So, how fucked would heaven have been in Hazbin Hotel had Hell invaded?
Spoilers for both Hazbin and Helluva boss below.
So, we don't get firm details on the relative population or military forces of heaven or hell in the show, but it's implied that hell considerably outnumbers heaven, but we have no idea by how much.
Except… Helluva Boss repeatedly mentions the Goetia commanding "legions" of demons, and the Lesser key of Soloman the grimoire Vivzi seems to have taken most of her lore from, gives exact numbers of legions, so we can estimate Hell's standing army, if not heaven's.
(what percentage of these legions, if any, were actually loyal to Vox is never confirmed, so this is just an estimation of numbers.)
So, I was going to start with the highest ranking Goetia we meet in the show, Hell's dad-of-the-year runner-up 35 years running, King Paimon.
in The Lesser Key (MacGregor Mathers and Aleister Crowly translation) Paimon directly controls 200 legions, and has two underlings Labal and Abalim, who each control 25. So that's 250 legions. So how big is a "legion"? Well in the roman republic it's about 4,800, in the late roman empire it's around 6,000, but the "Classic" Roman legion of the early empire, after the Marian reforms, with the double-strength first cohort, is 5,280, not counting auxilia support.
Paimon, on his own, commands between 1,200,000, and 1,500,000 troops. Most likely 1,320,000 troops.
1.3 million.
For context, that's about the size of the Active personnel of the entire US military: Army, Marines, Navy and Airforce combined, not counting reserves and civilian DOD staff (US military strength is 2.9 million if they are counted).
Paimon, on his own, has an equivalent armed forces to the USA, and more than India or Russia. The only standing military on earth bigger than his personal, private army would be China.
His immediate family named in the show (Stolas, Andrealphus by marriage) not counting the "So fucking many" kids he has, control 1,610,400 assuming the middle value for a legion. 1.6 million.
Stolas on his own commands (or commanded) 137,280. Closest real-world equivalent would be Algeria (139k). He's got an armed force somewhere in size between the United Kingdon, (144k) and Greece (136k). Fucking Stolas, the demon listed as being “Too pacifistic” in lore. And he’s only got 26 legions, the average is over 30.
The 72 Goetia daemons listed in the Lesser Key, command between them, 2, 699 legions (I made a spreadsheet).
That's between 12,955,200, and 16,194,000. Most likely 14,250,720.
Hell's standing army is over 14 Million, not counting Lucifer and the Seven Deadly Sins troops if they have any... for context, the largest army earth has ever seen, the Red Army circa 1945, was 12 million.
No wonder Sera looks like this for most of Hazbin s2.
Led by Jeff Merkley, Tammy Baldwin, and Cory Booker, they have sent a letter to Appropriations Committee leaders.
Remember how we spent all last year and the early part of this one fighting this sort of thing where they slip anti-bodily autonomy stuff into must pass funding bills?
Here we are again. Please, call your critters in the Senate, whether Republican or Democrat. Democrats actually had our backs through these fights in the last few years, but it's not guaranteed given the scapegoating in the press, so call Democratic critters too help stiffen their spines. Thank them if they are standing up for bodily autonomy; tell them your opinion if they aren't. Express support for trans healthcare as well as abortion
If you can't safely contact them in person, here are some other options:
Call the Capitol Switchboard at (202) 224-3121 and ask to be connected to the representative of your choice.
Here is one that will send your reps a fax: https://resist.bot/
To get your Critters' numbers to call direct: https://www.congress.gov/members/find-your-member
A look at the politically contentious antagonists of 'The Falcon and the Winter Soldier.'
The Falcon and the Winter Soldier‘s Flag-Smashers echo mainstream imagery of antifa protesters and the hacktivist movement Anonymous. They’re a decentralized group who are radicalized online, and they wear identical masks during IRL meet-ups. So far, so V for Vendetta.
If we trust Torres’ description of the Flag-Smashers, we’re about to see a storyline where Sam Wilson… defends the philosophical concept of borders and patriotism? Kind of? Of course, the show also sets up a subplot where Sam Wilson fights a branch of the U.S. government, embodied by the new Captain America. The Flag-Smashers may turn out to be sympathetic figures by comparison; a civilian group with relatable motives. However, there’s absolutely no way this show will conclude with Sam taking a stand against nationalism. It’s going to end with him picking up the shield and modeling the right kind of nationalism.
As I discussed in my initial review, The Falcon and the Winter Soldier is a clear example of the MCU’s military propaganda. This particular detail often inspires one of two reactions among Marvel fans: “Duh, who cares if it’s propaganda, I’m just here to watch Sam and Bucky kick ass.” (Fair!) Or, “The MCU can’t be propaganda, it openly critiques the U.S. government and military!” This latter argument misunderstands the way these stories work on multiple levels.
Obviously, most people aren’t going to watch The Falcon and the Winter Soldier and walk straight into the nearest Air Force recruitment office. They’re going to open a new browser tab and start looking at Tumblr gifs. But the show does have close ties to the military, as proven by its official premiere on an Air Force Base. The first episode begins with Sam heroically fighting foreign criminals in Tunisian airspace, using a high-tech flight suit developed by a military contractor. This scene explicitly echoes real-life American warfare in North Africa and the Middle East, framed in a positive light. A local man literally thanks Sam for his service, with Sam replying, “Always happy to help.”
While the show also includes a U.S. military/government villain (John F. Walker), this sets up a familiar formula. The MCU will happily tell stories where fascistic villains infiltrate U.S. government agencies, but the story always ends with a military/law enforcement hero defeating them so we can return to the status quo. That’s what happened in Captain America: The Winter Soldier and Civil War, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., and even WandaVision, where a pair of heroic FBI and S.W.O.R.D. agents depose the evil Director Hayward. Problem solved! Except five minutes before they do this, a platoon of S.W.O.R.D. footsoldiers were happy to hold two children at gunpoint. So the organization largely remains the same, just with Hayward out of the picture.
“Massive government overhaul” isn’t a fun topic for a superhero movie, so it makes sense for the MCU to focus on simpler conflicts. But in terms of political messaging, these stories encourage us to sympathize with military/government heroes (Sam Wilson, Steve Rogers, Nick Fury, Agent Coulson, Jimmy Woo, Carol Danvers, Sharon Carter, James Rhodes), who use violence and superior technology to protect America. Many of these heroes are women and people of color, tying into Disney’s push for more diverse and inclusive casting. Photos from Disney’s upcoming Ms. Marvel show depict the MCU’s first Muslim hero (a civilian teenager) wearing an Air Force jacket.
It’s not breaking news to say that Marvel loves military stories. That’s been a central theme since Iron Man, and it’s an obvious choice for a Falcon/Winter Soldier show. But the introduction of the Flag-Smashers definitely raises some questions. As I said before, they may turn out to be sympathetic antiheroes, tying into a storyline where Sam Wilson clashes with the “official” government-endorsed Captain America. At the same time though, this show premiered at an Air Force base, and Marvel Studios has a close relationship with the Pentagon. Make of that what you will.
Tbh it’s actually incredible how the new Star Wars films, and Rogue One in particular, draw unmistakably clear visual and thematic parallels between the Empire/First Order Stormtroopers and the post 9/11 US military. It’s almost unthinkable that a major, mass-market film created by and largely for Americans would portray its main villains in a way that is directly reminiscent of the US military, and yet that’s exactly what those films do. This is one of the most damming critiques of US imperialism in any contemporary major Hollywood film.
I’m more condemning the moral cowardice of Hollywood that I am celebratinh of Star Wars here, though.
GI Joe is an elite American counter-terrorism unit formed to fight the international organized crime and terrorist organization Cobra
Despite being elite and the best of the best they are woefully under equipped.
The US millitary pays millions of dollars to develop weapon and defense systems that would give GI Joes a decisive edge over Cobra, but once that money is spent they decide it costs less to train new recruits than to properly arm the old ones and bins the future tech the Joes could use to save lives. This happens repeatedly.
Even less funding is spent on health care, physical or mental. Joes who get discharged due to injury get to deal with the same VA as everyone else. The suicide rate is over double the US population average.
The Joes struggle with finding out the suffering they’ve put in on behalf of world peace is often highly politicized back home. One party likes to paint them as hyper racist bogeymen because Cobra regularly exploits ignorant third world populations for its benefit, putting the Joes in conflict with those people, while the other party happily implies not following along with their batshit policies is somehow disloyal to the Joes and aids and abets Cobra. If the Joes comment on the problem the brass chews them out and punishes them.
The Joes are told they’re the good guys, but find in the modern world of globalist crime they often have to prop up or work with unsavory characters to get the intel or support they need to stop Cobra. At the end of the day, helping an opium warlord oppress his people is the lesser evil if the alternative is letting Cobra nuke Brussels.
Even though Cobra’s leadership is unquestionably evil, the Joes find more often than not that they have to attack and kill people who are far less obviously guilty. Cobra’s manpower is made up increasingly of ignorant kids, people with little or no other economic opportunity, people with legitimate political grievances being exploited for Cobra’s benefit, and just literal slaves.
Eventually Cobra Commander is killed, but unfortunately his organization was so diffuse it takes another two years to ultimately dismantle. In the meantime hundreds more still die from Cobra related violence. Also, his various lieutenants splinter off in the power vacuum and form their own autonomous groups. Some of them are even more bloodthirsty and destructive than Cobra was. The Joes want to fight them as well, but the airforce wants to buy ten billion dollars worth of airplans with guns that don’t shoot and popular opinion on the fight against Cobra has soured, so that gets shelved until Destro starts a rape cult that takes over Syria.
At some point it becomes clear that Cobra was a CIA false flag from the eighties that got waaaaaay out of hand. Also, even at their peak barbarity, most of their funding came from US allies. Nothing is ever done about this.
Unmanned spacecraft landed in Kennedy Space Center by causing a sonic boom
Unmanned spacecraft landed in Kennedy Space Center by causing a sonic boom
Mysterious military spacecraft lands in Florida causing sonic boom. U.S. military officials say an unmanned spacecraft orbiting Earth since May 2015 has landed in Florida. The Air Force posted tweets that the X37B spacecraft landed Sunday morning at the Kennedy Space Center in Cape Canaveral after 718 days in orbit. Multiple media outlets reported that the 29-foot-long spacecraft’s return caused…
US military sends ground troops to Somalia for the First time in 24 years
US military sends ground troops to Somalia for the First time in 24 years
US military sends ground troops to Somalia
The United States military has authorised that an additional 40 ground troops be deployed in Somalia making it go do down in history as the largest presence in the African country since the 1993 fiasco known as Black Hawk Down.
According to NAN, the Pentagon said 40 soldiers from the Fort Campbell, Ky.,-based 101st…
