#traumatic events

[unwelcome-ozian]

[anoonimthepoorchad]

I bake bread to connect with my ancestors.

I mix the dough and knead it with my hands. I feel like the bread is my child, my true offspring, my product. I let the yeast rise and keep it warm. While I'm cooking, I'm carefully listening for the sirens. If I hear sounds, I collect my family and we hide in a safe space. Then I go back to my dough.

I wear an apron over my outside clothes. I can't risk it, I have to wear them everywhere so I'm always prepared. I feel kinda guilty for being safer than my people in the active war zones but I keep reminding myself that I will help in any way possible. I am safe so that I can help those who need safety.

In front of my eyes there are pictures of buildings bombed by Russia. I am alert for my life and a stupid thought flashes in my brain: "If a bomb hits us, the ruined bread will be the least of the worries". I know this but I'm still worried.

We had to stay in shelter for almost 2 days. It made me value the food and the resources. I feel like war will make me lose weight more than any diet. After all, it made me read books for the first time in years. Water is delicious, chewing much so the hunger is satisfied is amazing. Worrying is agonizing but reading about our warriors is refreshing and hopeful.

At home I realized that there is no time for rest to me. I have been making bread during peaceful times, so now I must make it no matter what. Everyone needs it. My own family needs it because there is no bread left at the store. I will use my skills for my people.

I have been worrying less about anxiety and depression and every mental problem I had before. My body is alerted and every system is in working and surviving setting. I am like a wild cat ready to fight. Hehe, guess it took a war trauma to fight my other mental illnesses. But to be honest, I started my recovery I think a month before the war.

I can't relate to memes anymore unless they are about the war and filled with gore. My group chat keeps sending each other memes with dead russian soldiers. It doesn't disturb me a bit. I like those. The only funny thing these days. Don't come for me, I don't have time to fight in the comments, so it'll be useless for you. Plus I don't think I'm wrong.

I put the bread in the oven and set the timer. I hope it'll be enough to help my family at least. The yeast was old because, ironically, in peaceful times I didn't get a chance to bake. I had to use it all and I also had to hide when the yeast was mixed with other ingredients, so I think it fucked up my bread a bit. It didn't rise as much as before. Maybe it's because I didn't put it in the bathtub filled with hot water, in case we had to hide there.

The bread in the oven smells amazing. Maybe I did do good hehe. Mom said that I can bake to provide not only our family but people in need too. This is everything I wanted. I was afraid I might be too cheap and selfish to work for free (like my dad), but I WANT to help.

I stood guard in the subway shelter near the charging phones for several hours. I made sure they were charged well and spoke to people coming there. I enjoyed it, because I am a very social person. Plus it reminded me of among us, staying in electrical near the shelves of electronics.

I don't feel very sad, just tired, hungry and angry at those who made us suffer. They will pay. I know it. I believe in it. For the first time in ages I have hope.

The bread is soft and fluffy. I made it as small rolls so that everyone can have a bite.

I need to stop being so hard on myself, the bread is delicious.

[promptsforyourwhumpfic]

Whump Prompt #890

The trauma of having made mistakes in the past that cost someone their life. When faced with a similar situation again, does a: 1) panic/clam up/go into shock 2) Recall what went wrong last time and execute everything they’ve learned since, perfectly. 3) Shakily direct others/observe - unable to be hands on in fear of messing up again 4) All of the above.

[anotherbluesunday]

Fic Teaser: What’s In Your Head? (Tyler)

“I’m a hostage in my own head wrestling for control. There isn’t time to worry about what’s on the other side waiting for me. The terror and destruction my hyde has caused—I’ll worry about that later. Right now I have to prioritize. The only way I can take control of me again and break its hold on my body is to get the jump on my hyde and stun it.”

“I’m being hunted and I’m running out of shelters.”

[midnight---muse]

𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑎 𝑔𝑟𝑒𝑦 𝑎𝑟𝑒𝑎 𝑏𝑒𝑡𝑤𝑒𝑒𝑛

𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑙𝑑 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑛𝑒𝑥𝑡.

𝑃𝑒𝑜𝑝𝑙𝑒 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑏𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑜𝑙𝑖𝑠ℎ; 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑑𝑎𝑏𝑏𝑙𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑜𝑢𝑖𝑗𝑎, 𝑖𝑛

𝑑𝑜𝑤𝑠𝑖𝑛𝑔, 𝑖𝑛 𝑎𝑢𝑡𝑜𝑚𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑐 𝑤𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔;

𝑎𝑛𝑑 - 𝑤𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑙𝑦 𝑜𝑟 𝑢𝑛𝑤𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑙𝑦,

𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑚𝑎𝑦 𝑜𝑝𝑒𝑛 𝑎 𝑝𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑎𝑙

𝑡𝑜 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑠𝑖𝑑𝑒.

𝑇ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑖𝑠 ℎ𝑜𝑤 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟.

𝐵𝑒𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑖𝑛𝑣𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑚 𝑖𝑛.

𝑆ℎ𝑎𝑑𝑜𝑤 𝑝𝑒𝑜𝑝𝑙𝑒 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒

- 𝕯𝖎𝖆𝖒𝖔𝖓𝖉 𝕯𝖗𝖆𝖌𝖔𝖓

[elliaze]

moon knight episode 5

i am lost with words

that episodes left me spechless

and hurt

and crying

i wasn't ready for this

[thundalips]

2016: surgery on both legs for compartment syndrome

2018: concussion from workplace accident

2020: burst fracture and spinal fusion from zero turn lawnmower rollover

To say my confidence took a blow after each of these events is an understatement.

[kratomkittycat]

I noticed today that I was removed from the Autistic Psychedelic Community group discord. This really upset me, because they said I said something wrong and literally just removed me. That made me feel awfully disposable. Because as someone who’s been abused and mistreated, I always stayed loyal. Because as my former mentor Zoe said, “you can’t have your cake and eat it too.” What that means is that I have to choose to have relationships or boundaries. Can’t have both. So for survival, I dropped all my boundaries to stay safe and keep my relationships. So if I really was removed because I did something wrong, than that just shows that the people in the group see me as disposable. Because I would never treat anyone like that no matter how badly they hurt me.

I don’t know how to deal with this. I don’t know how to move forward.