okay so like. hear me out. i’ve been fermenting this idea in my brain for THREE. YEARS. like it’s got a whole ecosystem in there at this point. ALSO IT'S HEAVILY SELF-INDULGENT!!! it’s an AU where SY is SJ’s little brother. he transmigrates at birth, SQH-style, and because he’s technically a grown-ass adult upstairs he’s like “yeah okay, time to fix the poverty, trauma, and generational despair speedrun.” bro packs all his strength in to help YQY and SJ escape the Qiu manor hellhole before the debacle starts and boom. they all get into Cang Qiong. happy(ish) family? check.
but HERE’S where i start pussyfooting the edges of insanity, okay? because we all collectively agree that SY was sickly in his past life, right? like man couldn’t climb stairs without having to sit down for twenty minutes and rethink existence. so i’m being extra delusional and deciding he was so chronically ill that taking one extra step beyond his normal ten would’ve had him knocking on death’s door like “hey bestie can i come in 🥴.”
BUT. now. new world, new body, no tuberculosis speedrun. and this body? healthy. like “can breathe without dying” levels of luxury. so obviously i feel like this man is going to go absolutely feral about physical activity. like he’ll be running laps around Qing Jing Peak at 5am because “i can FEEL my lungs functioning oh my god this is what oxygen tastes like???” he’s dragging SJ to spar at sunrise just because he can. he’s doing flips, climbing mountains, sword dancing in the rain, touching grass like it’s a religious experience. also he doesn't have to look like a sophisticated peak lord AND he can't be OOC cus technically PIDW never had him in the first place.
anywaaay, fast forward a few years into Cang Qiong life, and SY finally—finally—gets to meet LIU-SHIDI. the legendary GOD OF WAR himself. except. EXCEPT. remember how i said i was gonna start gnawing at the drywall with this AU? yeah. because in this version, LQG is a tiny bratty baby. like, pint-sized menace with too much confidence and a sword half his height.
and SY? loses his mind. because here comes this angry little gremlin, all “hmph, shixiong, your form is sloppy,” and SY’s like 🥺👉👈 “look at him. look at this baby god of war in training.”
the thing is, LQG’s out here trying to teach SY how to fight. like, full-on correcting his stance, puffing his chest out, acting like he’s doing SY a favor. and SY’s just standing there like, “sweetheart, do you not know who i am? i’m Qing Jing Peak’s resident machoman. i have muscles now. i run for fun. i could probably bench-press Yue Qingyuan if i tried.”
meanwhile LQG just glares at him with the righteous fury of a wet cat like “stop smiling at me like that i’m being serious!!” and SY’s like “aww you’re so cute when you threaten homicide <3”
it’s basically a disaster waiting to happen but in the most precious way possible.
but i think i'm failing to mention the real kicker here: SY’s physically the same age as LQG in this AU. yeah.
and i know, i know this reason doesn’t sound logical in any timeline or dimension but trust what this does is create the most insane friendly rivalry in cang qiong history. like, they start off all “i’ll be the better swordsman,” “no, i’ll be the better swordsman,” and before anyone realizes it they’re just... circling each other for years.
and you know what they say—if a rivalry lasts longer than seven years it stops being a rivalry and starts being a slow burn love story in denial.
so by year eight they’re out here sparring at dawn again, blades flashing, sweat glistening, sunrise aesthetic, spiritual energy crackling—all while maintaining the most sexually charged eye contact known to man. SY’s smirking, LQG’s fondly glaring, everyone watching is like “oh they’re in love.”
everyone else in cang qiong is just watching this ongoing slow burn unfold like it’s a live-action drama and collectively going, “okay so… when’s the wedding??”
(Not Shen Jiu tho he's praying to EVERY higher power out there to never let SY realize his true feelings, YQY is keeping an eye on LQG (lovingly ofc)).
meanwhile SY’s internal monologue is just one long scream of “oh no he’s hot when he swings his sword like that” while LQG’s like “why do i feel weird when he smiles at me help.”
basically: enemies to rivals to “we train together every day” to “oh.”
by the time they both get chosen as head disciples, everyone in cang qiong has collectively lost their minds. like, it’s not even subtle anymore. these two are practically married in all but name—constantly bickering, constantly together, constantly pretending it’s all “peak brotherhood” while feeding each other during sect banquets like it’s the most normal thing in the world.
meanwhile the rest of the sect is out here running full-blown matchmaking operations. like, “oh nooo there’s only one room left at the inn 🥺 guess you’ll have to share~” levels of shameless scheming. they’re manufacturing coincidences, assigning joint missions, “accidentally” pairing them up for training exercises—it's a campaign.
yue qingyuan’s already surrendered to the chaos, just sipping his tea like, “as long as they’re happy,” with that serene older-brother smile that says he’s been through enough.
and then there’s shen qingqiu—who is one stubbed toe away from committing a homicide. he’s watching all this unfold, vein popping, fan snapping in half, because HELLO??? that’s his baby brother??? his sweet transmigrated miracle child who used to cling to his robes??? and now this sword gremlin is out here flirting?? sparring??
every time someone mentions “SY and LQG” in the same sentence he’s like “oh? you mean the two people i’m about to separate with a restraining order?” while yue qingyuan’s just gently patting his shoulder like, “dear, it’s called love.”
and SQQ snaps his fan and is like, “it’s called jail time, actually.”
and through all this chaos SY and LQG are just standing there like, “why is everyone acting weird?” while the entirety of cang qiong peak alliance is collectively screaming, “BECAUSE YOU’RE IN LOVE, YOU DUMBASSES!!”
eventually the whole demon war thing kicks off and everyone’s losing their minds, yada yada, TLJ gets sealed under bailu (??) mountain. cue the collective sigh of relief from the cultivation world.
and the second that’s done, SY’s like “cool cool anyway i’m gonna go find that one kid real quick brb” and just vanishes into the wilderness. everyone else is like ??? but it’s fine. it’s SY. he probably has done this with LQG before.
and boom. there he is. our og protagonist. luo binghe, just a baby in a basket. like full-on moses-core.
SY just stares down at this squishy little bundle of destiny like “…this? this is the guy who’s gonna shatter the heavens and make grown men cry? this potato?”
and then he sighs, picks him up, and goes, “well. guess i’m a dad now.”
the system, somewhere deep in the void, flickers to life like a broken neon sign and goes:
[ERROR: TIMELINE UNRECOGNIZABLE] [WARNING: UNAUTHORIZED PARENTAL PLOTLINE] [WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO]
and SY’s just standing there like 🤷 “pidw never said anything about pre-lbh era sooo technically me and sqh were just vibing??”
and honestly? they were. they were coasting. they’ve been off the rails for YEARS. the plot’s gone, the system’s useless, everyone’s winging it.
god’s drunk. canon’s dead. long live the au.
going back to liushen—by now, the previous generation’s long gone and ascended. and everyone left behind is collectively like, “okay. ENOUGH.”
like, years. literal decades of tiptoeing, pining, sword sparring that’s basically foreplay, “oh no we’re just close friends” energy—everyone’s done.
by some divine miracle, it’s 6-year-old lbh—tiny, chaotic, too-smart-for-his-own-good lbh—who finally goes, “you know what? my dad’s lonely. this ends today.” like he’s out here personally speedrunning the matchmaking subplot no one else could finish.
and somehow?? SOMEHOW??? it works.
next thing anyone knows, liu-shidi and shen yuan are together. (don’t ask how. i don’t know how. i’ll figure it out when the brain rot gets bad enough.)
but the wedding??? oh my god the wedding. cang qiong would never see anything like it. lavish, ridiculous, definitely funded by like 7 peaks and one confused ice demon lord.
and instead of vows, these two idiots step into the arena, unsheathe their swords, and proceed to declare their eternal love through combat.
sparring match wedding vows. that’s their love language. blades flashing, spiritual energy humming, everyone crying and cheering while lbh’s in the front row like “mission accomplished.”
i wish i could write a fanfic like this but i want someone to see the vision in my madness and do this for a poor child like me i need this pleaseeee.
WAIT WAIT OMG i cannot believe i forgot to mention what SQH's thoughts thru all this probably woulda been. Bro i just know SQH WOULD BE ABSOLUTELY LOSING IT. like this man is witnessing the butterfly effect on steroids. he’s just standing in the corner of Cang Qiong, clutching his poor overworked pearls, muttering,
“what do you MEAN SQQ’s brother is alive and thriving? what do you MEAN he’s Qing Jing Peak’s ‘resident machoman’?? SYSTEM??? HELLOOO?? SYSTEM??”
crickets
the system unfortunately malfunctions and goes offline until LBH appears so technically he's free now.
SQH sees SY one day casually muttering about “wow, can’t believe this world’s logic runs on PIDW physics,” and he FREEZES. the dots start connecting in 4K HD. he just stares at SY for a solid 10 seconds before whispering, “you’re not native either… are you?”
and SY’s like 😐 “…excuse me?”
next thing you know, they’re in the corner of Qing Jing Peak, whispering like co-conspirators in a spy drama:
SQH: “So you also transmigrated?? From a modern world??” SY: “Yeah?? Bro I’ve been DYING to talk to someone about how wild this is.” SQH: “FINALLY someone who gets it!! Do you also—” SY: “—miss internet memes? God yes. I quoted a Vine once and Jiu ge thought I was chanting a spell.”
they’re bonding. they’re laughing. for five glorious minutes they’re besties. they’re trauma-dumping about absent-father!systems , cultural whiplash, and how confusing cultivation math is. SY’s even like “wow, you’re actually not so bad, Liu-shidi said you were kinda sketchy but—”
and then. then.
SY, casually: “So what were you doing before transmigrating, anyway?” SQH, not realizing the danger: “Oh, I wrote this webnovel Proud Immortal Demon Way—”
record scratch. silence. birds stop chirping. distant thunder.
SY: 😐 SQH: 😬
and SY snaps. all that righteous fury he’s been repressing for years bursts out in one divine “ARE YOU TELLING ME I’VE BEEN LIVING IN YOUR DUMPSTER FIRE NOVEL???”
he’s chasing Airplane around Cang Qiong like “you made me suffer through this nonsense??? YOU???” while SQH’s running for his life yelling “I SWEAR IT WAS THE READERS, THEY MADE ME DO IT!!”
