#two turtledoves

[tomicscomics]

01/12/2024

"Can that tiny pamphlet really contain all of Mosaic law?" Bro.  Sure.

___

JOKE-OGRAPHY: 1. Following from the last two comics, Mary has to make a sacrifice as a new mother, according to Mosaic law (Leviticus 12:1-8).  As a poor family, she and Joseph can't afford the prescribed sacrifice of one yearling lamb and one turtledove, so they address their "Mosaic Law and You" brochure and see if there are substitute sacrifices they can use.  It turns out there are!  According to Leviticus 12, if they can't afford a lamb, they can sacrifice TWO turtledoves (or pigeons) instead of one.  "Two turtledoves" is one of the lyrics in the song, "The Twelve Days of Christmas," so in this cartoon, I add a list of other possible substitute sacrifices as if the song is an extension of the Leviticus law.  It is not.  I am a lying liar, who has lied. 2. "What's a french?" reflects the fact that Mary has no idea what "french" means.  Back in ye olde Bible dayes, France did not exist in its current form, as St. Joan of Arc hadn't yet slain the titan, Grumblebuff, whose head became England and whose body formed the rest of Europe.

[wiirocku]

Leviticus 12:8 (ESV) - And if she cannot afford a lamb, then she shall take two turtledoves or two pigeons, one for a burnt offering and the other for a sin offering. And the priest shall make atonement for her, and she shall be clean.”

[whumpmi]

Twelve Days of Whumpmas, Day 2

Two Turtledoves: Human Shield

Whumpee being punished, Caretaker just had to join in the fun!

TW: mention of blood, whipping, male whumpee

"Ah, Caretaker, just in time!"

Whumpee had just been tied into position on the large cross. The whip in Whumper's hand flicked against the wall, the resounding crack much louder in Caretaker's ears than it really was.

"Don't-- don't do that, please."

"How else would Whumpee learn his lesson?"

"Try talking to him?!"

"That never lasts, he won't remember past tomorrow."

"And leaving marks all over him will help, how?"

"Visual reminders, Caretaker, you should try it some time."

As Whumper's arm drew back, Caretaker threw themselves over Whumpee's thin form, ignoring his weak protest.

"It's okay, don't worry about me."

The shock of it all, Whumper not stopping despite knowing they would strike Caretaker, and Whumpee's barely audible gasp, melded together into Caretaker's choked grunt, barely concealed behind gritted teeth.

"Beautiful! Whumpee, look, your favourite person is taking -your- punishment."

The whip gave red welts in return for bits of cloth coming off Caretaker's back, while Whumpee begged Caretaker to move out of the way.

When it was finally over, Whumpee was released by a very satisfied Whumper.

"Clean up Caretaker before my floor gets stained. I trust you will remember your lesson?"

He knew better than to try and get away from the hair ruffle Whumper was determined to give, and soon as they turned to hang up the whip, he was scooping up his beloved but unconscious Caretaker.

"Yes, Whumper."

@amonthofwhump thanks for the challenge!

[maculategiraffe]

boyfriend: why are you still Christmas shopping for the baby when Christmas was two days ago

me: common misconception but actually it's only the second day of Christmas

[howtowhumpyourhiccup]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Whumpmas Day 2

Summary: Written for Whumpmas 2021 Day 2. A Follow-up to Day 1 ‘Sacrificial Lamb’, still set in that “Hiccup left Berk” AU. After spending the last year with Hiccup and Toothless, how can Astrid possibly watch them be hurt?

Warning: /

Rating: Teen and up

Characters: Astrid, Hiccup, Stormfly, Hiccup

Pairing: Minor Hiccstrid

Words: 3 710

Fandom: How to Train Your Dragon

Prompt: Human shield

Whumpee: Astrid

Author’s Notes: Two days late, but I lacked the energy to post it.

Constructive criticism is appreciated.

Enjoy!

[skeletonsinzeeclost]

Supernatural Advent Day 12: Twelve Days of Christmas

Jack doesn’t quite know what to make of turtledoves....

2019 AoW Supernatural Advent Prompt List Remember if you want to play along just tag your post with: #AoWSupernaturalAdvent2019 So I can find it!

[manquebusiness]

Maybe your true love knows you're trying to stock a game preserve, did you ever think of that?

[myboysfanfics]

Two Turtledoves

TITLE: Two Turtledoves CHAPTER NUMBER/ONE SHOT: Christmas One-shot AUTHOR: myboysfanfics WHICH TOM/CHARACTER: Tom as himself RATING: PG-13 SUMMARY: Tom decides to surprise his girlfriend. He tells her he’s still out of the country, when he’s actually in town planning a huge surprise. AUTHORS NOTES/WARNINGS: Mostly fluff! Tom just inspires adorable fics for me… Happy Christmas!

When Tom landed at JFK soft snow had begun to fall. It couldn’t be more perfect. As he got in the back of the car he’d hired for the evening he thought about the first time he’d come to New York just to visit. He’d met up with Evans and they’d spent the entire trip out around town. Broadway had been fun and seeing the Statue of Liberty was amazing but nothing had compared to the jazz lounge they ended up in one night. They had been given the wrong address for a gallery, but when they heard the voice that lilted out through the door with the music they agreed to check it out. The man at the door collected their phones, policy at the lounge to protect the musicians and to keep it authentic. Going into the lounge was like going back in time. Almost everyone was in fine clothes, some of the men even donning fedoras. That’s when he first laid eyes on HER. Esther Nightingale was a sight to behold. Her ebony hair pulled back in a french twist, her skin the color of cocoa, she wore a red sheath dress that reached her knees, a pair of red Mary-Janes and black fascinator (Tom thought that’s what they were called anyway). She looked like she walked right out of an old movie. When she was done singing Tom pulled out a small leather-bound book he’d bought earlier and headed in her direction, telling Chris he’d be right back. He walked up behind her. “I wonder if I could get an autograph?” He asked, holding out the book and a pen. “Well, sure you can, hun.” She turned and took the book, not even looking up at Tom. “Who do I make this out to?” “Tom. Just Tom.” He said, trying to ignore the fact that more eyes in the room were turning to stare at him. “Well, “just Tom” here you are.” That’s when she looked up. She gasped, her eyes went wide and she took a step back. Another beat layer and she collected herself, scribbling something more in the book before handing it back and heading backstage. As it turned out, she’d given him her number and it had been a wonderful progression from there. It blossomed into a great friendship before it evolved into something more. They’d been dating for a year now and as Tom headed to the lounge he felt his nerves ratcheting up. The car pulled up in front and Tom sat for a moment taking a couple deep breathes. When he walked in the lounge James, the owner, greeted him. Sticking to the shadows, James took him to a reserved table in the darkest corner of the room. Esther looked stunning tonight. Her hair was in curls with a red poinsettia tucked in near her ear, her dress was calf length with a slit in the right side that went halfway up her thigh and deep green with gold trimmings on it, a thin gold colored scarf was looped loosely around her neck, she had on what Tom assumed were her seamed stockings and her favorite saddle pumps. She was singing “Santa Baby” and swaying her hips to the music. Tom loved to watch her perform, she truly loved what she did. When the song ended the lights dimmed on the stage so that only Esther was illuminated. “This next song is for my darling. While we may not actually be together, you’re always home to me. This one’s for Tom.” The piano began to lightly float notes into the air. “I’m dreaming tonight of a place I love, even more than I usually do. Even though I know it’s a long road back, I promise you. I’ll be home for Christmas….” That’s when Tom decided exactly what to do. After a quick talk with James, Tom snuck backstage and grabbed a mike. He stepped from behind the curtain and brought the mike up. A spotlight flooded him as well. Then he joined her song. “Christmas Eve will find me, Where the love light gleams.” Esther froze, stopping mid song, and turned. When she spotted Tom she broke into tears, smiling from ear to ear. “Hi baby.” Tom couldn’t help smiling as she headed for him embracing him tightly as the crowd clapped, cheered and whistled. “What’re you doing here? I thought you couldn’t make it?” She whispered. “I wanted to surprise you.” “Well you certainly accomplished that.” Esther giggled. “Darling I have something I want to ask you.” “Can it wait? I still have to finish my show.” “No, besides I already cleared this.” Tom pulled a small box from his jacket before getting down on one knee in front of her. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, not only from excitement and anticipation but also nervousness. “Darling, I’ve been enamored with you from the moment I saw you. You fill my life with joy and peace and I can’t imagine it without you. Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife and make me the happiest and luckiest man in the world?” Esther nodded, tears streaming down her face. “Yes, Tom! Yes! I will!” James stepped up on stage. “I was wondering if you two lovebirds would do a duet for us, what do ya think folks?” The crowd whistled and cheered. Tom looked at Esther and nodded. Esther nodded to James. “Well, folks. Looks like we’re in for a treat. Tom and Esther!” James stepped down clapping as the band started the music for “Baby it’s Cold Outside”. They finished to a standing ovation and Tom couldn’t help but think he couldn’t have planned it better. Tom walked with Esther to her car after the show and opened her door for her before heading around to his side. The car ride to her apartment was short, quiet and peaceful. They no sooner were in the elevator with the doors closed and she pulled him in for a passionate kiss. They pulled apart and behaved walking down the hallway. As the door to her apartment closed behind him, Esther pinned Tom to the door making him grunt in surprise. She wrapped one leg up over his hip. Tom hoisted her into his arms, her legs wrapping around his waist as she kissed, sucked and licked his neck. “God, I missed you baby. I thought I was going to have to spend Christmas without you.” Esther breathed in Tom’s ear. “I know. I’m sorry darling. I’m here now.” “And I’m about to make love to my fiancé.” Esther quivered in his arms and he could feel her smile on his neck. Both of them stripped their clothes off, then laid on the bed and made sweet, passionate love. As they were spooning together after Tom couldn’t help but admire her in her sleep. His semi-tanned arm was a milky contrast to her chocolate colored torso. As he kissed her shoulder he thought about how lucky he was to have such wonderful woman as his bride-to-be. He pulled her tighter to his body before finally drifting off to sleep, a luminous smile plastered to his face.