#upset upset

[autistic-rock]

tumblr app updated the buttons bad bad bad bad hate the new layout hate hate hate hate hate messing up my motor planning

[autistic-rock]

feel like am too autistic for Deaf community :(

know there are many deaf autistic but feel like not many autistic Deaf if that make sense. most autistic people meet in Deaf space are level 1 low support just struggle bit socially maybe stim while signing

am better at produce facial expressions for sign language grammar than some autistic people still worse than allistic signers. but bad at recognize expressions on other people & struggle with tone in sign language when major clue is signing style & facial expression. cannot read faces know in theory what expressions mean cannot match in real time formulate appropriate response

can't keep up with Deaf social norms stay out late talk talk talk always social never can leave

since not full deaf / deaf from birth feel lots of community think am not real part of it & look down on me when don't understand their signing like "oh look another new signer" when am fluent just cannot understand language when tired (& always tired in Deaf space is so so so social)

don't know where i belong. can't navigate hearing world can't navigate Deaf world can't fit in anywhere love love love Deaf community culture people have met there but still not feel like place for me :(

[autistic-rock]

bit myself all over hurts & itches :(

[autistic-rock]

sometimes i hate being autistic so fucking much

[thebewilderer]

Feeling like the underside of a shoe today and contemplating skiving off Therapy Guy

[autistic-rock]

hate being deaf when it prevents me from participating I can't understand i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it

used to love going to theater workshops now I can't understand anything feel left out can't participate it's not fun anymore

feels so so so so so bad to not find special interest fun... feels like almost physically painful

[autistic-rock]

there are giant fucking spiders in my room too leggy don't like legs am crying don't like them go away go away go away