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Bilbo, pointing: May I sit there?

Thorin: That's my lap.

Bilbo: That doesn't answer my question, Thorin.

Thranduil: New year, same me, because I am perfect.

Outside the gates of Erebor, before the Battle of the Five Armies

Bard, very drunk: Fight me you nerd ass punk.

Thranduil, also very drunk: At least try to sound sophisticated when you threaten someone.

Bard: Does thou wish to engage in a duel my good ....bitch.

Thranduil: Somehow that was worse.

Elrond: Do you ever think before you speak?

Glorfindel: I think “wow, that’s hilarious” then I say it.

Thranduil (about Thorin): He called me ugly on the inside and the outside! I’m sorry, but he’s just wrong about the outside part.

Dwalin: True warriors don't faint. We take unintended, decisive naps.

#tolkien misquote