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Peter tries to never talk about his dating life with Tony, not directly anyway.

Tony’s chalked it up to the kid being way too embarrassed. The minute he tries to bring up that MJ girl, Peter flushes a bright pink and stumbles over his words for the next hour. It’s seriously detrimental to their productivity in the lab, he decides.

Plus, he’s never been one for dating advice. He’s lucky Pepper even gave him a second glance after the bullshit he’s put her through. So, he was happy to leave it alone. He lets Peter bring it up naturally in between rants of Star Wars and Spider-Man.

He doesn’t nag the kid. And he almost expects it when Peter eventually brings up going on highschool sweetheart dates with MJ (even if they are to horror movies or death museums…)

His questions start when Peter starts to bring up Ned.

It’s offhanded, and Tony doesn’t pry, but he doesnt miss when Peter calls Ned his boyfriend or the way he flushes the same pink when he talks about them building legos together. Even if just yesterday he had spoken about holding hands with MJ like it was their wedding.

He knew the kid looked up to him. That much Peter couldn’t hide. And Tony had always had a nagging fear in the back of his mind, imagining Peter actually becoming like him. He knew that was a risk when he’d taken the little spider under his mentorship. Now, his greatest fears have come true.

Peter Parker, the playboy.

It, honestly, sends a shiver down his spine.

He reaches his limit when Peter shows up for lab day on Friday, as per usual, gushing about MJ and Ned at the same time. Like nothing is out of the ordinary. Even as Tony looks him up and down, like he’s just grown an extra head.

“What?” Is all Peter says as he quirks his head to the side. His backpack sliding off his shoulder slightly and his shoes untied. Nothing out of the oridnary. Tony bites down on the inside of his cheek. Gods, where is May when he needs to have these ‘talks’?

“Listen kid… You know I was young and dumb, right? You were one of those, err, fanboys or whatever.”

Peter cringes. “I was eight-“ Tony cuts him off with a wave of his hand.

“You made a whole helmet. It was cute. Whatever. My point is— I was dumb. You’re not. You’re smart. Probably the smartest kid I know. And you’ve got a future ahead of you.”

“I hope so?” Peter quips. Tony just sighs. Don’t get distracted.

“You just said MJ was your girlfriend.” He crosses his arms, raising a skeptical eyebrow.

Peter blinks. “Uh… Yeah?”

“Then, not even five seconds later, said you went on a date with Ned. Hate to break it to you kid, but I’m pretty sure that’s, uh… That’s cheating.” He points out with a frown. Peter stands there, unmoving.

In slow motion, Tony watches the kid go from a small smile to genuinely doubling over in laughter, holding his sides and hiccuping. It takes another moment for Peter to catch his breath, standing upright again, still giggling slightly.

“Mr. Stark, I’m not cheating.” He explains, shifting on his feet with a sheepish grin. “We’re polyamorous.”

Now, it’s Tony’s turn to blink, unmoving. Peter can practically see the gears turning in his head. He’s sure if he doesn’t step in soon, a literal 404 error screen will pop up on his mentors forehead. Peter takes a breath and continues.

“We— We’re all dating each other. And we’re all okay with it. It’s not a secret or anything. I promise.”

There’s a long pause of silence as Tony processes Peter’s additional words. Thankfully, there’s no reboot necessary.

“So… You all know,” He finally speaks up. Peter nods. “And you’re all… happy?” Tony asks, a little more hesitantly.

Peter smiles fondly, clearly thinking of the two he had just spoken to a few hours prior. “Yeah. Yeah, we’re all really happy.”

“Huh.” And just like that, Tony shrugs. “Well, next time maybe just give me a heads-up in the ‘partner department’, yeah? Pepper would’ve killed me if you invited both Ned and MJ to dinner and we didn’t set an extra seat.”

Peter’s face lights up, his shoulders slumping slightly in relief. He nods with a genuine smile and the two move on. In a second, Peter is back to ranting about the latest soap drama he and May had binged over the week while he was gone.

That’s all he needed, really. His kid was safe and happy. Sure— Once Peter had left, Tony had spent at least three extra hours in the lab, googling and reading wikipedia. But, ultimately, it was worth it.

Peter Parker was worth it.