I got asked by my friend's boyfriend if I could help her pack up and clean her appartment for moving. And I just..
I want to be a good friend and help. But at the same time I think to myself that they have a huge friendgroup that lives in the same city as them. I know that they all have a car. I'm the only one that lives almost 2 hours away by train.
I know that I've been a shitty friend recently. I barely reached out, didn't go to celebrations and just generally wasn't able to be there for them.
I know I should say yes. I know I should go and help. I know I should be a better friend again.
I want to.
But fuck, I'm so tired.
All I do is sleep and go to work. I don't practice bass anymore, I don't sing anymore, I'm not creative anymore. I feel tired all the time. My adhd is worse than ever. I have basically zero focus, and no sense of time and procrastinate more than ever.
Even when I have hours to recharge, I still feel exhausted and restless at the end of it.
But how do you make someone understand that? How do you say, "yes, I have the free time to come and help, but I can't". How do you say, "My working hours are chill, but still I can't come and help". How do you say, "Objectively, I'm doing okay but I'm also not". How do you say, "I miss you, but I can't come over right now". How do you say, "I know I'm being a shitty friend, but I can't do better rn".
I'm sorry for being a shitty friend. And I'm sorry that I'm so inconsistent. I don't think that I can do better right now
Semi-hiatus check in (tw: mention of chronic illness, cancer, burnout) -
hi, everyone. I’m still here and still regularly checking my notifications a few times a week. Still on a bit of a sabbatical due to some health issues. The last few years have been a lot health wise with a bit of a cancer journey (been in remission for almost 3 years now) + dysautonomia diagnoses that caused some pretty massive burnout and I just really needed a break from everything. I’m hoping to get back into writing soon, but can’t promise a date I’ll be back and will probably have to kind of dip my toe into things again vs going full force immediately with consistent posting once I get back. But just wanted to say my DMs are always open to chat and thank you so much for still giving me likes and follows and reblogs while I’ve been away. I appreciate every single one of you and hope to be back soon 💛
Semi-hiatus check in (tw: mention of chronic illness, cancer, burnout) -
hi, everyone. I’m still here and still regularly checking my notifications a few times a week. Still on a bit of a sabbatical due to some health issues. The last few years have been a lot health wise with a bit of a cancer journey (been in remission for almost 3 years now) + dysautonomia diagnoses that caused some pretty massive burnout and I just really needed a break from everything. I’m hoping to get back into writing soon, but can’t promise a date I’ll be back and will probably have to kind of dip my toe into things again vs going full force immediately with consistent posting once I get back. But just wanted to say my DMs are always open to chat and thank you so much for still giving me likes and follows and reblogs while I’ve been away. I appreciate every single one of you and hope to be back soon 💛
school is physically and mentally burning me out and i hate it i dont have the energy to do anything but i can’t fall asleep at night and it’s just *ugh*
Original Poem - Paced
Paced:
Pace...
I run miles.
Pace...
Told to just "smile".
Pace...
Feeling out of fashion, out of style.
Pace...
Unable to keep up-
Pace...
Burnout.
Pace...
There is no ember, no spark-
No life upon the face.
But "I won" the race...
The soul displaced and injuries interlaced.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pace...
See the flowers.
Pace...
Touch the trees.
Pace...
Walk slowly.
Pace...
Enjoy that tea or coffee.
Pace...
Feel the heartbeat.
Paced.
Do not always fall to the haste.
Lest, it becomes a price payed.
Trust me, do not repeat the same mistake.
Been mostly using shows or video games to avoid social media, since there's so much political stuff left unfiltered (yes I use filters, but a lot of folks reblog things without tags, myself included) and I live in the United States, specifically Florida.
Not asking for pity or anything here, just letting y'all know. Might post art or other projects here and ghere in the meantime.
Reblogging this on my RP blogs, so folks see this.
So many people in my life seem to be going through something right now, and I just wanted to give you an opportunity to share anything you might be going through. Good or bad, as specific or as vague as you're comfortable with. Or feel free to ignore if you'd rather not. No pressure at all!
I hope things are going well for you! But if not, I'll be sending prayers your way if you're comfortable with that!
I am... not.
and i haven't for a long time
I'll preface this entire post with a warning: THIS IS A VENT POST
the only tags will be trigger warnings
I thinks i've said it once or twice, but I started school this year. This is my first year in college after taking a gap year and also telling everyon i wasnt gonna go. I know jack shit about what im doing and its fucking exhausting. Theres so many things that i feel like I should know but dont because all the college information given out in my highschool was geared toward the college in that town specifically, which is not the college im going to.
I've also moved. im entirely on my own, physically and financially. I just met with my job and am starting very soon which is not good because my sleep schedule is all wrong. I may be switching jobs soon, but i can't just quit becuase, like i said, im on my own.
and those are only the big two. lets speedrun this. my anxiety, my autism, i need new glasses, my feet hurt more than i think they should, im a system, my eating disorder, my aversions that make it hard to drink the water up here, the burnout, the exhaustion, executive dysfunction, i also likely have adhd which mean rsd. im touch starved and touch adverse
those are just what i can think of off the top of my head
but all of this had been leading to what might be a pretty nasty breakdown and soon.
im so fucking tired all the time and that makes it hard to draw, but thats one of my only ways to relax. i like playing mc, but i get bored easily and also i cant sit at my desk for long becuase it feels like my head is too heavy for my neck. it hurts. everything hurts and my job doesnt help me at fucking all.
i was able to draw tsob while dealing with most of my issues becuase all i had to worry about was work. looking at my current schedule, i can find the free time. the issue is using that freetime to draw and not just sleep or dissociate. finding home is very dear to me, but drawing it the way i am can be exhausting and i dont want to start hating it, so i just.. dont draw it most days
i stress constantly about how i appear on my blog becuase i want so badly to do this right. i want to be good at something, like, as a person, not just as an artist. but i hate myself too much to believe in any progress i make.
i know its the rsd mostly but i see groups and i feel gross. its not as bed now (any of you beans that have made it this far, ily /p) becuase i found a community i can actually interact with, but it still comes up, especially because i've moved away from all my irl friends and its so fucking hard for me to make them in the first place. like.. actual friends, not just people i can work with at school
if i keep going i'll probably talk myself in circles, so ill stop it here. theres a lot more but im not going to ramble about my suicidal, intrusive, or sh thoughts on this blog. this is a post to inform you guys of the state of mind im in. im lonely and sad and its all building up to a massive breakdown.
im not going to be leaving tumblr or giving up on my comic, but i probalby wont update as often as i did tsob. i just dont have the energy.
i also will probably post some of my traditional art cuz i gotta fill up a sketchbook for my animation class, so that also takes away from the time i use to draw digitally.
almost two years ago i was frustrated and felt lost in my life because in my 20s all that i achieved was running a small blog about teen characters from the old kid's show and writing silly fanfiction about it. i was so humbled and insecure, and never truly believed when people told me i'm talented or creative.
i'm still lost and depressed in my 20s, and i still haven't achieved anything big, and yet writing and creating stories became one of my life preservers and a way out of the dark place i was in for too long. so i'm here to remind you that you're allowed to do something that makes you happy, you're allowed to create something new no matter how silly or pointless or inappropriate for your age it might look, you're allowed to receive compliments and kind words about your works even though they might look 'silly', you're allowed to not bash and humble yourself every time when you think about it, you're allowed to just let yourself be and most definitely you're allowed to call yourself talented, creative and good, to take care about yourself and say "yes, it's me and my works, and they have value. i have value!"