Ilya has always wanted to have kids, he loves kids! He loved his niece and he loves the like kids.
At the same time he doesnât want kids, he doesnât want them to get his sadness, he doesnât want them to get his anger, he doesnât want them to get his stubbornness, his violence, his darkness.
So when Shane asks about it he tells him no, because he doesnât want to bring a child into this world when thereâs the possibility that he could turn out like his father, when thereâs the possibility that he turns out like his mother.
He loves kids he just doesnât want his own in fear that heâll fuck them up. He doesnât want to bring them into a world that is designed to break them down.
He doesnât tell Shane the reason or why he says no. Shane can tell thereâs more to it than Ilya is willing to talk about but then his cousin dies leaving a daughter behind
Sheâs young and has no other family that can take her in. Her grandparents are too old and his parents are also too old for a 2 year old. So Shane sits Ilya down and explains that she has no one.
Ilya agrees almost immediately because thatâs a child thatâs Shaneâs family, his family he canât let her go into the system.
As time goes on they learn how to be parents and Ilya starts to that he wonât be like his father because that HIS daughter and heâd never treat her the way his father treated him. And he may still have bad days but he does not want to die he is better.
So one day he sits Shane down and asks if Iâm the future when they are both ready and retired maybe they could have another kid. Shane is of course over the fucking moon.
Heâs been dreaming of kids with Ilyas curls and his freckles since he was 18.