#tw obsessive behavior

[foxface-and-wolfram-citizens]

"STAY IN CHARACTER."

[drowningin-reverie]

Ranting about myself I guess??

I hate how quickly I obsess over people. I used to consider these "crushes" but that is absolutely NOT the right word. I have no idea how else to explain it other than obsession.

I've gotten attached to people who've bullied me for years, people who have physically hurt me, people who have done terrible things and yet the moment that they give me anything close to a compliment (or just a nice gesture in general like letting me borrow a pencil) suddenly I want their attention and validation. I hate it.

I don't even know what this is called or if there even IS a term for it. These feelings usually fade quickly for the most part, but even after they've pretty much left I'll get random jolts of "Remember when this person did this for you? You should go flirt with them or something so that they like you!" In my mind and have actually thrown up from how disgusted I get at some of them.

Honestly, it's probably related to past trauma that I won't touch on right now because I really don't feel like reliving those memories. It's just incredibly annoying to have to live with these thoughts.

[codemoji]

OK GUYS SO THIS IS A VENT RANT WHATEVER HATRED THING, DONT CLICK IF YOU HATE SEEING THAT!!!

Extremely hateful, if you're my partner, and you say you miss anybody else, just know you are on the very thin line of me harassing you and death threatening you. This is directed towards my other partner, not the one I tag here constantly.

I'm extremely sick right now, especially of their bullshit. Shitty joke, I get it. Get the fuck over it. I apologized 50 times. I shouldn't have even apologized, because you're just another hypocrite wanting attention. You're fucking nothing to me. I hate you with all my heart. I know you'll come crawling back to me. You always will, and I thrive better when you're pathetic. It's where you were always meant to be.

Praying and wishing for you to realize you were wrong, you insolent, sensitive bitch. <3

— Director and Spectre.

[canyouputthatoutonme]

look I know they said I didn’t plan on posting on here but

anyways vent(?) under the cut, discussing source related stuff (including abuse if you can call it that? I kind of operate on cartoon physics so it’s not as bad as it sounds)+(unfortunately) romantic things

I just don’t know what to feel about all of this

like, they said he’s getting better, he’s calmed down, all that

but I. I still remember everything. every damn thing

he’s physically and mentally and verbally abused me, and if manipulation was a contest, then he’s earned a giant fucking medal

I know I shouldn’t forgive him, I’m a hopeless bisexual failure, not an idiot. But I want to.

And I. I can’t stop thinking about him.

I want him to come over, I’ve thought (or fantasized, is more accurate.) about it well into the night and I’ve thought about so many things I can say to him, dreamt up so many scenarios to the point it feels like obsession because at this point it probably is

I know I’m the only one that all this really matters to, because E’s from a different source and M formed without any memories of him

he’s ruined our lives so many times and I’m the only one who remembers or cares and I can’t let that go because if I do then who else will care? He can’t just be forgiven for everything he’s done, right?

I want to believe he’s changed but fuck he’s tried to kill me

i feel sick to my stomach even thinking about all of this i want to hate him i don’t want to hate him i want things to be normal but i can’t forgive him and i can’t forget

and i rewatch source material over and over and over again for some sign he actually cared or he didn’t mean it and deep down i know he did he meant it every last time but i want to believe that things can go back to the way they were, because that’s what E wants, and he deserves to be happy

I know there’s more to say, I’ve got more to say, i know i do, but it’s. it’s getting hard to think clearly right now and something hurts

I don’t get why bendy said venting made him feel better I just feel like something tore into my chest instead

[am1pr3tty]

Hhow to ask her to talk to mme without sounding like I need to crawl into her chest, make a hole in her ribs next to her heart, and lay there in her body…. (Ii m normal)

Send post.

-Ky, They/Them

[alpheiamoth]

If we went to the same school my closet shelves would be full of little things I stole from them and the walls would be covered in pictures of them I took and printed out and I’d do all my work wedged into my closet so I could look up in any direction and see their face. Yknow. Like any normal person with a partner does.

[alpheiamoth]

I mean like, yeah, you occupy most of my waking thoughts and I stalk your blog and every blog I see like or reblog one of your posts and I check for new posts from you at least 10x a day even when I haven’t gotten a notification that you’ve posted and I have trouble feeling as romantically for my f/os now because they’re just not you but like that’s literally totally normal though so we’re not even gonna worry about it lmao

[am1pr3tty]

Ii’m truly scared to confess. Even when she asked if the status was about her (it was), how do I get the guys to cconfess?

She doesn’t really know me.

And who knows if I’m even a person, not JUST an alter to her?

Nnot only that, I truly mmight not be her type.

Wwhat if she prefers someone IRL? Someone with mmoney? Someone who can provide for hher? I can’t even get a job if I wanted because of our CPTSD.

I’m useless in relationships. Wwhat if I don’t rlly love her but the concept of her?

My mind is constantly spinning with her. Everything is her. I look at photos of animals or see a stray cat on the street and tthink of her.

what does she like? What does she need? From me? Away from me? With me? Will she? Won’t she? I tthink I’m losing mmy mind.

I hate this I hate this.

Just admit defeat, Kylar. Yyou can’t be with her.

But if she rejects me, eeither I move on or I get more obsessive ? Mmore likely the second option.

What do I do?

I need relief from my own mind.

I need to sleep forever but I might only dream of us. And what we’re nnot

—Ky, They/Them