Local Area Man “Very Appreciative” of hotline Set up to help Adult Males cope with Popularity of Greta Thurnbeg
BOSTON, MA- After sixteen year old Swedish climate change Greta Thurnberg was invited to speak at the United Nations Climate Change Summit in New York this past Monday, several adult conservative males erupted into criticism and anger as they struggled to cope with the sudden popularity and influence of the teenage climate change activist.
While a majority of the public struggled to understand why any fully grown, independent adult male would feel so threatened by a sixteen year old girl that they would need to take time out of their day to harass her online via means of social media and online article comment sections, several child psychologists and call center volunteers joined forces to set up a helpline to help these grown men cope with their feelings towards the teenage climate change activist.
One such grown adult was thirty four year old Boston local Jefferey Benson, who reported feeling “very appreciative” of the creation of the helpline to help men like him express their feelings about the teenage climate change activist while also helping them “move on with their lives.”
“Before I knew the helpline existed, I spent several hours a day this week searching for any and all articles covering Thurnberg’s U.N. speech, crafting insulting comments, and arguing with people calling themselves “environmental science majors” in the comment sections, whatever that means,” commented Benson.
Benson’s obsession with trying to harass Thunberg affected him so much that he even became late for work because of it on one particular occasion, “My manager/co-workers weren’t really that understanding either when I told them why I was late. They said things like “Jefferey, you’re a grown ass man. What business do you have trying to pick a fight with a sixteen year old girl? Shit like this is why your wife left you” commented the Staples Sales Associate on the non-supportive attitudes of his colleagues.
Luckily thanks to the creation of this new helpline, Benson has been able to successfully manage his obsessive need to harass a teenage climate change activist with his more adult responsibilities.
“Before finding out about this helpline, I used to spend all my time during my breaks at work checking through my notifications/messages on Facebook and Twitter to see if the bitch [Thurnberg] had any response to the dozens of witty messages and comments I left her. But now I just wait to get home and call the helpline for about an hour or so, screaming and crying into the phone while a counselor on the other end helps validate my feelings about Thurnberg and how fragile my masculinity must be to be so worked up over this. It’s really pretty amazing” further explained Benson.
“It really is quite a therapeutic release for grown men who feel so insecure about themselves that they have to take their insecurities out on a teenage climate change activist in a sad attempt to make her feel insecure about herself” reported Blaire Richards, a child psychologist who helped found the helpline.
“What you have to understand is that while they may appear to be fully functioning adults, these men can easily be reverted into a childlike temperament and jealousy when they see a woman, especially a women as young as Thunberg, accomplishing something that they could never even dream of accomplishing in their adult lives, such as being invited to speak at a U.N. summit. Therefore if you really want to understand these men, you have to treat them like the child they really are on the inside” further explained Richards.
“We’ve also found it highly beneficial in the debriefing process of our calls to engage them in a relaxing, therapeutic activity that also helps them keep their fragile masculine views intact, like reading them a bedtime story with that may involve a brave knight rescuing a princess over some milk and cookies” added Richards.
While Benson admitted that he found such therapeutic activities to also be helpful to him after calling the helpline, he did however confess that he was feeling quite enraged after his last call to the helpline when he suggested that if Thunberg really wanted to be taken seriously she should have a scientific expert confirm her beliefs about climate change, only to be told that many scientific experts already have confirmed her beliefs.
