Core Disaster Week-- Day 4
Mission Report: May 24, 20XX
Timothy Jackson Drake-Wayne, Robin
Mission Completed: Meet the Batfamily
Summary: Yes, I’m writing a report for this, because you’re all fucking assholes and I hate your fucking guts. I hope that Dick turns into a vampire and murders you all like that weird dream I had. (Also, I would totally not be that easy to kill? Seriously? Just curb-stomp my head? Didn’t even ask if I wanted to join your vampire regime, but Jason, Jason got asked before you killed him? Seriously? Asshole).
Notes: I promise you, I swear on the souls of all of those who have fallen on Gotham’s streets, I will have my revenge, and it will be sweet and swift, and you will all fear the name Timothy Drake-Wayne till the ends of time. You will wish the Dick turned into a vampire and killed or turned you all. (Seriously, it was a weird dream and I have no idea where it came from. No, Bart, it wasn’t the LSD, now be quiet).
Notes For B: I apologise in advance for the fact that you will be short-staffed for the next couple weeks. I hope you understand though, the whole “I am Vengeance” and all that shit.
Report: I had not actually told anyone in the family about my new relationship. It wasn’t secret per se, but I also didn’t want to have to deal with Dick’s insufferable attitude, or Wally giving me a shovel-talk about dating his first-cousin-once-removed, or Jason making fun of me for not realising that my two best friends were my soulmates.
Thing was, I hadn’t told Bart or Kon this, so when we had a job helping out Dick’s team this morning and Dick and Wally started doing their obnoxious PDA thing, they decided it would be fun to get them back. Kon and Bart started laying it on thick, flirting with me instead of actually paying attention to the fight. This was annoying for two reasons. One– these two idiots were paying as much attention to my order as they were at one-upping my brother and his boyfriend– and two– my brother caught on pretty fast that we were soulmates after that.
Naturally, Dick approached me after the fight for interrogation, right when I was yelling at my two idiot boyfriends for flirting instead of fighting. He overheard and quickly figured out what was going on. He pulled me into a tight hug from behind, lifting me off my feet and squealing about how “baby bird found his soulmates” over and over again while spilling around with me in his arms. I smacked him over the head a couple times with my bo staff but he didn’t seem to care.
As soon as he put me down, he called Alfred and told Bart and Kon that they were coming to a family dinner that night. He didn’t even ask them if they knew my identity and I didn’t get a chance to explain that they only knew me as Tim Drake and therefore were not aware of anyone else in the family’s identity.
They came, of course. Kon almost fainted from shock when he revealed that Bruce Wayne was Batman, and also my father. Really, they could have just looked me up, but they didn’t.
Then, came the stuff you assholes all know about, because you created it! Wally managed to corner me and give me a long, long shovel talk while the rest of you “tested to see if they were good enough for me.” I don’t know what all you did to them, but I’ve never seen Bart look as terrified of anyone as he did of Dick when he sat down at the table, or Kon as scared as he was of Jason.
You’re all assholes and you better tell me what you did to my soulmates, or else I’m going to kill you all!!!*
*no, no actual killing, B. I would never actually kill anyone.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
















