Shit i learned after dating vanilla for two years. Basics.
- If you are flexible with your demands, it will be understood for the man that he does not need to keep up with them as well. Create consequences, do not excuse them. If they truly want to do better for you, they will DO IT.
- Men can be more aware of our feelings and how they work than ourselves, and they WILL use it against us if it is beneficial to them. This because us women tend to "try to see the positive" and turn our heads away from their bullshit.
Until it is too much and we blow up.
Then we will cry and the man will know how to say things to create impact and hope; and then procceed to "get better" for some time until you let your guard down again, it is false improvement. The pattern repeats. They know that you are sensitive, that you care about them, and that you will be compassionate and put your own feelings aside. They do not care.
Do no harm but take no bullshit. You are not their mom, stop dealing with a man whose demands are.. a child's, and then expecting him to behave like a man.
-Men are men and boys are boys. This cannot be changed.
-Play dumb and find things on your own. If you ask they will not only lie but they will try to make you feel guilty for noticing weird behavior. A waste of time and energy. If you play dumb they will let things slip off easily.
-If they are trying to make you feel guilty by acting like you are right and they are bad, bad monsters; tell them they are right, and keep up with it.
You can watch them become more and more defensive about it as it happens, their ego cannot stand that bullshit they try to pull off for quite the time. This will help you to feel less guilty when dumping them if you truly felt something for them.
-Do not give yourself to a man that will not do something beneficial for you unless it is also directly beneficial for him. Specially if you are in a vanilla relationship.
Always think about yourself before thinking about anyone else, because most of the people will do the same.
