I loveeeee Bruce the Fish. I think we need another family member. Grayson the sugar glider maybe. Or Tim the Rat. Jason the Rabbit. Whatever peeks your interest.
(Hi tysm for the prompt!! I hope you don’t mind that it ended up being more like a few more family members... the batkids are serial adopters just like Bruce what can I say)
The Batfamily and the Batpets
After Bruce the fish takes over the household the rest of the batkids want their own pets
Bruce can’t really say no but he wants them to just each pick fish because it’s easier
The second the batkids hear this, well of course they go and find extremely exotic pets out of spite
Jason gets a boa constrictor and names it Dames
He won’t admit it but he fell in love with it immediately when it tried to strangle Tim when they got him
Jason: ‘his name is Dames because he tries to kill Tim, just like Damian’
Damian takes this as a compliment
Jason remakes the small guest room in his apartment to house the snake’s habitat and uses his rarely-touched trust fund money to go all out for his enormous tank
Jason, feeding the snake rats: ‘so this rat is named joker, and this rat is also named joker, and this-’
Jason: ‘HEY DO BOAS EAT BATS’
Steph and Cass decide to co-parent a parakeet and want to name it Dick because of his bright colors but Bruce immediately vetoes the name because without context it sounds like his kids are naming their pets after genitals
So they name him Ric :)
Dick: ‘can you please just let it go’
Steph: ‘never’
Tim adopts a baby turtle and keeps it in a tank in his apartment
He names it ‘Turtle’ because he’s BORING -steph
Steph starts calling the turtle ‘tiny tim’ and the name catches on to the rest of the family
Tiny Tim will snip at everyone’s fingers- except for Jason, a fact that makes Tim very disgruntled
Dick already has Haley the puppy so he doesn’t get another pet but he does get a small succulent that he names Cactus
Dick: ‘get it? Because it’s not a cactus so it’s ironic’
Damian: ‘we get it Grayson, you’re misgendering your aloe plant’
Dick:
Duke gets a red and black leopard gecko that he names Harley
Of course Harley gets wind of this and randomly pops in at 2 am in the morning to say hi to lil’ Harles
Despite the gecko living in Duke’s room, Duke doesn’t know she’s doing this until the fifth time she visits and he’s doing late night studying
Duke: ‘oh my GOD you’ve been coming to my room in the middle of the night just to say hi to my gecko???’
Harley: ‘she’s named after me so I get parental rights :D’
Duke: ‘...no??’
He lets her visit anyway but only during the day
One day Harley sits at the kitchen counter in her full costume and bunny slippers and casually sips tea from a wine glass while talking to Duke about how geckos mate
Bruce walks in to see this and just... backs away
They all fight over whose pet is superior
Damian scoffs and says of course the best pet is Batcow
Everyone agrees
Damian gives Alfred a trio of male guppies to keep in his room because they’re extremely pretty
Alfred lets the batkids name them so after an hour of arguing they finally agree to name them Barry, Clark and Hal
Ric the Parakeet gets an instagram at @pariceet and gets over a thousand followers within a day
the first post is a video of him bouncing along to tiktok music
Jason comments ‘CRINGE’ and Steph blocks him
So within a week the batfamily grows to include Dames the snake, Ric the parakeet, Cactus the aloe plant, Tiny Tim the turtle, Clark, Hal and Barry the guppies, and Harley the gecko, which is an add-on to Batcow, Titus, Ace, Haley, Bruce the fish and Alfred the cat
Bruce the human is. so tired.