#whoo boy

[toriicat]

Happy Valentine's Day from our favorite jesters! o7

Hug em, kiss em, blow them up, they're all forms of affection for the goofballs

[reallllllyyydizzy]

Told You So AU, Fallin' For Pollen, Part One?

(Warning: uh... cuddle pollen? Might be sex pollen? First time writing something romance-y for a Reader, so I hope it's good. If you want a part two, I can try my hand at that)

Sighing, you tap your fingers against the counter, breathing in the smell of pumpkin spice and cinnamon sugar as sunlight slowly inches across the floor. The whistel of the tea kettle and warm scent of baking muffins is a balm to the cold Autumn air outside. Shuffling around, you busy your hands by setting everything up for the day.

Warren watches you, grinning, smoothing back his hair and helping set up cups.

"So, how's it going with your new friends, kiddo?"

You shoot him a flat stare.

"Warren. We aren't friends."

"Oh, pssshah! Sure you are! They like you, you tolerate their existence, and let's face it, you need buddies who won't ditch you all the time when something else pops up."

Way to rub it in, Warren.

"You and Ron are friends," you say evenly.

He snorts.

"Reader. Kid. We are old enough to be your dads. You need friends your age! And come on, certainly some of them catch your little eye!"

Your eye twitches.

"Warren..."

"I'm just saying! You need good friends, people who appreciate you for you!"

"They come here for coffee, Warren. They're magic. Believe me, they have better things to do."

"Hm... if you say so~"

He trots over to pour himself a cup of tea, passing by Ron to give him a kiss on the cheek. As they share a sweet moment, you turn away, covering your eyes.

"Get a room!"

"We're in one, kid!"

*********************************

Stomach growling, you finish sprinkling the powdered cinnamon on top of the white cream, handing the cup off to an eager customer.

"Thank you so much!"

"No problem," you tell them, smiling tiredly. Popping your back, you drink in the hazy calm of the quiet morning.

The bell chimes.

"Good morning favorite human!"

"Hey Reader, what's up~?"

"Hello, eldest human Reader!"

"Ooo, what's that smell~? It's sweet~ is that spice~?!"

"What's with the leaves falling off the trees? IS THE WORLD DYING?!"

"Hi."

Well, it was nice while it lasted.

Pinching the bridge of your nose, you watch as the group of familiar yokai makes its way over, loud and curious as they start to speak.

"What's with all the orange stuff?"

"They call those pumpkins; you eat them, and carve them for Halloween; they also make great pie."

"Ooo, can O try a pumpkin spice thing~? Seriously, I gotta get in on this~!"

"That'll be five dollars and forty-nine cents."

"Why do you eat spice? Is it to build pain tolerance? Does it aid in your survival or intimidation?"

"It makes food taste good; there's also seasonings and toppings."

"Duly noted."

As you start to make the group their cups, you can hear them hushing, murmuring as you turn your back to use the blender. The fresh smell of coffee grounds you, mixing with allspice as you turn the blender on. It drowns out the noise, leaving nothing but calm, soothing noises of whirring, slushing coffee.

Grabbing the can of whip cream, you work carefully, making an artful dollop on top before adding a small dusting of spice.

The moment you turn around, all six are grinning, completely quiet, and nervously accepting their cups. The moment they take a sip, you can see the stars in their eyes.

"What is this ambrosia of the gods~!?"

"It makes my mouth burn!"

"It's sweet... and it stings... it's like a fight of flavors!"

The six happily slurp at the coffee, leaving you with momentary silence. Picking up your rag, you start to clean up any small spills, working your way from the coffee station to the tables.

It is nice to soak in the sleepy haze, almost soothing. It brings back memories, good and bad, of Autumns past.

"H-hey, um, Reader? Thanks. So, um, we were wondering... do you, do you happen to have any plans? Like, later?"

You look up to see the skull-faced yokai, nervous as he talks. You blink, before going back to work.

"Is... is that a no?"

Sighing, you set your rag aside before looking up. The taller yokai fiddles with his hands.

"I don't have plans. Ever," you grumble.

"What they mean to say is, of course they'll go! You crazy kids go have fun after Reader's shift!"

"RON!" you shout, loud enough that several patrons clutch their ears. You shoot thr man a look, who simply waves and shoots you a thumbs up.

Oh that hippo-loving magician is getting it next Wednesday at poker!

"Good luck darling~! You need friends~!"

Aaand way to let the whole cafe know, Ron.

Fuming, you go back to work, taking in one more enraged breath before cooling your emotions. Bottle it up, put on the mask, don't let your emotions get the better of you.

Except the yokai is watching you with wide eyes, as though he just saw catnip.

"You are so loud... your anger is loud enough to rattle the walls..."

That's embarrassing to have him notice.

"I don't like to blow up at others. Now go on, I've got work to do," you say tersely. He nods, serious, and makes his way back over to his group, who all wave at you as you thunder past.

"See you at two, Reader!"

**************************************

Running as fast as you can, you dodge a shooting tendril, barely avoiding the sticky appendage as people scream in terror. Your knuckles are fisted, eyes blazing with fear as you watch the giant mutant plant consume the road.

Tendrils create thick mazes, glowing with lines of pulsating magic as buds form across them, smelling sickly sweet. You cover your face, trying to breath as shallowly as possible, ducking under a car to avoid a vine smashing through the window of the closest shop.

The screams have died down...

But that somehow feels worse.

Shuddering, you carefully peek out from underneath the vehicle, before dragging yourself out. Wiping away the dust and dirt, you notice the giant tagged canopy above you. Vines twine and pulse all around, hiding everything from sight in a labyrinth of coiling green. Flowers bloom, their insides glowing and lighting up the dark with small burst of light.

Your whole body shakes, shivering, despite the humidity inside.

You need to find a way out.

And...

Hopefully...

Not get eaten by a plant or zombies or something while trapped.

Taking a shuddering step forward, you disappear down the dark tunnel.

************************************

Somehow you feel even worse.

Dragging in a stuttering breath, you hug yourself, body wracked violently with shudders as you stumble through another pollen-filled tunnel. Sweat dots your skin, sticky and wet, too hot yet too cold.

Gritting your teeth you manage to stumble through a small gap in the wall, pushing and wriggling through into a small antechamber. The air here is warmer, thicker, sending you into a shivering haze.

Sinking to your knees, you curl into a ball, breathing in the poisonous perfume.

Something rustled nearby, a voice grumbling as something cuts through the tough fibers.

"-everywhere, I swear- READER?!"

Oh God...

Someone else was here.

It sends a warm burst through your center, fear and need warring as you shake. The voice grows closer, worried, before stopping a few feet from you.

Weakly, you look up.

Casey stands there, eyes wide, pupils shrunk as he stares. Glowing pollen covers him, the scent of sweet nectar thick as he gulps.

"What... what's going on..." you ask weakly. You push yourself, nearly falling as cold sinks deep into your skin, unpleasant and sharp. A hand shoots our, steadying-

It sends pleasant, dizzying warmth all through you.

Oh God no, no no no-

Trying to pull away, his grip doesn't break, simply letting your weak tugs drag him forward. The warm hand on your arm feels good, like dozing in sunlight, the hearth at night, the honeyed haze of a high.

It seems he felt it too.

"You feel... really nice," he slurs, eyes hazy as he nuzzles closer. Try as you might to shove him off, the moment he touches you, you're melting. Another violent shiver goes through you, toxic.

"Why does it hurt?" you cry quietly. This, this was the worst kind of fever, a plague that festered and rotted all it touched. You crave it; you hate it; you need it; you fear it.

All he does is hum.

Arms slowly circle you, dragging you into a firm hug. Fingers rub circles into your skin, a head resting on top of yours as the yokai let's out a small noise.

"So warm... like fire... a warm, bright fire..."

Something nuzzles into your shoulder, hair tickling your skin as you breathe in. Every touch further relaxes you; each bit of pressure soothes the tension in your bones.

Everything is too hot, molten gold and warm honey and that dizzying, divine high.

Everything feels good, too good.

You need more.

A kiss is placed, feather light and gentle as rain, followed by a soft keen.

You press back.

are you SURE this is your first romantic fic for a reader because this was bomb (sex pollen as a first is WILD)

ew our gay lil coworker dads ❤️ Ron outing reader when they tried to turn Casey down nonchalantly is HILARIOUS

bro why is a fuckass plant attacking the city 💔💔💔 (average day in Manhattan) though reader got the hops fr lord knows I would've gotten my ass pummeled.

bro the aftermath of this HAS to be wild--casey basically succeeded in getting into reader's pants atp. Warren talking to reader afterwards like 'c'mon kid on the FIRST DATE?? at least wait till the third.'

But honey. ohhhhhhhh my lovely honey minded hivemind. You have unleashed the beast on the world that is known as 'dizzy when she is thirsty for a man'. There is no turning back and if you EVER feel the urge to make a part two for this .....whoo....whoo boy.

(though I recommend posting it on your blog since mine isn't really meant to be 18+)

and with that out the way I present to you my doodles (suggestive down below beware)

[dumb-ghost-child]

Humans are weird: lifespan

Clara had known the mission was a bad idea. That guess was reinforced when the ship crashed. The other members of her little crew had died on impact, but she’d only been injured. From her guess it was just a few broken or otherwise messed up bones- annoying, yes, but not irreparable. She’d tried communicating with her crew, sending out transmissions and mentally screaming for Indigo, but nothing came to her rescue.

By some miracle, the air was breathable. The climate was on the warmer side, reminding her of the Caribbeans. It was quite nice, and if it weren’t for the three moons, binary star system, and the lavender sky, she would’ve been able to believe this was in a familiar system.

She stumbled out of the ship, swearing to herself when she saw what a wreck it was; there was no way she’d be getting back into the air with that.

Instead, she looked around. It appeared that she’d landed in a field of sorts- on the horizon she saw what appeared to be a civilization, maybe a town, and around her were tall trees that had pear-like fruits on them. A quick scan said they were edible, so she grabbed one. It was perfectly at her shoulder level, which she appreciated. The fruit was tasty, reminding her of earth’s apples or the kalrin-fruits Indigo had introduced to her.

It took a few minutes, but soon Clara had made herself a splint for her broken arm and gathered what she could from the ship’s remains.

She was about to make her way towards the town when she heard a strange chittering noise behind her. The translator didn’t pick it up, which either meant this was an undiscovered language or it was broken- it was really a 50/50 chance. Turning around, she saw a small creature, maybe reaching up to her knees, chittering at her. It seemed to be a bit scared, but still interested. It gestured for her to follow it, which she did, being led to another small town. All around her were the little creatures, rushing about, some coming up to her. They were cute, in a way, with mint-green skin, four arms, fur down their backs, six large eyes- well, she assumed they were eyes- and a bipedal walking pattern. They led her to a building with what appeared to be a collapsed roof, which only reached up to her head. Easily enough she fixed it, and the creatures seemed happy, surrounding her and making those same chittering noises, much more happy-sounding this time.

The Chiri, as Clara called them, were a fascinating civilization. They had a complex language of clicks, chirps, and assorted chittering sounds that took Clara a while to learn properly. Their planet was far faster than earth, one of earth’s weeks was the equivalent of a month for them, and an earth month was the equivalent of a year. Most Chiri only lived for a few of their years, but their lives were filled with celebration. It felt like every week Clara got invited to a new celebration- either a wedding, a coming of age, a new harvest, or even a funeral. Even though Clara took only around six months to fully recover, by that point she had become known as a Chiri guardian. She’d been on the planet for a number of their years, becoming a guardian figure. Where her ship had crashed was turned into a shrine of sorts, new towns being built around it. In exchange, Clara protected them, guided them, and shared her knowledge with them. She’d even learned their language to the point where it was as fluent as any other, even without her translator, which she was fairly certain had broken.

The Chiri had given Clara a new name that they called her, Xi-Rai’du. Most of the children knew her as Xixi.

Clara trusted her friends, they’d taken her in and healed her. They felt like family just as much as her crew on the ship did. Despite their short lives, the Chiri were a people who valued learning. They passed down stories from generation to generation, and Clara would help to remember them as well. She taught them to write, transcribing their stories.

One of the young rushed towards Clara, a little girl who had only recently become old enough to talk. “Xixi! Xixi! There you are!” The little one, her name Si’ra, reached out her four arms for Clara to lift her up, making a high-pitched noise that was roughly the same as a laugh. “The celebration was about to start without you, come! Dari and Lixai want you there!”

Clara nodded, smiling. Dari and Lixai were getting married, and Clara didn’t want to miss out. Still carrying Si’ra, Clara made her way towards the town.

All around the town were banners decorated in vibrant colors, flowers in every windowsill and a clear trail of petals leading to where the wedding would take place. Clara had always loved the Chiri’s celebrations, they were all filled with laugher, music, dancing and festivities that could go for days. As soon as Clara showed up, she was surrounded by lively music, cheers from the Chiri who’d arrived for the celebration, and the greeting of Dari and Lixai, both wearing gorgeous formal attire. Clara bowed to them, smiling as she let Si’ra down, watching her rush towards the other children to join in there game.

“Lady Xi-Rai’du, welcome.” Lixai spoke first, joy clear in all six of her eyes.

Clara shook her head, “Today isn’t a day for celebrating me, it’s for you two.” She gestured to the crowd, “They’re all here for you- so go, celebrate! You’ve earned it.”

Lixai and Dari smiled, taking Clara’s hand and leading her into the crowd.

The wedding was a joyous one, and Clara couldn’t help but feel incredibly proud of Lixai and Dari. Weddings were a major event for both humans and chiri, although the chiri certainly had a more lively celebration all the way through.

The next day, Clara went to the cave where the Chiri kept murals of all their major events. She smiled as she looked, seeing paintings of herself defending the town from wild beasts, celebrating amongst them, and even when she’d first arrived, now over a year ago.

Deep down though, she knew couldn’t stay. Her crew still needed her, and she knew the Chiri had to grow into a full civilization on their own. She was torn out of her mind though when she heard what sounded like screams outside. Sa’ri rushed in, panicked. “Xixi! Help! There are- there’s something outside!”

Clara, admittedly, panicked. She picked Sa’ri up again, letting the girl lead her out. As soon as she left she saw the cause of the panic. In the sky above was a ship. Her ship.

As soon as it landed, Clara put herself between the ship and the Chiri. She faced the panicked crowd, trying to keep order. “All of you! Please, calm down. These newcomers mean no harm.”

The Chiri trusted her, more or less calming down. Clara sighed in relief, facing the ship as the bridge lowered. What she saw surprised her- another human.

It took a moment for Clara to realize they were speaking English- she’d become so used to hearing the chiri’s language of chirps and squeaks- but when she registered what they were saying she almost laughed. It was a declaration of peace, saying they were only doing a recovery mission. Apparently they’d finally gotten the distress signal Clara had sent when she first was crashing, tracing it back to her.

Clara approached the ship, Sa’ri in her arms, and faced the stranger.

“If you’re looking for the recon group that was sent out here a little over a year ago..” she sighed, “I’m all that’s left. I’ve been living on this planet for the past year, and the civilization you see have helped me. They nursed me back to health, gave me a place to stay, and trusted me.” Behind her were the people who she’d protected for what were generations to them. “My name is Clara.. but it is also Xi-Rai’du, and these are the chiri.”

The human seemed shocked, but they didn’t do anything agressive.

“The crew thought you’d died..” they muttered, “they hired me as a replacement. How are you even alive?!”

She couldn’t help but laugh, “I told you. The chiri took me in, and the planet’s atmosphere is breathable.” she put Sa’ri down, and she hugged my leg before running back to her family, as though sensing that this would be the last time she saw her. “I assume you’re here to bring me back now that you know I’m alive?”

They nodded, gesturing for Clara to follow them.

“Just give me a second,” Clara turned to face the Chiri, bowing to them and switching back to their language. “Thank you, all of you. Now I must leave.. but I will return. Reach for the stars, and perhaps we will meet in the cosmos one day.”

The chiri seemed to understand, solemnly accepting that their guardian was leaving.

“Xixi!” Sa’ri called up from the crowd, “I’ll find you again, I promise!”

She turned, nodding to the fellow human. “Bring me back onto the ship.”

Maybe, just maybe, part of the reason she’d turned was because she wanted to hide the tears forming in the corners of her eyes. But when she returned onto the ship, Clara was reminded of where she belonged, amongst her family in the stars. The chiri had been kind, but she had to go. Besides, when Indigo saw her again, xir expression just about made all of the time away worth it.

[shanesloverboy]

Sweaty, sweaty man

[zdusk]

My fellow simonheads u have been so wonderfully kind and generous to me so u may have one more as a treat. Is this something that normal best friends do. Does anyone know

[palesweetscherryblossom]

I think Franco would like a scenario (I'm talking abt roleplaying) where you owe him a large sum of money, so he breaks into your house to collect it but you tell him you don't have any money right now. Then Franco gets the idea that such a lovely lady could give him something better than money🤭

Pervy thought

“You’re gonna give me what’s mine. Cash or ass! You’re paying one way or the other.” Comes to mind lol. I can definitely see him engaging in this sort of roleplay with Housewife! Reader who is on board since you’ve never did this sort of thing with anyone before. All sex with your husband was vanilla, boring.

You’re just minding your own business, maybe doing some household chores or baking, normal household duties. Then Franco suddenly busts in, (unloaded) Lupara pointed directly in your pretty face as he demands the money you allegedly owe him. Of course you have nothing to give and you say as much, pleading for Franco’s mercy.

You hate to admit it but teetering on the edge of death alongside Franco’s brutish behavior, calling you all sorts of nasty, degrading things has your cunt clenching. You can’t help but let a few moans slip as Franco yanks you around, grasping your pretty face or pushing you up against the kitchen counter.

You amp up the waterworks and the pleading, your sweet brittle voice teetering on the edge of sobbing as you beg for the mean, brute to have a lil pity for you. Franco can’t help but smirk at seeing you clearly enjoy it, making a mental note to do this more often. He lowers Lupara from your temple down to the lovely valley between your legs, lifting up your skirt in the process.

Without any regard for your physical appearance, Franco just rips open your top. Revealing your laced bra and making your tits bounce ever so slightly. You gasp and squeal, admonishing Franco for such brutish behavior before being shut up by Franco gagging you with Lupara. You don’t want the neighbors hearing how much of a whore you’re being right now, do ya?

The metal taste makes you moan as Franco tears away your bra and begins to aggressively nip and suckle at your sensitive nipples. Biting, pulling, licking like an excited pooch. He has you hold up your skirt as he feasts on your sopping wet folds, murmuring and moaning how you taste so good and how this is way better than any cash you could offer.

It ends with Franco fucking you like a rabid animal on the counter, breast pushed up against the cold surface as your pussy clenches deliciously around Franco’s cock. His heavy balls slapping against wet flesh as you both moan and cry out in ecstasy.

You both help each other clean up, taking turns licking yourselves clean before having a shower together and sending Franco on his way. Before he leaves, you can’t help but ask when you can do this again sometime. Franco merely gives a wide, Cheshire grin at that and states that tomorrow would do just fine. He has so many fantasies and he wants you to star in each one

[purp13cloud]

Spiral!Jazz inspired by @theparquet

[underqualified-human]

Dr Facilier with: a kitchen witch s/o

→ Request:

Hiiiiiiiii! I was wondering if you could do headcanons for Dr. Facilier with an autistic reader that practices Druidism/kitchen witchcraft? Like, they always smell like some kind of herbal concoction, they freaking *shove* enchanted food and drink to help out, and generally put a lot of work into how they treat their surrounding environment? I hope this request works well for you! wonderful day!!! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 By @add-a-bit-of-neurospice

→ Author’s Note: Hi, so seeing as I don’t have autism nor the experience where I feel like I’m able to portray a character with autism accurately, I won’t be writing that aspect of the request. Very sorry. 

→ ⚠ Warnings ⚠: no beta, basically a first fic because I've been away for so long

→ Fandom: The Princess and The Frog (Disney Movie)

→ Genre: Romantic Headcanons

→ Pronouns: They/Them

He's very systematic with how he chooses to spend his time in a day, but whenever he bakes/cooks with you he completely forgets about it and just lives in the moment

He feels very awkward accepting food as gifts. He's very used to a 'quid pro quo' lifestyle and when he's told he doesn't owe you anything it throws him a bit off guard

After a while, he gets used to it, but a small part of him still feels like he doesn't deserve it. He usually forgets to eat or is so hard at work that he doesn't see time for it, so the meals are a huge help even if it isn't enchanted.

He likes to return the favour in some way, usually by helping with dishes or doing ingredient shopping for you (he is - unsurprisingly - very good at haggling)

Personally, he doesn't care much for nature or gardening but he respects how much effort you put into protecting/maintaining the nature around you. 

Over the course of the relationship, he begins to associate the smell of herbs with comfort and safety. Whenever he steps into the kitchen after a tough day you can physically see him relax

When it comes to your practice he has no opinion - as long as it doesn't intervene with his own. If it does he brings it up immediately and you come to an agreement quickly enough.