May 2
There is an ache in my heart for the imagined beauty of a life I haven't had, from which I had been locked out, and it never goes away.
Robert Goolrick, The End of the World as We Know It
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There is an ache in my heart for the imagined beauty of a life I haven't had, from which I had been locked out, and it never goes away.
Robert Goolrick, The End of the World as We Know It
It terrifies you. That you missed out on something. That you gave up something you didn’t know you wanted. What was it? Was it a boy? Was it a vocation? Or was it a whole life?
Little Fires Everywhere (Celeste Ng)
LIVE LIFE FULLY
Somehow today has managed to be one of the most enjoyable days of my life. And at the same time, one of the most depressing.
There is such a thing as an unlived life, and even if it is nothing but air bubbles in water, a shadow of something that does not exist, I am nevertheless able to see small flashes of it, it dances around me and every now and then becomes recognizable. I associate it with certain times, certain places.
Jan Grue, I Live a Life Like Yours: A Memoir. B. L. Crook (Translator). (FSG Originals, August 17, 2021)
Chapter: Da Capo
Author: André Aciman Book: Find Me Series: Call Me By Your Name [2] Published: 2019 October 29 Genre: Adult, Fiction, LGBTQ+, Romance
Did I want to be like him? Did I want to be him? Or did I just want to have him? Or are ‘being’ and ‘having’ thoroughly inaccurate verbs in the twisted skein of desire, where having someone’s body to touch and being that someone we’re longing to touch are one and the same, just opposite banks on a river that passes from us to them, back to us and over to them again in this perpetual circuit where the chambers of the heart, like the trapdoors of desire, and the wormholes of time, and the false-bottomed drawer we call identity share a beguiling logic according to which the shortest distance between real life and the life unlived, between who we are and what we want, is a twisted staircase designed with the impish cruelty of M.C. Escher.
Andre Aciman, Call Me By Your Name, pg. 67-68
I know I need to move on and get over things but I cant stop wishing to un-live so many moments and to be good enough for the people I need to learn to stop loving