Two cycling stories that I never imagined would happen to me, but did anyway
Bike to the market. Buy a baguette that does not fit in the Vélo'v basket. Remain ever so fearful that you would not have your daily baguette* that day, especially because it's now 1:45pm on Sunday and you will not see an open grocery store anymore that day. Stop bicycle in the middle of the sidewalk; take a bite out of your baguette* because, you know, it's going to fall otherwise! Get very judgmental looks from a tiny old couple holding hands and dressed to the nines, probably coming back from church, who say something about les jeunes. Bike a little more, then realize that maybe you should eat a little bit more of that baguette because it was pretty good - and who knows, just for safety! Stop again a block later and take a huge bite. It's so warm and you should probably eat a bit more for the road. Bike home with only half a baguette left; wonder where your dignity and self-control have gone.
2. Another Sunday afternoon:
After turning a corner, notice an old man honking incessantly at you. Think silently about how a) men can be such pigs and b) drivers are ruining everything. Become startled as you notice that the old man's car has now pulled up closer to you, and he is rolling down his windows. Realize that this old man is neither a pig nor a self-entitled driver, but rather a kind soul who is yelling "Mademoiselle! Votre portable!" Notice that your cell phone has, indeed, fallen out of your jacket pocket, because you forgot to zip it up.
There it lies on the road, just as the light changes and cars are rushing in. Suddenly you find yourself yelling at the car coming directly towards your cell phone, "Noooo!" At this moment, an embarrassingly millennial thought passes through your head: ALL MY PHOTOS FROM PARIS! I FORGOT TO BACK THEM UP! You will hate yourself a little bit for thinking that 10 minutes later. See the driver of the other car slow down in utter confusion, notice the cell phone, and swerve just a tiny bit, which saves your phone from total destruction and only gives it a tiny scratch on the side. Thank the old man profusely; realize that not all men in cars are your enemies, and remind yourself to really zip up your jacket pocket next time.
*Buying a baguette as a person living on your own is a serious commitment. Because it becomes an inedible rock in about 6 hours, it is your duty to eat the whole thing within the specified timeframe. This can lead to a lose-lose situation, where you either a) fall into a carbs and gluten coma, or b) feel guilty that you are again wasting food and making your grandmother angry in her grave - she always told you that all your leftover food will go into a hell bucket** that you will be forced to eat before you face God for judgment. The lesson here, I think, is that you should make friends with whom you can share baguettes.
**Sometimes grandmothers will employ serious tactics to get a picky and ungrateful child to eat something, anything.