his chest is just heaving, eyes staring at her, before he stomps up and grabs her face and kisses her like he’s starved. Like I need them both gasping for air, him bending down to her level just to grunt in her ear about how words cannot describe how badly he’s been wishing for and dreaming of this moment that he thought would never come.

LIKE I **NEED** them to be frantically taking off clothes without breaking contact, him ripping things off of her, sweaty, panting, just carnal. But I so so so badly want that sexual tension to tear me apart first.

He’s ruining my liiiiiife 😭

Do I have a story for you 👀

If I may SHAMELESSLY plug my 22-chapter story about them essentially being too stupid to act on how bad they want eachother (but actually he’s just too fucking noble for his own relief). So far, the whole thing is them pining for each other and finding small ways to show that they care and falling deeper with no escape ladder in sight or wanted.

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

*coughSpecificallyChapters9.5And12cough*

FULL Feral behavior hasnt happened yet, BUT they def have a fight scene where Tav kinda kicks his ass and then, um, things are said and stuff against a tree

I haven’t found much “I want to fuck you so bad it makes me look stupid” on my Ao3 travels, unfortunately, bc that’s one of my favorite tropes.

THIS however is a good one shot from someone else where he’s like a sweet Dom and it’s hot af where they celebrate the solstice *insert dirty French laugh here*

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

But YES the tension that drives them both insane should be in more smutty fanfics imo

like they’re under an intense amount of stress, and he’s trying his damnedest to not lose focus, and you’re just fucking strssded

ESPECIALLY IF THIS FAMED HEALER KEEPS HEALING AND BANDAGING AND FIXING YOY LIKE OMG WHY IS THAT NOT IN THE GAME FFS

I have a lot of strong opinions on several things 😅

BUT YES

ALL THE ANON SMUTTY HALSIN OPINIONS

THE MAN IS IN NEED OF SOME AFFECTION FFS

HES BEEN RUNNING ON FUMES FOR DECADES