#tw suicid

[nerd-alerts]

...

What would you guys do if I kms?

[doodlebob54]

SPOILER FOR EPISODE 3

Runs away

[depressedperpetual]

Nathan, stop telling the people around me that I am ‘actively’ suicidal. You’re making it sound like I haven’t been the entire time you have known me

[grabmybush]

My mega fic rec list

i decided to go through all my 170+ bookmarks and put the best of them on here.

I will be trying to sort them somehow (and ill list any triggers i can find) so it will be a long post. If you have any fic recs you think i might like, feel free to send them to me! I’ll be updating this every few months.

Kidnapping fics:

All the Things We've Lost (And All the Things We've Gained) by forensicleaf (temporary character death. well not really but youll understand. adorable comfort at the end)

Brave as a Noun by edema_ruh 

(most amazing kidnapping fic, hurt/comfort. Peter gets kidnapped by scorpion.)

more peril in thine eye by iron_spider

(THE BEST RECOVERY FIC EVER)

hearts are empty (almost all the time) by jwc 

(tetrodoxin B fic, one of the best hurt/comfort)

oh, darling. by luna_e_stelle 

(perfect in every way kidnapping fic. one of the best fics on here honestly.)

New Dream by writerllofllworlds 

(one of my favourite kidnapping fics. AU where tony and peter dont know each other)

darkness will be rewritten by marveal 

(amazing hydra peter fic)

And I'll Help You Take A Breath by @svn-f1ower 

(Peter and Tony are kidnapped, for revenge)

Fight Like You're Running Out of Time by jelly_pies 

(just- adorable, good whump)

If You Can't Catch A Breath (You Can Take The Oxygen Straight Out Of My Own Chest) by losingmymindtonight

(Peter’s buried alive)

i’m a superhero, just like you by @mjscornerr

(This is just- holy shit)

mental health fics:

I Want To Go. by chvotic 

(amazing depressed peter fic. heed the warnings)

Walking the Wire by @ironxprince 

(most accurate depiction of depression i’ve seen yet, amazing fic in every way. read the tags)

Possibly triggering fics:

(to be specific, this will include abuse, addiction, and possibly some non con. It won’t include mental health fics)

here comes the sun by @motherkarizma 

(BEST AU IVE EVER READ. read read read. ive read this 20 times and i havent gotten sick of it yet)

my old man by @parkrstark 

(amazing. spectacular. trigger warnings tho)

Danny Boy by friendlyneighborhoodirondad 

(ive read it over 50 times. never gets old.)

Take my heart not my life by elephreak

(amazing fic. huge trigger warnings.)

the locker room by searchingforstars 

(amazing recovery fic. major trigger warning.)

battle scars by endlessxriver 

(hurt/comfort, amazing. please be weary of the tags)

I Find it Hard to Breathe by chvotic

(Holy shit the flash redemption is strong in this one)

Parkner (and other Peter parker ships):

Tennessee Whiskey by Superstitious 

(parkner slow burn. the best in existance. try to prove me wrong, i dare you)

If The World Was Ending (You'd Come Over, Right?) by Shaderose 

(one of the best parkner fics ive read)

Teddy Bear Blues by Shaderose 

(adorable parkner fic. made my cry)

Have Them Over by @canonismybitch 

(Interwebs fluff and flash redemption)

i'm gonna miss you when i'm gone by LilacsAndLilies 

(Parksborn fluff)

the way you're taking my heart, you're making this thing look easy by LilacsAndLilies 

(Poly Peter/harry/harley fluff)

cupid painted blind by @silver-bubbles

(THE BEST PARKNER FIC HONESTLY GO READ IT)

My Favorite Person in the World by baloobird

(Again, if its written by kris its gotta be amazing)

hurt/comfort:

Apartment 43B by ironfamjam 

(one of my top fic recs, adorable hurt/comfort)

In the Home by aloneintherain

(pure whump. pure. whump)

Mercy by wolfypuppypiles 

(amazing whump. poor bruce)

Creepy Crawlies & Peppermint Allergies by Webtrinsic  

(adorably angsty allergy fic)

Wired Shut inside and out by Webtrinsic 

(Mute peter parker. i loveeeee)

round two by caraminha

(After coming back from the snap, peter has to go through the mutation process again)

Guard Your Own by fizzseed 

(possibly anti- steve rogers endgame fix it)

(After)Life of the Party by peterjackson  

(amazing fic. peter gets poisoned at a party)

Before You Go by heavenlyshadows 

(angsty endgame au with fluff)

The Good Fight by Emily_F6 

(one of my favourite recovery fics. temporary paralysis)

For All My Days Remaining by amethyst-noir (Arbonne) 

(ironstrange hurt/comfort)

Like A Strike of Lightning by Daydreamer5187

(Basically what the summary says)

Something the Soul Needs by @blondsak

(holy shit this whump, dude)

you held your pride like you should have held me by searchingforstars

(Holy shit this is some of the best worried!tony content ive ever seen)

The Stories On My Skin by Imissyoutoo

(Tony sees peter’s scars)

Leave out all the Rest by @xxx-cat-xxx

(major character death. amazing, purely amazing. i had to take a minute after reading it for the first time to just process it, i cannot reccomend it enough)

with great power... by parkrstark

(dont even get me started-)

The Targets We Paint by ephemeralstark

(bruh this is so good)

Colder Here Inside in Silence by TheOceanIsMyInkwell

(aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAA)

Casualty of war by wolfypuppypiles

(oh my god this is... the best)

AUs:

nothing is impossible (with you) by highqualitynot

(two words. CINDERELLA AU. thats all i have to say. also parkner)

Lake of Tears by @romeoandjulietyouwish

(one of my favourite au’s, written by my friend!! swan lake au with hurt/comfort)

the fire's out but still it burns by justt_ppeachy

(adorable irondad soulmates fic)

Heart of Iron by SuperHeroTiger

(peter has the arc reactor, im1 au)

Everything, All At Once by ironfamjam

(irondad soulmates)

when I'm lost (I feel so very found) by cold_nights_summer_days

(my gift for the fic exchange! Homeless Peter)

Out Like a Light by lavishhallucinations

(Peter with a fainting disorder)

Leave out all the Rest by xxx_cat_xxx

(Tony’s diagnosed with brain cancer)

Fluff:

Love you, Papa by chvotic

(most adorable superfamily moments)

It'll All Be Fine by 221BroadwayIron (Adorably fluff, au)

LGBT Fics:

What's in a Serum? by purplestarfish

(trans peter parker, trans steve rogers. amazing fic)

blood under my belt by softystarks

(trans peter parker, great pepper potts)

June by peterparkr

(will make you simultaneously cringe and smile. Tony’s just a hopeful dad trying to do his best... it doesnt really work out)

[fiona-inculta]

Till death...

under a read more due to length very angsty and triggers galore, 

Hector kills Vulpes and Fiona gets her revenge. it started out a drabble and turned into a full damn story.

@ratherxintense

Staring at the door she sat quietly,two weeks. Hes been gone two weeks, he promised three days. She sat in panic wondering if she needs to leave. Fighting with herself telling herself she should have went after him days ago. It wasn't right and she felt it. No letter brought by a man saying he would be later the planned. Nothing. Just scilence. Feeling her heart beat pounding away in her chest she got up quickly and ran up the stairs to their bedroom. "I should habe left a week ago." Speaking to the emptyness, She changing her clothes quickly and packing her bag hastily for anything she may need if he was in trouble put on her boots and ran out the door not even noticing that she had left it wide open in her hurry.

It took a days time to find out the area he was last in. Question wastelanders on a blue eyed blond hair handsome man by the name of Ivan Fox. Every question every encounter terrified her. Changing her story each time deciding that telling them she is his wife and hes missing wouldnt be a good idea incase he has been with a new contact. She cringed and her stomach turned each time that thought came creeping up. "I'm his sister unfortunately our mom has passed away and i need him to come home." A lie she stuck with decently well. Until she came upon one group of raiders outside some shitty bar. They mostly laughed at her but did inform her that a friend of theirs dragged someone off by that description they couldnt tell her the mans name. "What is your friends name?" She said sternly being met again with laughter and a comment of.

"Hector. You best bet to stay away small woman." Hearing that her face had lost color, there must be no mistake. She remembers a few years back Vulpes came home fucked up and terrified of a man named Hector. It had scared her to see him afraid of anything much less a man. "I will do as i please now which way is this Hector..." The sweetness in her voice had disapeared,the darnkness in her eyes shown as she spoke. The three raiders quieted down noticing the change in the small woman in front of them. Pointing and telling her the general direction of his place they didn't worry. Once she had gathered all the information she needed she took her blade out, killing all three unsuspecting raiders they were close together and she had managed to end them before they had a chance to defend themselves. After all she couldn't leave a witness she had a grave idea of what she was dealing with now and knew this was not going to end well.

Following the direction they gave her head spinning the whole way, feeling that its too late that its her fault, this is why she needed to leave sooner. Two weeks. Could Hector have him this long and he still be alive? The growing pain in her stomach starting to get stronger as she forces herself to not be sick. It wasnt long before she approached a building with what looked like minimal lighting. The sun was setting so she hid, but hid close enough to see a figure moving around. Fiona watched and waited it felt like hours and maybe it had been. But the figure stepped out and she got a decent look at his face. "Hector" , she mumbled as the man looked how Vulpes had described him to be. He left off some where she could care less about after only waiting ten minutes, when he was good and out of view she crept in an open window.

Standing in his home she looked around, the place was disgusting. Blood, carnage, body parts from what she could make out. Covering her mouth she gaged before noticing something shining in the corner. Approaching she also saw legion clothing.. And his Vexillarius hat.. "No no no no" she spoke out loud in a panic as she ran twards it. Dropping to her knees she knew.. It was him.. It was... Him. Non recognizable, almost as if he was never a human at all. Shakingly she reached out to what was part of his hand the gleam she had initially saw. His wedding ring, further setting in it was him. She stood up and vomited in the near by sink before breaking into tears and sliding back down to the floor, crawling back to what remained of her husband, her owner. Fiona gently put her hands on his holding it but not moving it as if it would melt and be gone too.

She cried over him for as long as she could her body shaking in heart break and anger. Gently she took his ring off and put it in her bag along with his hat. Moving his hat made her scream, causing her to see more of what was his face tears coming down harder making her vision blurry, almost censoring the image herself. Next to him was more of his things, among them one of her red scarfs that he took and always carried when he was away.

Taking his hat over to the sink she washed it off. Not very well but well enough to put it in her bag. She wasn't alright. And this was not the end. She couldn't bury him. She couldn't take to much , and make it noticeable someone was messing with the body or inside hectors house. Hesitating to leave she stood at the window and looked back at him."I love you.. Mea anima.." She spoke quietly words he had always spoke to her. She turned and left out the window she had came in.

Watching, waiting, ploting. Days and nights on end. Days passing, turning into weeks. She was going to do this right and she was going to kill him. Stalking Hector took longer then she initially thought it would to get his patterns down, his behaviors, his drinks. By the time she had formulated a plan a few weeks had passed. Watching outside his window or a rock, he never noticed the small woman, after all her proficiency in sneaking about was one of her greatest abilities. When it got dark out and she was confident in his movements she would creep between windows watching him. Watching how he murders. Their screams for help falling on deaf ears for she was not their to be their savoir. The one she had cared about was gone. And Hectors destruction was the only thing on her mind. Leaving his place temporarily to get what she needed for her plot, drugs of almost all kinds along with a good healthy supply of med x and the basic stempacks. But enough drugs to know the monster out was her goal.

He had left and now was her plan in motion she snuck in. Several bags of drugs crushed and ready to be put in every bottle of alcohol he had she started in. Setting it up. Making sure she had enough rope and that his own killing table would be ready for him. Leaving this time she waited on his roof.. Hours passed before she saw him walk alone into his home. Perfect she thought to herself, No need to get rid of a victim. Climbing down she watched threw a window. Watched as Hector downed his own poison. About an hour past the beast fell to the floor not even making it to the couch by now he must knwo something isnt right. Fiona acted quickly not knowing how long she had before he wakes. Practically jumping through the window she threw her bag down grabbed her rope and tied the large mans hands and legs together. He was home and had already stripped himself of heavy armor for that she was greatful. It was feat getting him upon the table but using the rope and a little extra strength she was able too and tied him down with rope and the tables leather straps everything tight, she could see his hands changing color, no chances of him escaping or getting ahold of her.

Hector came around in just a hour the drugs wearing off. He fought at the restraints she quickly injected something into his neck causing him to almost lose consciousness again. Slapping his face she spoke. "Hey hey there!" Her voice was erratic sounding as she continued his eyes looking at her in confusion. "Don't, don't fight it. . it is over for you..you know. You must know.. Countless people you must have killed here..." She glanced over to the corner. As Hector noticed where she was glancing. "Before you open your disgusting mouth yes... You killed my husband. Vulpes.. " her cheeks turned red as her eyes started watering and bluring. Taking her hand she wiped her at her eyes concentrating back onto what she was doing. She could see a smile creep up on Hectors face.

Screaming at him as he began to tell her the awful things ans grosome things he had done to Vulpes. Quickly she took a rag and shoved it in his mouth nearly down his throat. "You Don't get to fucking talk!!" She screamed at him,already having a set plan she didn't want to hear this and didn't want to stray from the path. Crying she took a blade from his weaponry and started cutting away at him. His screams muffled from the wrag. Showing him each part of him she cut off of him, keeping him alive with med x and a stim pack here and there. "Don't want you to bleed out just yet now do we?" Her voice low almost a whisper. It went on for what seemed like hours, days? A day? Keeping it slow and keeping him alive. Taking breaks herself she would stop and sit on the couch and stare off into the corner letting time pass. Unmoving, almoat as if she was a statue. Then back at it again. Him in agonizing pain eventually she got all his limbs off in a gory mess on her and on the floor parts of him almost scattered everywhere arms legs fingers foot. But she kept him alive through it all, with the drugs of the wasteland. Stopping everytime shock had made him pass out. Eventually there was no more to cut off and he had spit out the rag at this point. Her over on the couch once again staring off. He speaks "I wonder if i have found someone the same as me.." He was speaking but was speaking as if delirious not directly to her.

It broke her gaze into nothing as she shook her head as if coming back into this world. "I'm not the same as you.. I'm fucking better then you." Standing up she went over to Vulpes corpse and grabbed his ripper slowly running her hand along the side of the blade. "Its time to end this. Its time for you to die Hector." Walking over to him she put the blade onto his neck, not turning it on she slowly sawed away at him until he head was completely severed. Grabbing his head she put it on a spike outside in front of the building before going back in. Gathering everything she needed she stumbled upon holotapes. One had Vulpes name on it she grabed it and put it in her bag, she had also found his ear in Hectors sick collection. She wrapped it in a red cloth and stored that away as well before walking to the corner of the room. She took the scarf he had carried with him and covered his remains with it, kissing her fingers and pressing it to the cloth. She walked out of Hectors home with no peace in her heart and no where to go but home.

She didn't stay at their home very long, it was a wreck by the time she got there. Animals all gotten to the food. Things everywhere. Walking straight upstairs she grabbed extra clothing but not hers, their wedding holotape from when they took a vacation and got secretly married at Jacobstown. She held it close before packing it away too. As she walked out she paused at the second bedroom next to theirs, glancing in it toys and teady bears. A dream she nagged him of that will never happen, his promise unintentionally broken. She closed the door and continued walking.

Not sure where she ended up . some home . some strange land. She got rid of anyone in her way until She found this one room shack, already frail from not eating, she looked sick and emaciated, opening the door she found it acceptable. Spending her nights playing his voice on their wedding holotape, hearing his voice speaking their vows helped lul her to sleep when her tears dried. Until one night she played Hectors tape. His screams, his sorrys to who she could only assume her. Hectors laugh, the laugh got to her. Everything had gotten to her she could no longer take this only a few months had passed sense he died and she couldn't continue. She put his ring on her finger next to the one he had givin her on their wedding day. Curled up on the old bed crying she took her finger, her nail still pointed and sharp with the metal underneath she glided it down her arm, and then again on her other arm. The red of her blood begging to run down her arm onto the bed at a fast pace she closed her eyes and held his hat tightly the fur of it touching her face as she closed her eyes and welcomed the deep sleep that eventually over came her, her heart coming to a stop. Fiona becoming one of the sad mysteries of the wasteland for anyone who stumbles upon her.

[depressedperpetual]

The first time Nathan saw Alexander’s ship he was surprised, it was a ship from the Dark Age of Technology with no damage marking its exterior. The only markings were hand carved scripts of some language he had never seen before. It was much smaller than the other ships in the Imperium, small enough to have an incredibly small crew to function. Alexander lead him into the ship and showed him to his unnecessary personal room for “rest or whatever you fucking want to do”.

As Nathan explored the ship he came across no crew, just dusty hallways and dully lit cargo bays filled with strange objects. Some were so old he couldn’t even imagine what they could have been made for while others still had the Macanicum logo polished like it just came from Mars. After two hours of diligent searching Nathan finally found another person. A Navigator from an unknown house, and Nathan could not tell how old they were. He tried to communicate through both High and Low Gothic but the Navigator didn’t understand him. He left after another 3 hours of unsuccessful communication attempts, and after he left Nathan realized that he should have gone back to check on Alexander. The 147 years of mental training and instruction should have instilled in him a worry about Alexander’s mental state.

As Nathan stated making his way towards Alexander’s small living quarters he came across one last person. It was a frail older man that was wandering the halls. This old man started to freak out and ran off before Nathan could try and talk to him. Nathan started after the man but he heard a soft bang from where Alexander should be. Nathan bolted, guardian spear ready to cut down whatever attacked the person he was charged to protect. As he entered the room Nathan understood that there was nothing out of the ordinary, just Alexander sitting on a faded blue couch. Nathan moved to examine Alexander, needing to see if he was physically unharmed before he investigated the sound was.

Nathan saw a small gun in Alexander’s hand and quickly looked up and saw a closing wound on Alexander’s temple, blood slowly dripping down onto the couch and his shirt. Nathan ripped the gun out of Alexander’s hand and threw it against the back wall. Alexander woke up at the exact second the gun shattered against the wall.

“What did you just do?” Alexander asked, way to calm for the situation at hand.

“I did my job, I removed a dangerous object from a person willing to harm you.” Nathan simply responded. Alexander turned and looked at the shattered revolver, and snapped his fingers. It appeared back into his hand fully reconstructed.

“I don’t need you to do anything, so just stay the fuck away from me” Alexander snarled, standing up and walking away from Nathan. He absentmindedly spun the cylinder of the revolver, and said something in a long dead language which echoed throughout the entire ship. Nathan moved to follow but chains emerged from nowhere and tied him down as the ship’s Gellar field activated and the ship started to move into the Warp. Nathan knew that this was going to be a long and dangerous road.

[nerd-alerts]

Tw: suicid

They crossed the line.

They hurt you again.

Not physically.

Emotionally. Mentally.

You’re standing in front of your window.

Open wide.

Hand on the screen.

You can’t.

You just can’t push it open.

There’s a strange feeling in your stomach.

It weighs you down.

You move your hand.

Close the window.

And just lay on your bed and sob.

You crumble up the crappy note you made.

You didn’t eat that night.

And you barely drank anything.

You just go to sleep.

The next morning you pretend nothing happened

Smiling happy laughing

Faking.

You keep going on

You see your therapist the next day

It’ll be ok

It’ll be ok.

It’ll be ok..

It won’t be ok….

(Based on a real story.)

(You aren’t alone.)

[alcremikyu]

ik so tired of this fucking choir teacher i am GOING to have a meltdown "itd be great if you introduced yourself" WHAT IF I MADE YOU WATCH ME KILL MYSELF