#two names

[eatsleepcrap]

[mapofthewrld]

callie.... is a good name........

[unambiguouslybi]

Hi um... this is a bit of a long ask, I apologise...

So, I recently realised that I might be bigender and I've been trying to look at gender neutral names, but the problem is that I actually quite like my birth name, and although I don't mind always being called by it, I don't like being "outed" as afab when I'm presenting masc. I've been really struggling with having to give up my birth name, especially since I'm indian and my indian birth name is very important to me.

I saw this one comic a while ago where the artist was explaining their bigender experience and they had two names. They never explained why they had two names, but I realised that that would be perfect for me. If I could have two names; one for when I felt like a girl, and the other for when I felt like a boy.

The only problem with that is that... it feels very "special snowflake-y". I hate that I feel that way about something that could make me happy but I do...

So I just want to know... is it common? For bigender/genderfluid/enby people to have multiple names? Will I be part of the very minute minority? Or is this more common than I realise?

hey there!!!!

right off the bat i want to reaffirm you that its 100% valid for you to want two names there's nothing wrong with that at all so please please please don't let the fear of it being uncommon stop you from doing so!

now, personally i don't know many people with two or more names but i do know that i've heard about this before. in my time in the lgbtq community as well as the bigender community i've seen or heard alot of discussions about people adopting a second name for reasons very similar to yours and honestly i find it really really cool. having a second name just allows you to explore yourself more and better understand your identity if renaming only your masculine side but keeping a different name for your feminine side feels right for you than by all means do so!

there was a period in my own self discovery where i had different names for my gender counterparts too (masc and enby) though, for me it was to help me understand the 'new' me that i was becoming and i didn't share those names with anyone else as they were purely for the sake of my own self discovery.

i definitely think that having two names might be more common than you think it is but also don't get discouraged if its not a hugely common phenomenon. while i have seen it a few times i cant really say that i've seen it often but i also don't tend to surround myself in that part of the community. taking into account your worries concerning having two names id highly suggest you make a few friends who also have two names or find online circles that have two names/are accepting of people with two names.

p.s: if any of the other mods would like to add on you're more than welcomed to

-mod ky

[bigendering]

heyo, i've been identifying as bigender for a little while, and i've been trying to look for names that i would stay comfortable with when experiencing both of my genders. at this point, i think i'd rather use two names instead of one, but i feel like that would confuse a lot of people- like my peers and family. so, how do you fare with using two names? and how did you explain it to people?

Do you want to use them both together, or one in some situations and the other in others, or one when you're feeling one gender and the other when you're the other, or just both whenever? That's a lot of scenarios, but I think the answer varies between them, so I'll break them down.

If you want to use a double name, you can just say that's what you want to be called. If you want to explain why, that would help people understand and probably encourage them to use it, but you can also just have that expectation, and enforce it. I have a cis friend who has a double name and has trouble getting people to use it, but people can get used to it if they get over themselves.

If you want one name used sometimes and the other at other times, I think you'll have to remind people a lot if they see you in both situations, but they'll get used to it, especially if you nickname the names, like "my work name and my home name" (for example). Categorizations and rules and rationalizations help people. If people don't see you in multiple situations, you can just introduce yourself as whatever name you want to use and they'll call you that, which is pretty simple. If later they encounter another name situation, they'll usually be able to adjust pretty quickly with everyone else calling you the other name.

Wanting one name with one gender and another with the other gender is the hardest one I think, unless you perceptibly change your presentation along with your gender. You'll need to have some indication of which name you want people to use, whether that's something like a bracelet or them asking and you telling. Presenting it as different versions of yourself is helpful, but you'll also probably need to do a lot of reminding and enforcing until people get used to it.

If you just want both names used, no conditions on when, I think it would help to tell people it's like a nickname. People named Joshua are often called both Joshua and Josh depending on what people feel like, and they can do the same with your names. You'll probably end up with various people mostly calling you one name or the other, but if you're okay with that you can always introduce yourself using the less used name and things will balance out over time.

Hope this helps!

Sapphire

[nonbinaryresource]

I dislike my birthname and the nickname I go by. I'm trying to pick another name and I'm stuck between Eli and Ellie - both derived from my middle name which I love! The more I think about it it feels like both are right depending on how my gender feels. I don't know anybody with two names. Any tips (or just pep talking?) on asking for both from friends who might not be used to such things? Or insight about how it works for people?

You can definitely have two names. If your depends on your gender, it completely makes sense that you would have two names. I think there’s a couple ways to go about asking people to use your names and how to navigate it. 

You could have two necklaces where one says “Eli” and the other “Ellie”, like this. Or bracelets. Or pins. Or you could just have two different colored bracelets, pins, or necklaces where one color is “Eli” and the other is “Ellie”. Or you could just tell them day to day.

When you tell your friends you use two names, you could do this in a letter, text, phone call, in person, or any other way. Before you talk to them, determine what you want to tell them. Some things to consider:

How will they know what name you are using?

They will most likely ask why you use two names, so you may want to prepare a response.

Do your pronouns change with your name or are they the same 24/7?

Are your pronouns the same as they were before?

Who do you not want to know about your two names? (Parents, family, teachers, other friends, etc)

This is a step by step guide

Examples of letters

I can tell you, people do use two names in real life. If people are not used to others with two names, you could provide them resources. 1  2  3  4  5

-Mod Zay

[pinkisbitter]

Everytime someone in my family yells a one syllable word and I can only vaguely hear it, I automatically go into panic mode

[unambiguouslybi]

This is the two names anon: thank you so much!! I think I'm going to try out two names... it's a little scary but I have a group of friends who are very open minded so hopefully it should be fine :') thank you!

Glad we could help! 💖✨

-Mod Eli