#vent thing

[sinonymous-story-ideas]

“i am nonbinary,” i say

“you’ll never be a real man!”

“that’s okay,” i reply

“you’ll never be a real woman!”

“this is not news,” i reply

i am upset about something.

“must be on her period.” i am jeered at

i am upset about something

“god, just man up!” i am belittled

i am upset about something.

“you’re a monster!”

i am upset about something.

“if i am a monster, then i am still kinder than you,” i reply.

i am upset about something.

but nothing is ‘worth’ getting upset over.

i am still upset about something.

but my frustration doesn’t matter.

i am still upset about my circumstances.

but i am a threat for complaining.

i am upset

i am upset

i

am

upset

and it will never. be. enough

[apricotly]

strict parents + social anxiety + probably some sort of neurodivergence = missing out on essential teenager experiences and feeling genuine loathing for yourself and everything about you

age 18 havent dated anyone or had my first kiss or got drunk or high or snuck out of the house or developed a real personality or discovered what i really want to do in life i feel so behind in every way

like i own barely any makeup and i dont even rly know how to use it because i never had the practice. half my clothes used to be my moms or just are things that she picked for me that i don't really like but i could never tell her

i dont have any hobbies or real interests or anything particularly unique about myself, i feel like im a poser in everything I do

and i get compared a lot to my brother who's so independent and strong (he was allowed to go across the city daily for classes on his own scooter 11th and 12th, bunked half his classes to smoke with his loser friends and then got into a really good college bc he's genuinely so talented and such an incredible artist) and has so many life experiences already. but. he got the opportunity to have those life experiences. im not allowed to go for a walk in my own apartment after 8pm alone ive lived here almost my entire life. i got parental controls off my phone in january of this year. my parents still monitor my email and have my phone password.

and obviously i get that i dont seem independent to them so they find it hard to trust me with this stuff. but i also cant show them im independent if i dont get that chance. and i cant bring it up to them because it just doesnt work. its never worked. i hate it. ive been trying to figure out exactly who i am. thats why i want to journal more and do more creative things, i want to figure who i am because ive been on autopilot almost my entire life and it just clicks every nkw and then that I'm eighteen and i dont want to waste my life like this. that isnt who i am. so im spending less time scrolling on Twitter and reading stupid shit. more time on pinterest just figuring out what i like in terms of style and aesthetic etc. reading books and listening to new music. thats what i wanna try. idk this was prob very incoherent i have an exam tmr

[simon-says44]

My body is often in a lot of physical pain and/or discomfort. Everyone is too loud, everything is too bright, too hard it stresses me out. My legs (knees, heels, feet) hurt all the time just from simply standing it feels horrible. Trying to walk up stairs burns from the mid thigh and down. Mostly in my knees. And I get out of breath and dizzy all of the time. My stomach hurts often too I dont like it. My hair is falling out.. everything is always too bright and hurts to keep my eyes open. I cannot focus, I cannot do anything... then I try to function around people and everyday I mess something up and it is so frustrating, it makes me want to run away and distance from everyone. People are too hard to please and I can never be pleased. I cannot stand being in school or in public it is so bad I cannot get myself to do my work. I feel lazy, I feel stupid, I feel like im crazy and losing my mind. But I also feel like a fake. A fraud. I cannot do this

[voreprince]

Vent ramble thingy (feeling better rn though)

(Sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense, just spilling stuff out)

So, earlier today a random memory popped into my head, someone far older than I am who I used to rp weird fetish stuff with. I haven't talked to them in years (thank god), but I just remembered them for no reason. I mentioned this stuff in a vent before, but around the time I was roleplaying with them on deviantart (already a bad sign-) I was around 11-13, and these roleplays would contain vore...but also the more..to put it lightly, 'inappropriate' versions of it, as well as some other NSFW stuff. I don't think they knew my age, but still. Just randomly thinking about it today made me feel so anxious, disturbed and uneasy...there was another person I did these kinds of rps with in 2018, when I was only 11. It just sickens me how much I would engage in this kind of stuff at such a young age, and I knew it was weird at the time then too cause I would hide it from my parents...but it is interesting to see how vore has become an odd comfort for me now

[meatgrinderboy]

You Ok?

Honestly? No, im still thinking about someone

Well... They become problematic, I feel so disgusted by it that I don't feel like drawing anymore

I think i'll be ok

[luwulybear]

I wish i was cool as them . The independence and ability to not waste their time and just focus on what they love. I've always felt like I can't do anything like i always need someone to hold my hand I want to change that i want to cultivate my own independence and go on adventures by myself without being murdered in cold blood

[persephirothh]

I'm unlovable I think