I was reading the Chinese Voiceline as an inspiration for my Albedo poem narrated by Venti, but I couldn’t help but notice some inconsistencies between it and the English translation.
One is that the official English added more words and changed the sentence structure in the first half, the other is that the tone of the voiceline is much lighter in Chinese. I believe that the first half in question, by its wording, was also meant to be poetic.
Well, if it’s for Albedo, I’ll do it. Chinese version first, then a more literal translation, then my translation, then official translation, with translation notes below. Let’s take a look at what Venti has to say about him.
Soil and chalk, the universe and the earth’s crust, spotless soil giving birth to the original human… The characteristics are just too noticeable. It’s hard to ignore! If such a dangerous ancient art were to lose control in the city— Ah, never mind. Let the people of Mondstadt deal with what goes on in Mondstadt.
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My Translation
From soil black came chalk so white. The universe, the hardened crust. The spotless soil bore his life… His peculiarities are just too great. It's hard to ignore! If an ancient art of such danger gets out of control in the city— Ah, never mind! What goes on within Mondstadt’s walls is for the Mondstadters to deal with!
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Official Translation
How do you explain white chalk in black soil, or the earth's dense crust amidst the emptiness of space? Same reason the purest soil gave birth to human life... It's an ancient power with unmistakable properties. Trying to harness it is dangerous indeed, I can't imagine what would happen if someone lost control of it in the city... Ah, never mind! What goes on within Mondstadt's walls is up to Mondstadt's people to deal with!
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Definition of Terms
黒土
“black soil”
Compare with a line from Albedo’s Character Story 5:「黑土诞生白垩。」
Official translation is “From soil was birthed chalk”
It’s also the Chinese term for “Art of Khemia” — “黑土之术”
According to the English Wiki, a possible root is “The Ancient Greek word Χημία Khēmía, ‘black earth’”
Here’s an article on the etymology of “alchemy”,which lists one of its origins as “from Khemia, a name for Egypt meaning ‘land of black earth’”
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白垩
“chalk” (the type of rock, not the substance made into writing sticks even though that’s the connotation)
Albedo’s title “Kreideprinz” is “白垩之子” in Chinese
The Chinese characters “黑” and “白” mean “black” and “white” respectively, so “黑土与白垩” is likely used as contrasting imageries
Same goes for the 1.2 event “白垩与黑龙”, which is officially known in English as “The Chalk Prince and the Dragon”, but you can also say “Cretaceous and the Black Dragon” to keep the fanciness of the Chinese title
Or "The White Chalk and the Black Dragon" to keep the contrast though it's less poetic
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地层
“stratum” —> “a layer or a series of layers of rock in the ground”
“Earth’s crust” would work too
无垢之土 → “pure soil”, “spotless soil”, etc
原初之人 → “primordial human”, “the first human”, “the original form of man”
The first part of this voiceline has a very poetic vibe
Which makes sense because Venti is a poet
The concepts are very grand (e.g. soil and chalk which relate to the Art of Khemia, the universe, creation of life) so the translation should reflect it while not straying from overall concepts too much
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“特征实在太明显了，难以忽视呀。”
呀 (ya) is a sentence-ending particle in Chinese, according to this article
It has a casual tone and is informal
Venti using it here fits his carefree and playful personality
Zhongli, for example, wouldn’t use it due to his old-fashioned and ancient vibe
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嗨，算了，就让蒙德人自己解决蒙德的问题吧。
嗨 (hai) is an onomatopoeia for a sigh
算了 is “never mind”
吧 (ba) is another sentence-ending particle in Chinese
Soil and chalk, the universe and the earth’s crust, spotless soil giving birth to the original human… The characteristics are just too noticeable. It’s hard to ignore! If such a dangerous ancient art were to lose control in the city— Ah, never mind. Let the people of Mondstadt deal with what goes on in Mondstadt.
.
Poetic:
The chalk so white, from soil black. The universe, the hardened crust. The spotless soil bore his life…
From soil black came chalk so white. The universe, the hardened crust. The spotless soil bore his life… His peculiarities are just too great. It's hard to ignore! If an ancient art of such danger gets out of control in the city— Ah, never mind. What goes on in Mondstadt’s walls is for the Mondstadters to deal with!
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Note on the Poem
Initially my poem went “The chalk so white, from soil black. The universe, the hardened crust. The spotless soil bore his life…” but I realized if I switched the order of the first sentence and placed white at the end, it could rhyme with “life”, which is quite nice (and makes it more obvious that it’s a poem).
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“Albedo/Lore”, Genshin Impact Wiki
“Art of Khemia”, Genshin Impact Wiki
The Etymology of “Alchemy”, Useless Etymology
How to use the Chinese Character 呀 (ya), Written Chinese
[剧情讨论] 白垩、粉笔、大理石、石灰岩——我也是石头里蹦出来的，我怎么不是阿贝多[可能有一点化学知识？], NGA
The page is a Chinese forem where a Chinese fan discusses the English translation of Version 1.2 The Chalk Prince and the Dragon and how its connotation differs from the Chinese title 白垩与黑龙
NCTsmtown_127: It’s the 2nd of August~~ hehehehe I’m spending my 22nd birthday like this and it’s already the 4th time I spend my birthday together with you guys~ I think that my birthdays became more special ever since I celebrate them with Czennies, every time I receive enormous amounts of love for which I’m always thankful ㅠㅠ Thank you very much for being happy together on my birthday, I’m very happy too hehehehe Czennies are dope!! I’m very glad to be able to spend my 22nd birthday too with you guuuys :)
Translation: Alex @ FY! NCT (NCTINFO) | Source: NCT 127 Official Twitter
— Please take out with full credits
‘When I said I was ready for anything, I wasn’t exactly expecting this. Truth be told, it caught me off guard. Even if I’m shocked, I’m trying to find the words to thank you from the bottom of my heart! I never thought that all of my work (our work @loumtlc @cristi_aerobic ) could vanish in a second... I couldn’t believe it, and it still feels like a bad dream. But you know the saying, ‘if you fall 7 times, you’ll get up 8 times’. I always choose to do it, and I’ll choose to do it again, but I hope it can turn out better!
Thank you again for your messages, kind thoughts and support!
I want to thank my coaches for everything! #We are a #team!
I want to thank my family that I love and that loves me unconditionally for every moment they spend with me.’
I just gave my first few hours to @criticalroletranscriptions, and I had such a great time!!
I signed into one slot just to try it out, did the middle of Liam’s quest in The Last of Us Warner Brothers Studios, and I accidently did two slots I was having such a great time!
Honestly, if you have any time, give a little to this awesome project! A 5 min slot takes an hour, and is flexible! Its really easy to get the hang of. And if you don't have an hour, you could edit a chunk or help people out with [Jenga] - where they could understand what was said (I had that with Taliesin’s car name, couldn't figure it out!).
And if you speak/are learning another language, head over to @crtranslate and give them a look! I’m going to attempt to put my French to good use but they really need proof-readers!
tl;dr @crtranslate and @criticalroletranscriptions are awesome - help them out if you can!
You can listen to the drama here: https://youtu.be/9b5yPOLU7R4
Maizono’s track starts from 10:05
The overall drama CD flows like this:
Jin and Kizakura talking together -> Scouting Kuwata Leon -> Scouting Maizono Sayaka -> Scouting Fujisaki Chihiro -> Scouting Fukawa Touko -> Jin and Kizakura talking together
Other tracks will be translated by @jinjojess !!
Some help on proofreading/fixing typos/mistranslation would be greatly appreciated!!
Kizakura: (The next scout is Maizono Sayaka. The Super High School Level Idol. The center position for the nationwide-famous idol group appointed the conference room of her ageny building as a meeting place. Avoiding meeting a man not only at her own house but also in public places such as cafe or park… She’s a top idol indeed. She manages her risks thoroughly. It might become a hard scouting…)
Maizono: It’s a coffee, please help yourself.
Kizakura: Ah, if you will excuse me then.
Maizono: How many cups of salt* would you like in it?
Kizakura: Zero cups. Er… wha, what is that. Is this some new healthkeeping method or something of that sort?
Maizono: It’s unexpectingly delicious~ I’ve been so into it recently!
Kizakura: You’re pretty good… You appealed your ‘homely girl’ and 'pure girl’ side at the same time in that short coversation. So this is the top idol’s technique, eh?
Maizono: Heeh~? It’s nothing related to that sort! A pinch of salt makes coffee’s flavor much softer. Besides, it is said to cleanse your insides, ah, so it might be a healthkeeping method!
*mixes salt into coffees*
Kizakura: So it wasn’t just a joke gossip…
(TN: They actually sell salt coffees in Japan. Maizono’s voice actress have been into 'salt coffee’ recently, so this might be a reference to that.)
Maizono: So… About transferring into Kibougamine Academy, right?
Kizakura: Seeing you like that, it seems that you’ve made your mind already.
Maizono: … that’s so. It’s a bit lonely thinking about saying goodbye to friends at current school though.
Kizakura: Sooner or later, you will have to walk different paths from your friends. This is the best option if you want to aim for a higher spot as an idol. (But… 'pure’ type popular idols show relentless images in private places, but this child is no different from her public one… Or is she thorough enough to not let her guard down even to a person who’s not related to her work…)
Maizono: I’m just like this usually too. I don’t change my attitude or anything depending on the person!
Kizakura: Er, eh, what? D, did my thoughts come out in words?
Maizono: I, am an esper after all. I can read minds.
Kizakura: … Really?
Maizono: Just joking, it’s just intuitons.
Kizakura: We-, well. I won’t deny that I’m trying to figure out what’s really in your mind. It’s an important job for a scoutsman to meet a person and figure out what the person is like. It’s because that’s something not in the database.
Maizono: Yes, it’s alright~ You can ask about things not in database all you want!
Kizakura: Then, what is your favorite food?
Maizono: Hmm~ I don’t pick food but… From vegetables, I like tomatoes.
Kizakura: Heeh~ Is there an investigator(detective) you like?
(TN: The word is 'Keiji’ in Japanese and Kizakura’s VA’s name is Fujiwara Keiji)
Maizono: It’s Space Investigator.
(TN: A series of drama that went on air in 80’s)
Kizakura: (Eh, how old is she actually?) The-, then, your favorite hairstyle?
Maizono: I like the twintail hair I do when I have my idol clothes on. It shakes side from side in ??? ways, so I feel like dancing too. And most of all, it looks cute~
(TN: Can’t catch that word T^T)
Kizakura: Indeed~ It’s a golden saying that I want to telll all the other idols about!!
(What should I say, she’s such a sweet girl yet I feel something dangerous about her~ Should I say it’s a scoutman’s intuitions… Just as if she is holding a small bomb unrelated to her idol sides. Hmm, should I test her a little more.)
*energetic music suddenly comes out*
Kizakura: Eh, it’s a bit sudden around now but there are letters to Sayaka-chan from our listeners!!
Maizono: Wha~ is it a radio roleplay? I like radio jobs too.
Kizakura: The first letter, is from radio name 'Yellow Cherry’-san. (TN: Kizakura literally means yellow cherry blossom) Where do you, Sayaka-chan first wash when you shower? (naughty voice)
Maizono: Eeh~? Is that so, I wash upper arm first.
Kizakura: Indeed! We all want the girls to be innocent and pure, but it’s no fun if they’re coy all the time. Men are such bothersome creatures. That, you know it well.
Maizono: Yes?
Kizakura: Most idols with run away with replies like hair or ??? or arm. Conversely, the girls who deem themselves as small devils say “chest!” without hesitation. Both are common answers that leave you no impressions.
(TN: Can’t catch that one part of body either)
Maizono: …
Kizakura: But you answered 'upper arm’. Urban legends has it that upper arms have softness equivalent to boobs- the chest, and they’re structurally close to chest too. No other parts of body blossoms more fantasies than this on the stage called shower. Even if I was an idol, I would answer so too!! It’s the best answer.
Maizono: Mister guard!!
Kizakura: Aaah~~ Sorry!! I got a little carried away!!
Maizono: (laughs) Really~ It isn’t something like that!
Kizakura: It isn’t?
Maizono: I do have proper reasons for washing upper arms first. There was a rule like that in my home planet.
Kizakura: Eh, a-, an alien?
Maizono: Joking. Even if it’s true, I won’t leak such an important secret so easily.
Kizakura: Then next, radio name School Headmaster. Do you, Sayaka-chan like your daddy? If so, what do you like about him?
Maizono: Of course I like him very much~ When I was young, it was bit lonely as he always came back late but he was working hard for the family always so.
Kizakura: Hmm…
Maizono: And watching TV alone at that time caused me to aim for the idol.
Kizakura: Well… everyone likes daddies when they’re young. As a friend, how should I treat the guy who is hated by his daughter like a webworm~? This, just to add, is a letter from radio name Koichi-kun.
Maizono: Although he won’t express it with his words, I think that father will be very lonely. Please treat him kindly.
Kizakura: (Sobs)…!! Yeah… I’ll do that…
Maizono: Er, why are you crying?
Kizakura: Because the salt in coffee went into my eye…
Maizono: Right…
Kizakura: Then the last!!
Maizono: Eh, it’s the last already?
Kizakura: If you Sayaka-chan can’t continue idol career without sacrificing the person you endear, will you still continue? Or can you cut it off and quit?
Maizono: That’s… unexpected.
Kizakura: Since this is the last so.
Maizono: … I can’t answer until that moment comes. I think it’s something that you shouldn’t imagine so easily.
Kizakura: (Judging from what she replied up until now, she would have replied that she’ll choose the person she endear without a doubt… this is unexpected… Is this her obsession for idol career that she can’t hide even when answering thoroughly like this. But this is also the risk that Kibougamine Academy carries due to its nature… A child with an outstanding talent depends highly on his/her own talent. The rebound you get from losing that one place to depend on is incalculable. I wonder this is the bit that’s been bothering me…) Indeed, sorry for asking gloomy questions. I was too rash.
Maizono: Does this clear the things that’s been bugging you? It’s alright! I don’t think about those kind of hard stuffs. I just live everyday energetically, dilligently!
Kizakura: Does it show up… that much on my face?
Maizono: No. I, am an esper after all.
Kizakura: That sounds less like a joke every passing second.
*
Kizakura: My, she was a formidable child. She knows people’s mind well as she’s an idol. The next scout is SHSL programmer Fujisaki Chihiro-kun. This child should be an expert on mind, too…
