#vampire stereotypes

[dracula-sticky-notes]

Genuinely sick to death of the vampires accusing me of “perpetrating stereotypes” and “making vampirism look like a joke”.

Firstly, as far as I know, it is COMMON KNOWLEDGE that vampires are not repelled by garlic BULBS, and even more common knowledge that the majority of the public DO NOT KNOW THIS. Hence, vampires are not only encouraged but EXPECTED to pretend that the non-flowering parts of garlic are equally harmful to us.

Secondly, I’m actually just allergic to garlic. There. Go on, laugh.

I can’t believe it. We need to do better as a community.

EDITOR NOTE:

Whilst this post is quite obviously a shitpost, this is a real - and dare I say quite prevalent? - issue. I do not intend to satirise or belittle it in any way. Feel free to ask for it to be taken down. IDK.

[bi77ersweet]

Dealing With Vampires pt 1. (The Things You Need to Know)

Stereotypes

First things first. Vampire stereotypes. Vampires DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT sparkle in the sunlight. They burn and crumble horribly and painfully. DO NOT try to push your vampire colleague, acquaintance, friend, or lover into the sunlight to see them glitter. Odds are they will retreat to the nearest shady spot, make their way home, then return that night to rip your head off. They consider being pushed into the sun a serious offense.

Secondly, vampires ARE NOT homicidal maniacs bent on draining the world dry or turning all humans into vampires. If you treat a vampire like this, they will get offended. And depending on which vampire you offend, reactions vary from manslaughter to cussing you out.

Vampires, like humans, have varying personalities and traits. Some live regular lives while other prefer life with a clan. Some embrace their vampiric strength and abilities and work as mercenaries and assassins. Some live as shut-ins. Some are happy, cheerful people while others are sadistic and scheming.

Abilities

Older vampires tend to be much more powerful than younger vampires as they have had longer to hone their abilities. All vampires have different strengths, but they all have generalized traits that come from their rebirth. These include:

Superhuman strength, speed, and senses

Night vision

Natural stealth (soundless footsteps and a lack of natural scent)

Sharp canines that can change at will

Encanto (The ability to hypnotize or erase the memory of a human)

Super healing

Immortality (unless staked, burned, decapitated, or their heart is cut out and burned)

Vampirism (It’s technically a virus)

Feeding

All vampires have to drink blood to sustain themselves. No one really knows why the virus chose that blood to be its sustenance, but unfortunately that’s the way it is.

Older vampires only need to feed once or twice a month, compared to fledglings who need to feed anywhere between once a day to once a week. This may be because older vampires can also eat and drink human food, which new vampires must train themselves to be able to stomach. 

A vampire does not need to drain a body to satisfy their hunger. A pint or so of blood will do the trick. Only the vampires that truly love death will fully drain a body. These types of vampires will be excluded from clans and sanctuaries as they are a threat to the secrecy of the race. Often if these types of vampires get out of control several of their own race or other supernatural races will team up to bring them down.

It also does not have to be human blood. Animal blood also works, but satisfies the hunger for a shorter period of time.

Disadvantages of Being a Vampire

Being undead comes with its drawbacks, most of them related to religion. They are listed below.

A vampire cannot set foot on holy or sacred ground

A vampire cannot touch items of their religion. (ex. Crosses or Stars of David)

Vampires are burned by holy water and sunlight

A vampire on fire will burn to death in seconds.

Vampires get sleepy during the day, but some train themselves to remain awake and alert

Next time I will go over proper courtesy, things to avoid, and how to make bargains and exchange favors with vampires.

[dorin-the-vampire]

I have been researching mortal culture on the google once more, and I have various questions. Out of curiosity, I searched up popular vampire literature (I have been curious what mortals think of vampires since I learned of the stereotype they put on my partner of being a witch)- and what in damnation is "Twilight"? I have several things to say to Stephanie Meyer regarding what she has written about vampires. Firstly, we do not glitter in the sun. The sun does not affect most vampires- the only reasons it does affect me (when I am not protected by a spell woven by my fae husband) is because of how old I am and therefore how old my skin is at 1349 years old. I am impervious to most injuries, but the sun is one of the only exceptions to that and can cause burns far worse than mortal sunburns on my body. This is also because I do not subsist myself on human or animal blood, which changes how my body heals itself. Secondly, it is not considered "vegetarian" to drink blood from animals, as they are still conscious living beings. The only truly "vegetarian" vampires are ones like myself who survive on substitutions, created by talented herbalists (such as my partner, Riven). Thirdly, most vampires are not feral creatures when exposed to blood. Unless they have gone completely mentally insane, they have the capability to control themselves around blood. It is like how you mortals are capable of choosing whether or not to eat something. It might be tempting, but you ultimately have the self control to decide whether or not you eat the food. Finally, vampires do not have a rivalry with wolf-shifters. Given, this book was written while there was a war going on between vampires and shape-shifters (of all forms, not just wolf-shifters), but that has been long since resolved and it was not explicitly targeting wolf-shifters. Also, shape-shifters of all kinds do not "imprint" on someone. They choose their own mates. That is all. Farewell, mortals of Tumblr. Until next we meet.

[therealevilfuckingvampire]

I hate the stereotype that every vampire drinks blood this isn't true and a lot of us are on the pomegranate diet

[marcilla-karfunkelstein]

Mal hatte ich auch rote Haare…

Um ganz ehrlich zu sein, kommt mir dieser Look heutzutage ein wenig stereotypisch vor. Trotzdem sieht das Ensemble unvergleichbar besser aus als die ganzen Korsette und Korsagen, die die Möchtegern-Vampire alle tragen.

(EN: I also had red hair once… To be perfectly honest, this look seems a bit stereotypical these days. Still, the ensemble looks incomparably better than all the corsets and corsets the wannabe vampires wear.)

[lostinsantacarla]

Hey boys whats your least favorite vampire Stereotype

“Uh, does it have to be vampire related or can it be like me personally?” Paul asked. “Cuz, I swear if I gotta hear about garlic one more time, I’m gonna sit out in public one night and eat as much as I can, before I puke. Oh, that and I don’t have sex with every pussy I see, okay. Enough said.”

Marko was about to lose the shot of Tequila he had just downed or tried to, just as Paul had his outburst. He held the back of his hand over his mouth and leaned forward as if the tiny shot glass would take back the liquor on it’s own. Then he swallowed. “That’s some funny ass’d shit right there. I know I’d have bets going. How much garlic can the dumb ass eat? But uh, I dunno. It’s either too much monster or not enough. That’s what gets me.”

“A vampire stereotype huh?” Dwayne thought about it. It wasn’t something he had really thought about much before. “I guess thinking we can’t live without a head vampire would be mine.”

“The myth that says we’ll stop to count every god damn bead spilled from a jar. What do they call that? Obsessive, compulsive? Do I look like I would give a fuck about anything that spilled in my path?” David asked. “Unless it’s red and runs like a river, I wouldn’t bother.”