wc: 347
cw: gn!reader, angst with NO comfort. at all. toxic, codependent relationship with our resident deadbeat™: toji fushiguro! mentions of rough fucking but there is no dialogue, slight jjk spoilers, mentions of weapons, character death, and a love that had gotten lost in the woes of time ˎ₍•ʚ•₎ˏ
when toji leaves, he doesn't return for a long time.
he doesn't answer your calls. doesn't reply to your texts. hell, he won't even tell you if the last time you met would be the last time you'll see him.
but you wait. painfully. relentlessly. everyday you cling to this uncertainty and call it hopeーthat someday, he'll knock on the doors of your apartment and tell you that he missed you.
when toji tells you he loves you, it always leaves his lips like it's something between devotion and a lie just to keep you around.
but you believe it. every single time. because he fucks you so good that you'd rather play mind games with him in a futile attempt to make him stay.
to return.
to never leave again.
when toji kisses you, he leaves bruises on your skin. when he is inside of you, he stays and lingers that you find yourself not wanting it to end.
it feels surreal. like a dream you wish you could never wake up from.
when toji left, he doesn't answer your calls nor reply to your texts. he didn't come knocking again. didn't leave his shoes messily at your doorstep. and you missed hearing the clanking of his weapons whenever he walks in.
over time, your apartment lost the scent of himーthe only thing that reminded you of the love you both shared, if you can even call it that.
you kept the last beer bottle he left. you didn't delete his number. you tried to remember what he looked like and searched for him in songs, moviesーanything to remind you of his existence.
because when you heard about his death, you knew that this time, he won't return.
you won't hear his voice. and you won't see his face again.
you knew that waiting for him would be useless.
you did anyway. you wait for him, even at the throes of the very last breath that leaves your lungs.
because you lie to yourself that he will return, even if it means waiting your whole life.
ー 𝐿𝑜𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑎 𓍯