when life gives you lemons make a really bad unsweetened lemon flavored smoothie and give it to your dad

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when life gives you lemons make a really bad unsweetened lemon flavored smoothie and give it to your dad
yea im scheduled for hormone replacement therapy. as in they're gonna replace my hormones with the 4 humors. starting tomorrow my bodily fuction will be managed entirely with blood, phlegm, black bile and yellow bile. none of that "cortisol" or "melatonin" bullshit. thank you for your attention.
“i accidentally called my partner by my exes name” yeah. well. when i was making out with my ex girlfriend while shrek was on, i accidentally called her donkey.
when a coworker annoys you
but you suddenly remember you’re a writer:
"I could add you to my book.
and I promise
you won’t survive it."
I went to the park the other day to feed the ducks but god forbid a girl has a relaxing day
I sat down at the edge and this one goose
came from the other side of the pond to get ted
and when I ran out and had no more to give it the goose jumped out at me
so I screamed and jumped up to run off and I dropped my fcking shoe
and the goose chased me for ages
but then it went back and literally just sat next to my shoe and wouldn't move for ages so I just looked really helpless and stupid staring at it
I had to ask a random old man to go and get it for me omg l'd never been so embarrassed and as he was walking away he said
"haha something to tell the wife at the dinner table"
and I wanted to crawl into a hole and die
True story: The time my Grandma thought my Grandpa was a thief
I was just sitting here thinking about one of the most legendary stories my late grandma ever told me. It's peak old school romance but with a chaotic twist. I find it interesting and I thought that I had to share it😂.
Back in the day, my grandparents actually worked at the same company, just in different buildings. My grandpa was in management, but my grandma had no idea he even existed. One day, she is signing out to leave for the day and he happens to see her. Apparently, he was so struck that he decided to follow her home right then and there.
My grandma, being herself, noticed this man trailing her and immediately went into defense mode. She was convinced he was a thief trying to rob her! She got home safe, but the drama didn't end there.
That very same night, there's a knock at the door. Her mom tells her, "Someone is outside sitting with your dad." My grandma peeks from around the corner, sees him sitting there with his older brother, and whispers to her mom in a panic, "That's the thief from earlier! What the hell is he doing here?"
Imagine being my grandpa, sitting there trying to be a charming suitor, while his future wife is calling him a criminal in the next room. They ended up together, so clearly, he talked his way out of that one 🤞🏻🐥.
I watched the first twenty minutes of the IWTV pilot with my sister today (I’ve watched the show many times but I had to introduce her to it and I’m hoping to finish the episode with her over the week) and here are some fun moments of our conversation whilst watching:
Me, when Louis first appears: LOUIS! He’s a bit annoying but he’s going to appear a lot, so, get used to him. I like him.
My sister: …Okay? ———————————————————————————————————— Me, when Armand first speaks: *hooting and hollering like I’ve just won a touchdown - I don’t play sports*
My sister: Who is that?
Me, trying to avoid giving her spoilers: That’s… Rashid.
————————————————————————————————————
Me, when Lestat’s back first appears: WOOOOO! LESTAT!
My sister: *giving me a bemused glance*
Me, sheepish: Sorry, that’s my boy Lestat.
My sister: You like him, don’t you?
Me: Yeah, he’s great!- *remembers the end of episode five and other various Lestat moments* Well, he isn’t actually but… yeah.