i hate npd bc why is abunch of hate comments directed mainly at me still bothering me hours later and i feel like i cant function for shit bc its so open and im so vulnerable

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i hate npd bc why is abunch of hate comments directed mainly at me still bothering me hours later and i feel like i cant function for shit bc its so open and im so vulnerable
mfw i have really bad false memory ocd but i cannot be like "well i know it didn't happen and it probably didnt happen" because i have bad dissociative amnesia and cant internally fact check bc what if it happened and i cant remember
when i find smth i said that i heavily do not agree w anymore and my entire mood does a 180 and now im looping back to re experiencing shame and guilt
i need more arackastor / radiomafia / bitterdoe in this economy im so srs
i think im the only person on this earth that believes arackniss isnt homophobic both while living & in death, i do feel he supported angel dust all the way in his queerness and didnt care & his hatred for angel is for the many other reasons
this arackniss fixation shit gets srs im OUT! (i do not have this amount of money but a girl can dream)
i hate having ocd GRAHHHHHHHHHH WHY WONT THE THOUGHTS STOP IM IN HELL
nobody gets pips lesbian yearning like i do