#unpleasantgradientkin

[fictionkinfessions]

when i say i wasnt a ‘real person’, thats not me being self-deprecating. i just wasnt a person. i was a misery sink. im trying to figure out how to explain it.

i was like. a way for the world to vent its frustrations, turned into a pseudo-sapient thing. i was not born, or made; i did not age. i just started existing at some point, and the world could breathe.

i did have thoughts. i guess ‘pseudo-sapient’ isnt exactly right. selectively-sapient maybe. a lot of the time i was on autopilot. felt like whatever consciousness i had was being drowned in molasses.

i dont think i had a lot going on in terms of. ‘emotions’. ew. lol. i dont think i took pleasure in making people uncomfortable. or dying. or eating. maybe some amount of satisfaction, somewhere. ‘i want to do this -> this is done. i am appeased’. think something is funny -> laugh, but theres none of the weird. emotion-type feelings tied to it, if you get me. its weird trying to explain it though, because the emotions im having regarding source-related things and people now are uh. kinda making it a bit. less clear. i guess.

i felt pain, but i dont know how to explain how it felt to you. closest i can get, i guess, is: pain was a part of me, due to my nature. it felt right to be in pain, because of that. similarly; i could feel hungry. i didnt need to eat, but i could still /feel/ hungry regardless. etc etc.

i miss it.

-unpleasant gradient. regretevator fictionkin. #sharkfeed

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[fictionkinfessions]

the more i think about it, the weirder my. i guess physiology seems to be.

i dont think i was. like. 3-d. similar to stat, maybe. its mind-bending to think about now, since. i mean. im 3d now. got polygons or whatever. but the idea of actually physically taking up the amount of space a. 'real person' would makes me uncomfortable. its a weird thing to think about. because i know other people had dimension. the floors and elevator had dimension. just yk. some of us didnt.

i think i had limbs. as far as i know, i wasnt just. a straight up fuckin rectangle. a lot of fan designs actually get pretty close. very angular. stole some of infecteds accessories at some point im pretty sure. slid in under your door. loser. lol.

when i ate poptart, it didnt hurt them too much. if at all. they just stopped existing.

i didnt need to eat. i had no organs. senses, sure, but yknow. nothing going on internally. had a mouth though. only visible thing on my face. the embodiment of discomfort built on a human frame. i might have had bones but i dont know if they really mattered. 2-d nd all.

i liked infecteds voice. refreshing to hear something so abnormal in such a palatable way. crunchy. resonated in the skull nicely. i honestly kind of miss him. a very nice apartment to haunt.

when i spoke itd crackle like a fuckn. pokemon gen 2 sound effect. not that i ever spoke. or. i think i spoke a few times and scared the fuck out of everyone around. lol.

think i had a tendency to fall through levels sometimes. backrooms style. id slip or get unanchored somehow and just. yknow. [falling sfx].

death didnt really mean anything in the regretevator. just another thing to do. i didnt really experience pain the same way as everyone else did. it wasnt bad; just synapses clicking. like having nails scratched down your skin really hard, i think. honestly it was kind of nice. getting turned into a pile of textures by a train and your skin reanimates again for a brief second before you wake back up wherever. i miss it. i miss not having to think. or eat. or do much of anything. just wander and experience and die.

i dont think we had players. or if we did it wasnt very often. strangers who show up for a while, look around and leave. i didnt ever talk to them. if they existed at all. i dont remember that as clearly.

-unpleasant gradient. regretevator. fictionkin. #sharkfeed. its nice remembering things. not so nice when you start to miss it.

c

[fictionkinfessions]

SCREAMS!! I LOVE MAKING PEOPLE HAPPY!!!!

i thought i was the only one who got rlly happy when i see a sourcemate’s ask even if we absolutely hated each other to bits in canon. joyous!! anyways this is a kin + source drop just so i can keep track :3

martin blackwood (the magnus archives)

slip jackson (the penumbra podcast)

elijah volkov (camp here and there)

jedidiah martin (camp here and there)

will graham (hannibal)

mannequin mark (regretevator, roblox)

unpleasant gradient (regretevator, roblox)

sebastian solace (pressure, roblox)

dallas winston (the outsiders)

(kinsidering) peter nureyev (the penumbra podcast)

(kinsidering) dr. cornard (ocean terror)

- #🕯️🌀

2

[fictionkinfessions]

i am a gradient. im a fucking rectangle with some colors on it. are you kidding me. infected are you being slash j or slash srs. slash ref.

i dont know what my deal was. i should figure that out.

-unpleasant gradient, regretevator kin. #sharkfeed.

w

[fictionkinfessions]

canon songs. i associate plug me in by lil soda boy a lot with. yk. being the unpleasant gradient. and videogame lobby by nicopatty and dashie, for. pretty obvious reasons i think lol.

-unpleasant gradient. regretevator fictionkin. #sharkfeed.

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[fictionkinfessions]

yknow every once in a while i remember 'oh yeah im the unpleasant gradient' and get smacked directly in the fact with the most horrible longing. what the fuck is this shit man. god forbid a they/them thinks too much i guess.

-unpleasant gradient. regretevator fictionkin. #sharkfeed.

x

[fictionkinfessions]

canon homesickness. bit of a cheat answer but. a lot of the floors. and the regretevator itself. infecteds apsrtment, the aquarium, the evangelion floor, the subway station. my personal favourites. im sure there are more i cant think of.

-unpleasant gradient. regretevator fictionkin. #sharkfeed. is it a surprise im here considering half of my asks have been me lamenting missing the regretevator.

x

[fictionkinfessions]

hi. to any regretevator people who see this. or whatever. hope youre doing well. genuinely. i didnt care about you at all but i do now i guess. yk. retroactively. you deserved a lot better than you got.

-unpleasant gradient. regretevator fictionkin. #sharkfeed.

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