#weird brain

[ometochtli2rabbit]

[amane-amame]

I feel like I am one of junji ito's hanging balloon heads

[grimreaperman]

hollow // tip me

[findingmelissa]

I was having a conversation with a good friend this week in which she was telling me that she is highly sensitive to noise and stimulation in the mornings. And it got us talking in general about being sensitive...

So, I had this memory of being about 14 and being at a group sleepover and acting sooooo cranky the next morning. Like, I was downright snippy to my friend's parents, not to mention all the other girls there.

I have quite a few memories like that from when I was young. Being mean and irritable and impatient with my peers or teachers or other parents. And all my life I've always just thought well, I'm an asshole, I am terrible, I am mean. Not a productive way to think about myself.

But in reflecting on this with my friend, a couple of things occurred to me: 1) my parents taught me no emotional regulation and I have to realize that was a big contributing factor in my behavior; and 2) I think I may be somewhere on the spectrum, undiagnosed, I have thought this for a couple of years now, and the more I look back on things like that, the more it would make a whole damn lot of sense.

And this is just one example. But honestly, it would make a lot of things make sense. The way that the world assaults my brain sometimes, when something doesn't "hit my brain right" and I feel like someone is scraping out the inside of my head, or the offending noise or words go on repeat in my mind like a needle in a record groove that I can't get unstuck. It's awful.

So maybe I wasn't a jerk. Maybe I am not a jerk now. :| Wouldn't that be something? If I could stop thinking I am a fundamentally mean and irritable and horrible person and instead accept that I am just frequently overstimulated and have never been taught the tools to cope?

[crestaldorf]

On today’s episode of Neurodivergence I will start by singing a single line from cotton eyed joe in increasingly disturbing voices and end with an oddly passionate lecture on the evolution of stylistic British literature- reverse engineering it from Gaiman and Pratchett to Wilde. No one will ask for or in any way prompt any of this.

[in-the-cannibal-glow]

At some point earlier this morning I half awoke from my hydroxyzine coma and forced my limbs to function so I could groggily write down this sentence I had come up with that I believed was too clever to be forgotten.

I didn’t remember any of this until I opened my phone again a couple hours later when I was fully awake and out of bed.

[blackrosesandwhump]

Random weird whumpy thought because my brain's all over the place at the moment:

A human gets buried alive in a coffin. The problem is, there's already a vampire sleeping in the coffin. What happens next?

[rosered-schneeweisschens-sis]

“Indeed, the more you study dysfunctional behaviors, the more convinced you become that most of us have weird brains, and those who appear not to just haven’t exposed their own brains to the kinds of stress, relatives, or Japanese animation that will reveal their mental dysfunction.”

— Michael I. Bennett MD and Sarah Bennett, F*ck Feelings

as an anime lover I think I should be feeling attacked, why did I burst out laughing instead?