Touch- part 2
Summary: Joel soothes the ache in your skin. This time, while cuddled up on his porch swing, under the starry night sky.
CW: MDNI. 18+ only
Word count: 1,200
Masterlist here
You’d been pacing your bedroom for ten minutes.
Arguing back and forth with yourself. Wringing your hands, as if it could relieve you of this choice.
He told you to come over. He made you say you would. But somehow, you were convinced that he only said it to be polite.
Unbeknownst to you, Joel had been on his back porch, nursing a cigarette. Watching you stress yourself out through your bedroom window. His concern and curiosity eventually got the better of him.
The silence of your room was broken by a knock on your glass door.
You nearly jumped out of your skin with fright; jolting at the soft sound. You walked over and dragged the heavy back door open.
“Joel, what the fuck? You scared the crap out of me.”
“Sorry darlin. Just couldn’t help noticin you seemed stressed. Can I help with somethin?” The concern in his face was endearing.
But the prospect of being vulnerable again, terrified you. Seconds felt like ages, as you considered the choice before you.
“Well… it’s- it’s the same thing as last time.”
You closed your eyes against the truth that spilled out. Expressing needs, historically, was met with scoffs and further neglect by your parents.
But Joel was different.
“Were you debatin whether to come tell me or not?”
“Yeah.”
“‘N what did I tell you?”
His face was firm, but his eyes were soft.
“To come over.”
He nodded once.
“So come over.”
He reached out his hand and held it open for you. You took it; grateful to know he’d meant it.
He lead you back to his place once more; clearing the way for your bare feet as he went.
“House is a little messy- Sarah just flew back home.”
The words felt foreign in his mouth. Her home, was no longer his.
“S’weird; your kid growin up. Flyin the nest or whatever. Sure miss having her here all the time. Visits never quite feel long enough.”
Joel softly dropped your hand as he passed the kitchen stools; making sure you sat; then offering a few things he could make for you.
He got to cooking once you’d decided.
It was comfortable here; just like it had been when you were babysitting Sarah so many years ago. There was a warmth to his home that you couldn’t feel in yours. It was a welcome break from the solitude of being a “bedroom kid”- and now, a bedroom adult, too.
“Joel?”
“Yeah, baby.”
“Your house- it feels like home. Way more than mine. How do you do it? Like… I step inside, and I feel better. Relaxed. Like I just walked into a spa or something, instead of my next door neighbor’s…”
You drifted off, not really sure how to finish that sentence.
You could see the wheels turning as he pondered his reply; tossing some ingredients in a pan.
“I dunno. Growin up… my parents’ house was cold. Sterile. Wasn’t really any love in it…” he stirred as he thought out loud. “Told myself if I ever had a kid, they’d grow up feeling loved. They’d know they were wanted. Maybe… it comes from that.”
It squeezed your heart, to hear it. So much care, from a parent. You wished it could be yours. That he could be your father instead of the one you’d been dealt.
“That’s… really amazing. Sarah’s really lucky.”
Joel looked up from the food prep, and smiled. His eyes twinkled.
“Me, too. I won the lottery with that one.”
The kitchen settled into a comfortable quiet as he focused on cooking, and you got lost in your thoughts.
When the food was ready, Joel gave you a plate and told you to scoop as much as you’d like. When his and your plates were full, he lead you back out to his porch. He sat down first on the bench swing; then patted the spot beside him; keeping the swing still for you.
“C’mon darlin. Right here.”
Dinner was consumed with cozy conversation; you both chatting and laughing in between bites. Halfway between the meal, Joel’s arm moved to rest behind you, tucking you into his side like last time. It felt wonderful to be in his embrace.
When both plates were empty, Joel stacked yours on his; and set them down on the porch. Sitting back up, he gently reached up to brush your cheek.
“Still want my touch?”
Your eyes fluttered. You bit your lip and nodded. Joel had a way of finding your mute button; scrambling your brain, and quieting it, too.
“Then c’mere, baby.”
His words melted your insides, as he guided you to sit sideways in his lap. You instinctively curled up and tucked in; grateful for his grounding touch; and all the points of contact between your body and his.
He was perfectly warm. Sturdy, and steady. One arm slowly wrapped around your legs; as the other came up to soothe your back.
Then he put your head down near his neck.
“How’s that?”
“Good.”
Once you were settled, he began to rock the swing back and forth… back and forth. The sweet tug of gravity settled you deeper into him… Lulling you into a peace that made you ache with desire to savor every second.
The night was quiet.
It was just you, Joel, and crickets; chatting away in the bushes. The stars were bright tonight: and the moon, too. There was nothing quite like a full Texas moon. You didn’t even need a flashlight or a porch light, to see. Something about it made this moment feel even more special. You wished you could bottle it up- and tuck it away for later when you were alone in bed. The warm glow of Joel’s presence- his touch; was different than anything else you’d ever felt. It was belonging. And comfort. To be seen, and known… and accepted. You didn’t have to pretend with him. You could just… be.
He could feel your breathing deepen as the minutes passed. Your limbs going lax. Your weight pressing into him more.
“Feel better?”
“Yeah.”
The hand that had rubbed your back, now moved to your ear. Starting at the top, he slowly massaged the shell of it. Rolling the skin between finger and thumb. Giving long, gentle tugs that released the tension in your scalp.
“You’re really good at this.”
He chuffed.
“No, really. I don’t know how you’re still single. Any woman would be crazy to turn this down.”
Joel paused to think, before conceding with a kiss on your head.
“Thanks, darlin.”
For even longer than you’d hoped for, he held you on that swing.
Long, wonderful stretches of silence, wrapped around you two; letting you get lost in his touch. The feel of his fingertips on your scalp. The circling press of his thumb in your lower back. The brush of the back of his fingers, on your cheek.
Eventually, his other hand found your feet, and massaged them too. Pressing away the tension. Taking your mind off your troubles; until it was only his hands, and your body that existed in the whole universe.
