So, how fucked would heaven have been in Hazbin Hotel had Hell invaded?
Spoilers for both Hazbin and Helluva boss below.
So, we don't get firm details on the relative population or military forces of heaven or hell in the show, but it's implied that hell considerably outnumbers heaven, but we have no idea by how much.
Except… Helluva Boss repeatedly mentions the Goetia commanding "legions" of demons, and the Lesser key of Soloman the grimoire Vivzi seems to have taken most of her lore from, gives exact numbers of legions, so we can estimate Hell's standing army, if not heaven's.
(what percentage of these legions, if any, were actually loyal to Vox is never confirmed, so this is just an estimation of numbers.)
So, I was going to start with the highest ranking Goetia we meet in the show, Hell's dad-of-the-year runner-up 35 years running, King Paimon.
in The Lesser Key (MacGregor Mathers and Aleister Crowly translation) Paimon directly controls 200 legions, and has two underlings Labal and Abalim, who each control 25. So that's 250 legions. So how big is a "legion"? Well in the roman republic it's about 4,800, in the late roman empire it's around 6,000, but the "Classic" Roman legion of the early empire, after the Marian reforms, with the double-strength first cohort, is 5,280, not counting auxilia support.
Paimon, on his own, commands between 1,200,000, and 1,500,000 troops. Most likely 1,320,000 troops.
1.3 million.
For context, that's about the size of the Active personnel of the entire US military: Army, Marines, Navy and Airforce combined, not counting reserves and civilian DOD staff (US military strength is 2.9 million if they are counted).
Paimon, on his own, has an equivalent armed forces to the USA, and more than India or Russia. The only standing military on earth bigger than his personal, private army would be China.
His immediate family named in the show (Stolas, Andrealphus by marriage) not counting the "So fucking many" kids he has, control 1,610,400 assuming the middle value for a legion. 1.6 million.
Stolas on his own commands (or commanded) 137,280. Closest real-world equivalent would be Algeria (139k). He's got an armed force somewhere in size between the United Kingdon, (144k) and Greece (136k). Fucking Stolas, the demon listed as being “Too pacifistic” in lore. And he’s only got 26 legions, the average is over 30.
The 72 Goetia daemons listed in the Lesser Key, command between them, 2, 699 legions (I made a spreadsheet).
That's between 12,955,200, and 16,194,000. Most likely 14,250,720.
Hell's standing army is over 14 Million, not counting Lucifer and the Seven Deadly Sins troops if they have any... for context, the largest army earth has ever seen, the Red Army circa 1945, was 12 million.
No wonder Sera looks like this for most of Hazbin s2.
King Paimon is One of 72 spirits in the Ars Goetia, One of the 4 Kings, 200 legions of spirits, Traditionally rides a camel (dromedary), Arrives at varying intensity
Rank: King (Sun/Solar )
Planet: Sun
Days & Hours: Sunday and Sun Hours
** Can be worked with Mars, Venus, Mercury, Jupiter days & hours **
Element: Air & Water (Goetia) Fire (Liber 777)
Direction: West
Domains: The Arts, Sciences, Clairvoyance, Prophecy, Transformation, Influence, Spirits, Dignitaries
Enn: Linan tasa jedan Paimon
Pronunciation: Lee-nahn tah-sah yeh-dahn Pie-mon
Paimon is summoned using their sigil preferably during the hour of the sun planetary hour. Use the Abrahamic (Solomonic) or Pagan (Demonolatry) method, and be respectful of their king rank. Increase chances of their visitation with an offering (incense, water etc..) , often prepared with solicited help from his subordinate kings Beball and Abalam. When requested, he speaks clearly and grants requests.
Colors: Yellow, Purple, Orange, Royal Blue, Gold, Black & White
King Paimon’s energy feels like a blast of energy; sometimes it can be at a specific pressure point on the body. Akin to spike of energy (such as caffeine). They prefer to be confined in some type of circle due to their intensity; speaks in a questioning manner. Shoes up as a (ancient) Egyptian child. May hold a ankh, energy can be stuble. May cause technical glitches (mercury) & and spontaneous noise. Skin color can be grey, dark blue, gold or sliver; eyes grey or black. Likes citrus and chocolates prefers to be around bodies of water; their energy may cause a lack of sleep. Request to tone down their energy.
Recommendations:
A short PDF book containing prayers/petitions and spellwork with King Paimon
