#vampire problems

[drmace]

[bdgonhldy]

"absolute thotsferatu"

(meme text @cryoverkiltmilk)

thot mess Cass?

🙌🤌🫶

[mantizmoya]

- a quote from the Ancient story of the quetzalcoatl and the moon rabbit I was told by my friend.

[themistboundtable]

I like how I have this whole random event system for my solo game. It goes: roll a d20 4 times at the start of the day, 1-6 is an event, 7-8 forces me to develop a new recipe (and figure out a situation that requires it), 9-12 is a person/npc, 13-20 rolls on my big verb list.

I have three event tables. One for daytime, one for nighttime, and one just for villages/towns as populated areas need unique things.

As a joke, I put d100 as "Strahd von Zarovich", because 100 is a big number and is fun when it arrives.

There's a 1.2% chance (ish) of it happening.

It was funny when it showed up on the night of day 1.

I'm rolling for the morning of day 2 and

(excuse the cat hair that clings to the dice tray)

WILL YOU FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE

MY FUCKING GOD I KNOW IREENA ISN'T IN BAROVIA RIGHT NOW BUT GET A GRIP MY GUY

(unsure if I'm going to keep this roll or not but i just... he's a lot right now)

[ro-fromthestars]

Getting haircuts as a vampire must be so annoying because the lack of reflection would mean only others can tell you if your hair looks alright

[half-a-corpse]

Pondering the purchase of a coffin, maybe then I will cease to rouse from the ceiling

[cheust]

Something that I’ve been thinking about is—

Does the myth about vampires and fae not being able to enter a house uninvited by the owner counts for people who are renting or at a hotel/airbnb?

Bc, I think it would be so funny for someone who’s renting to tell a vampire “yeah come on in” bc they hired the vampire to fix something, but the vampire can’t come in bc the human is renting and isn’t the actual owner of the house. The vampire has to get permission from the property owner just to get into the house/apartment.

And by then they aren’t even hungry anymore, too annoyed at how there’s more renters than home owners in these modern times. Back in their day they could go to a house and know for a fact that the person answering owned it, now they have to work as a maintenance manager just to get permission to enter a home and get a snack!

[custardconsumer]

Trying to lay down and slumber in my coffin with my arms crossed over my chest (the traditional vampiric pose of rest), but my fat fucking vampire tits are in the way and making my arms slide towards me so it just looks like im choking myself.

(written from a vampire’s pov, not my own ofc haha…𝓾𝓷𝓵𝓮𝓼𝓼)