Some new (color-coded as a guide for different sections for people tagged under the cut in same color) important stuff for current followers, friends, and additionally people I follow/interact (general info is in purple font) TW: Extremely exstensive and detailed and probably the most longest excruciating post iv ever made, you have been warned
(for tagging context, see all texts in pink font before you read anything if only I follow you (one-sided or not) and have been tagged)
(Additionally, in blue font under the cut is a pretty lengthy section that elaborates on my current mental health, physical health, and wellbeing as well as sharing some (not all) details about my trauma, past experiences, and other factors that generally may help to understand me and the way the factors contribute to my current struggles with socialization due to the strong impacts and situations that i experienced up in till now and kind of imply how interaction with me as current friends, someone you are considering to follow, or considering to establish a friendship if desired may be impacted and maybe kind of give an update and idea of how you should approach me or indicate things to me should we ever interact at some point. This portion is completely optional and up to you if you want to read it your own risk, in red/orange is a trigger warning for the topics discussed and 2 different precautionary content disclaimers in green beforehand so you are aware of what's to come)
(for the people I tagged that I'm following, i myself interact with, or have some form of interaction with me for the most part when i make posts (like mondo and kiyotaka content) you're welcome to read the mouthful of info below and under the cut that's mostly directed to the people who already follow me (but can also apply to new people too), but the main reason for being tagged on this particular post if you don't know why you were even tagged in the first place is better explained under the row of star emoji's in pink font under the cut)
Here's a poll, it's just to let me know if you have read the important parts that was meant for you to read and/or if anybody had additionally chose to read the optional info in the blue texts) or if anybody not tagged has read anything. The tags are organized by color coded tags, read/unread sections, and untagged viewer options:
Did you read the info?
Tagged (purple)/Untagged: Yes, (Read Purple & (OPTIONAL Blue Text)
Tagged (pink)/Untagged: Yes, (Read Pink & (OPTIONAL Blue Text)
Tagged (purple)/Untagged: Yes, (Read Purple, No (OPTIONAL Blue Text)
Tagged (pink)/Untagged: (Read Pink, No (OPTIONAL Blue Text)
Tagged/Untagged: No (just saw the post)
Tagged/Untagged: Yes, (Read the entire thing) pls rest ur eyes
I choose not to read/choose to ignore post (not mad, its up to you)
I will read the post later or at some point
Neutral/Undecided on reading or not
Voting ended onSep 20, 2025
General info
My new name is Barnaby (since my sister keeps insisting on changing all my profile names to that for fun) but the option to call me rex or velv is still allowed if you want (I'll keep using velv for my tags anyways)
2. I opened the submission queue so hopefully you can be able to submit posts into my queue for fun if you want since my asks are somewhat being an issue.
3. More on the issue with asks, commenting, chats, and other stuff (under the cut bc it's a mouthful of information):
Tumblr most likely will never fix it, as far as chats go you may contact me on my other socials that i will add to my pinned post or on my discord
as far as the asks go, try to use the submissions queue if it works, otherwise try to send an ask or tag me on something in the meantime until i can get a strawpage or something up and working (maybe code myself a little website with an archive and other fancy stuff?)
Im not sure how I will send asks bc even if anon, nobody seems to be receiving it...so maybe i'll try to make a private post (if possible) or something and tag you in it if i need to (if anybody knows what i can do feel free to tell me, im open to suggestions)
Aside from that, if I have permission to tag you for ask-ish posts if i am able to please type a "🍄" or if not "🥚" into the comments (idk why i chose those emojis, but they were in my recents)
With comments, id rather you reblog my post and say what you want to say so that way i can respond to you
And maybe i'll log out of this account and create a brand new account with a backup-backup blog in case this one also gets messed up
The whole reason everythings messed up is bc my main is messed up
4. My mental health is not the best at the moment so I apologize in advance if i accidentally bother you or or upset you in some way /gen. I also want to stress that the main reason i tend to ramble a lot to you or try to talk is bc i dont really have any friends to really talk to irl that arent online friends. I struggle a lot to socialize and it can be very difficult for me to be aware and pick up something being hinted or implied (unless pointed out). Should you be annoyed or bothered, PLEASE, TELL ME (Kindly) otherwise I wont notice (especially if something i say may be rude (when I'm trying to be srs or trying to advocate for something), i promise you i don't intentionally mean for it to come off that way, i never know why it ends up being rude). Or if i accidentally overstep a boundary /gen/srs
5. You dont have to tell me youre going to block me, but in my case please try to talk to me about what i did that made you upset, so i can atleast apologize and try to understand what i did wrong so i can improve in the future (and then you can block me if you really want to, its your decision and i will respect that /gen)
Thank you for bearing with me (I'm gonna tag every moot and follower on both accounts so that this post especially is seen. This might replace the pinned post for future people to see but i will remove the tags on the pinned post variant with more info too but under a cut)
Additional info + tagging
Currently long-term best Friend tags:
(people who follow me and i follow and have been friends for long on tumblr or other platforms off tumblr (about 3-5 months to 1 year+) that know this account and are tagged frequently when there's an update (temporarily for bio info, but constant if any serious or other important misc updates that are necessary for you to see otherwise won't be tagged):
Main account follower/moot (otherwise friendish-figure) tags:
(not everybody, but for the most are somewhat considered friends in a way since we've interacted with and somewhat know about each other to a degree for at least a few weeks to a few months in the past and don't know about this side-account (at least from what I know):
(we don't know each other much (or we might at some point if you're fine with that) but you follow my side-blog and not the main blog (don't follow the main though, it's messed up and tumblr likely isn't going to fix it):
@mononaq @squidqueenuwu @putridgrass101
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additional tags + amazing and cool people I follow and interact with (one-sided):
(on some level you may have known my main blog (or not) before (and possibly interacted with it and may still see it every now and then in your activity when I interact with you (idk if its possible to make this one the main, but ignore the @/kal31doskull notifs bc its still me but I don't really want to associate with that blog anymore bc of a lot of bad things and past connections to a community i no longer wish to associate with due to toxicity and drama) aside from relogging your posts to my current blog that's serving as a current backup (will be making an additional back up account logged off of this one incase something happens to this one), but you may also have interacted with this blog (or not) unless only I have done so with you:
(Optional for anyone tagged/untagged to read AT YOUR RISK (3 advisory warnings are provided beforehand as a precaution before you read the info) More very lengthy info about me (but very important if you wish to be friends or talk to me):
!!!FOR WELLBEING & READER MENTAL HEALTH CONCERN PLEASE READ THE CONTENT TOPIC/MENTIONS TW FOR THE MAIN PORTION OF INFORMATION AND BOTH OF THE DISCLAIMERS FOR CONTENT READING ADVISORY OF THE INFO AND MORAL STANDING/OPINION AND SERIOUSNESS AND GENUINITEY OF MY MENTAL AND PHYSICAL HEALTH ISSUES/EXPERIENCES BEFORE PROCEEDING IF YOU WANT TO READ THE OPTIONAL BIO INFO!!!
TW: serious topics, mention of ostracization, mentions of prejudicial treatment of status/financial standing, very lengthy, peer-pressure, conformity prejudice, inferiority, depression, fat shaming, disorders/disabilities mentioned, Deep topics, trauma, mentions of mental health and physical health, mention and elaborated discussion of emotional trauma, discussion about bullying/emotional abuse, very strong emotions, strong vent-ish language, negative topics, ranting, possibility of inducing strong emotional responses or anxiety, derogatory ableist comments/treatment (censored and extra censored but implied), personal to a degree, with implications or some details not mentioned/simplified for personal reasons and comfort, manipulation, betrayal, trust issues.
CAUTIONARY CONTENT ADVISORY AND WELLBEING DISCLAIMER: Above all, I am doing ok and I am safe as I am writing this. The information touches on past experiences as well as how it currently impacts me but also a bit more elaborated and detailed in some areas for better understanding in limited depth (especially bc of mental and physical health being affected a lot by it). Please be considerate, respectful, and open-minded with the information shared, please take it serious and don't make light of it (its also not meant to be used as something to justify anything despite being a contribution to how I act, either way I will still be accountable for any actions regardless /srs/gen). If you are in a bad, unsafe/unstable mental health space or environment, suffer from PTSD, attempt to relate prone to s3lf h4rmfvl behaviors and thoughts, emotionally sensitive, in the process of healing/coping, distressed, in grief, or easily impacted (anxious, uncomfortable, or triggered) by the overconsumption/processing the extensive intake of exhaustingly detailed, complex, lengthy, and strong, sensitive, depressive, or heavy/deep topics I advise for your own safety and wellbeing not to read the bio info (remember it's optional, not forced, and completely up to you to read it if you really want to know as long as you are in a safe and protected environment or mental/physical space that makes it ok for you to read without discomfort). PLEASE DO NOT FORCE YOURSELF OR ATTEMPT TO READ IF YOU ARE IN ILL CONDITION TO DO SO!!! (and please stay safe and get well soon, and I hope you have good luck with healing and that everything will get better for you. /gen/srs)
DIAGNOSES + MORAL STANDING DISCLAIMER: Every condition mentioned in regards to my mental/physical health are currently true as well as the struggles I deal with and they are medically diagnosed by an appropriate professional with expertise in the field, proper education, and with the medical authority and professional practice to grant them the medical ability to ethically provide a diagnosis for it. My mentioned conditions are also being professionally treated through referrals, programs, and consultation by appropriate professionals and care providers with knowledgeable medical experience and aided with the appropriate supports and accommodations discussed, insured, planned and underway too. (Morally standing as someone with actual diagnosed conditions and disabilities, I am a strong advocate for proper appropriate, respectful, empathetic, equitable, accessible, fair, educated, and appropriate functioning supports that meets the necessary needs of people who actually struggle with mental, intellectual, and physical disability/impairments and/or chronic illnesses and disorders that require different aids and accommodations or treatments to help them. I also believe that they should also have more freedoms, better treatment, better representation, more acknowledgement, more patience, kindness, comfort, consideration, compassion, and improved programs, laws, and services that allows for them to have better protection especially when it comes to some who suffer from abuse/mistreatment, suffer from financial issues, or are even denied something that is very necessary for them in life
in regards to socialization, communication, and limitations that have very strong and very harsh impacts on both my life as a whole, my mental and physical health and wellbeing, and inability to properly create and maintain friendships (or platonic/romantic relationships) with people in general from different factors (behavior, empathy, sensitivity, literal nature, immaturity, clingy-ish nature, attention span, non-existent filter, and often instances of misperception) that are more extreme in impact with irl socialization rather than online (though still present but more or less complicated bc im behind a screen and i write/type better than with talking) but for awareness and better understanding of my mannerisms and logic should anybody remain in contact or attempt to interact with me, I feel that they should be more elaborated on and made known for both present and future reference hoping that it can help.
Something that generally should be seriously and open-mindedly considered before being friends (if desired), following, or already as a friend both when and before you interact with me i have autism spectrum disorder, ADD, social anxiety disorder, prone to having bad panic attacks if i get too nervous or mess things up, emotional trauma, and mild depression which altogether (not excusable for any actions) make things very challenging when it comes to socialization and life skills, as well as creating a barrier between me understanding boundaries, basic fuctions, and missing or mispercieving social cues as literal or harsh. When i make mistakes, especially with friendships and i don't pick upon what happened until pointed out last minute i feel a ton of pain, anxiety and self loathing.
When attemping to make a new friend or even try to just say hi, I get a bit scared that they really don't like me or want anything to do with me bc of my cringy personality/stuff and whatnot like many others in my life online and irl have (even in the past taking advantage of how my autism other difficulties contributes to my intense long-term struggles with communication and socialization (like being too literal or not getting a joke, too emotionally sensitive (part of it being from emotional trauma from my "dad' and many years of serious bullying (a few times ending in getting punched, kicked, my hair pulled, or non consensual touching (i.e. rubbing my shoulder, petting me or my head, poking, groping, pressing, jumping on me or piggybacking my back when im off guard..but nothing beyond any of the stuff mentioned and a few times being verbal through threats of wanting to hurt me or insisting on me participating in a fight (which I always reject bc I feared getting in trouble even for self-defense), blackmailing me into doing their work otherwise being forced to do group assignments all on my own (knowing that i have some intellect) whilst they goof off and fool around, nasty comments about my weight and appearance (bc of obesity), rumours, being called "s10w", "Sp3d", "r-slur", "stvp1d", "1d10t", etc. even calling my entire family weird especially because I have an uncle with both severe level autism and down syndrome whos somewhat non-verbal and has a lot of supports and other abelist remarks aimed towards my autism and the way it contributes to my logic, morals, and behaviors i exhibit thats harder for me to control (im getting more supports and a peer support professional to help me out in public and with important decisions and situations in which I struggle a lot to communicate my needs and possible guardianship under my mom (mostly to help witb appointment scheduling, legal stuff, financial stuff, and anything in that area.) from the first day of my pre-school year and till the very last year of 7th grade in public school and even online still leaving a mark and happening).
My issues just continue to get worse overtime and makes feel more inferior to everyone because some tend to ostracize me because im broke and physically 18 but mentally immature and super awkward, often feeling like im not wanted. Ive more recently struggled more with my identity so badly from all the pain so much that i dont know who i really am anymore, battling the temptation to try and be like all the other 18 y/os with all the freedom and independence and romantic relationships that is constantly shoved into my face everyday, i cant help but feel envious and the wanting to isolate remain anon altgoether
Online, especially because on the main blog which I'm really trying to disassociate from and start fresh after all the things that's been going in my life some things i made or done on that blog brings a ton of embarrassment, guilt, regret, and shame feeling like its only time until i push someone else away because i get too annoyingly clingy or ramble too much and unintentionally irritate someone when i try to vent bc its the only form of comfort that helps me to cope when im upset (its really hard not trying to changing myself for others because its tempting and wish I could fit in and do normal things like everyone else my age, but generally im just trying harder to be more open about my interests, my ideas and thoughts, and even trying to discover who i really am.
More recently my physical health is not so good to. I have an unknown but very problematic digestive issue impacting my ability to eat without vomitting and bad acid reflux and worse, a very bad sleep issue, chronicly tired, obesity, asthma, being very forgetful, topped off with a diagnosis of Hashimotos disease also causing so many other problems and concern from my family (i have a younger cousin who has it, and an aunt who has it to but recently got cancer in her thyroid from it after so long). Im doing my best to get treatment, especially for the hashimotos but unfortunatley its being delayed for months bc the clinic is far far away and the sister clinic here for some reason claiming about some policy even though they accept my insurance and the supervisor of the intial clinic said that its the first time they ever heard of the non-existent policy the receptionist rudely with a very bad and nasty attitude scolded me about denying me closer access to a treatment i desperatley need because it can get worse and imight end up like my aunt if left untreated.
with all that, i have college, trying to have patienc on my sister who i love but has very irritable and exhausting sass and agression from ODD, my mom being sick too, my dad being the jerk he is, and preparing for my uncle to die when the time comes becayse he has very progressive dementia and parkinsons and he doesnt have much longer to live, so we're trying to make the best his time while hes here with us helping him and making him happy before he departs along with my grandma (she left in 3rd grade under the care of my mom and i, here in her hospice bed with my mom right by her side as soon i came home from school to see her not prepared or aware that would be the last time i would see her. Whilst my dad just left her and never was there because he was occupied with his own selfish things rather than being with and caring for his struggling and grieving family even before she got very sick and similary not caring about my uncle, just wanting the ability come so the spotlight shines on him. 11+ years of pain and struggles for us all bc of him still having a very heavy impact, yet he thinks we can just easily forgive ELEVEN PLUS years of painful betrayal, lies, manipulation, and vigilante behaviour as if it was very little and like an angel trying to worm back into our lives and do what he was supposed to 11 years ago now that he has nothing better to do. Now, he tries to gaslight us and my mom for beung the reason hes suffering where he is (even though he literally and willingly so many times put himself there and a lot of people tried to help him but that meant nothing to him) refusing to take a grain of accountability for his actions instead whining and giving us the silent treatment like a manchild because we hurt his feelings amd hes miserable and its our fault) and in the near future my grandpa will be the next to depart much soon also claimed by parkinsons, dementia, and alzheimers disease.
Hopefully, you've learned a little more about my issues and now have more understanding about my past experiences as well as and idea of my boundaries or what to consider when we communicate for more awareness and better precaution of how we can better establish a more cautious but beneficial, healthy (you can also vent ur issues to me too anytime no problem as long as you feel comfortable and not forced, i like talking and i also like trying to help understand and find a way to heal) and better approached so it works for us both and neither of us accidentally overstep or unintentionally cause a conflict. But most importantl why so many issues combined make things harder for me to communicate and socialize from heavy impact leaving permanent scarring and issues of trust and complications when their constantly weighing me down like heavy chains with more being added and weighing heavier on my back every minute as burdens i feel cursed and constantly drained and pulled deep into the cold bitter depths of pain, loss, and cruel reality since the begining of my youth and forever to be drained into the lowest view of self worth and esteem, forced to constantly soak up that i shouldnstay in my place as inferior to everyone else because its my doomed destiny and unfortunate hierarchal standing in this rapidly growing norm and toxic-conforming pandemic plaguing society of discord, anarchy, and cancel culture becoming the grim reaper claiming the lives of many youth and old making their lives more difficult and far worse in pain, loss, and undeserved tragedy nobody should ever have to go through nor deserves.
