Anon Advice Asks - October 24
wise anon, feminine gift anon (new), midnights anon, USAID anon
wise anon
Hey Cas!
Thank you so much for ur answers before. I feel really guilty when I picture my future since… I’m so worried that I won’t do anything right. I’m worried I won’t pick the right college or the right apartment or that I haven’t saved enough money even though im not even old enough I start working,
And I’m scared because I’m worried I’d be under my parents lock and key my entire life, and I’ll have to be permanently guilty and do things that hurt me just to be normal and correct…
But I’m trying really hard not to feel guilty, and I hope it works someday
And I have more questions about growing up and stuff (if you’re alright with answering)
Question one: How will I stop feeling homesick? I feel like if I get older and move out, I’ll feel homesick and the lack of parental anxiety is gonna make me do things to feel safety and “comfort” I have with my parents. I’m worried that it’ll make growing up harder
Question two: I feel really really small, like my world is being shrunk and put into boxes against my will. It makes being myself really hard. It makes actually feeling joy and passion hard. I’ve been dissociated for weeks straight because of it and I hate it. I want to feel things again and I want my world not to feel small, because it’s not. There’s so much stuff out there and I want to actually feel alive enough to experience it. So I guess my question is, in the meantime (like, as I’m going through the rest of school and living with parents) how do I stop leaving my body and numbing myself? How do I stay present? I’d rather be miserable and scared while feeling alive than being miserable and scared while also really disconnected :(
Question three: Is it possible to be my own person? The next couple years I’m financially, and legally, and emotionally under my parents whims, and they’re not the worst but… they definitely see me as a child they own and not a completely different person. I feel so guilty when I’m upset with them because… they’re doing me a favor by providing but… they hurt my feelings so bad so often. The future looks like nothing but my parents living vicariously through me, and me being miserable. Is it possible to not feel that way? Is it possible to not be stuck? Is it possible to like,
Be an adult? a person? Someone who is something else other than their parents child?
I’m sorry if this is too personal, by the way. Please don’t feel pressured to answer if you’re uncomfortable!
You’re awesome,
Bye bye!
—wise anon
Hi!
Before I get into your questions, I just want to remind you that there's no perfect decision, like you're phrasing it. Like college, for example. There's not ONE college that's the ONLY college that's right for you and all the others are awful and if you don't find this one right college, your life is over. In reality, there are MANY colleges where you'll thrive and succeed! Same for jobs, apartments, and other things! And also...you CAN change your mind. You don't have to stay at the same college, job, or apartment forever. I promise you, even though these decisions feel like life-or-death, they can be adjusted <3
Question 1: Honestly, it's because your new place (college, apartment, dorm, whatever) will start to feel like home, and your old home will feel less like home. Which sounds sad, but it's actually cool! You'll have a place thats uniquely YOURS, and it's the best feeling in the world. The first few months of adjustment suck, but as you change your POV on what home is, it's cool to make your own spot in the world.
Question 2: I think the world will feel a lot bigger when you go to college. There are a lot more opportunities and ways to make a difference, once you're out on your own. You also meet people and experience things you've never done before! Yeah, I know it sucks to hear a 'wait and see' but college will mke a huge difference with this!
Question 3: I definitely think it's possible! I think it happens in small steps. Like you'll find that slowly but surely, your parents will lose that power over you, and you'll be able to take that power for yourself. It won't happen overnight, and that's probably a good thing to be honest- there's a LOT of shit that you realize you have to deal with once you're on your own and it's...yeah, it's a lot. But you're coming up on years where your parents HAVE to give you power, and it's a freeing (and scary) feeling. It sounds like you'll enjoy making those decisions for yourself <3
Sending you love!
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feminine gift anon (new)
Cas hello.
I am worried. I was buying a gift for my friend, with my mother near me. The thing is, my gift is mostly seen as a feminine thing by society and my friend is a guy.
My mother is a misogynistic person, and thinks guys can't like feminine things.
It went like this:
"oh should I buy this for my friend? They will like it"
"sure if she likes it. What's your friends name?"
And I just made up a girl's name because his name is very masculine and if I said he was a guy I would get in trouble for be friending a 'gay' person. (He is straight. I don't even know if he is trans/cis or any part of LGBT, not that it even matters.)
And I said her name was Sophie. His name definitely isn't Sophie. Anyway.
I bought the gift. Now I am just nervous, did I do something wrong, purposely misgendering and misnaming someone?
He gets called gay/sissy a lot because of liking gem things and doesn't like that. But I know he is straight and a guy and I acknowledge it. I never refer to him as anything like that, just one time around my mother.
So...
Nah, I don't think it's a big deal. Sounds like you just didn't feel like having that conversation with your mom. I do that sometimes, and even though it's not the best coping strategy, sometimes it's the easiest choice.
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midnights anon
Helloooooo Cas
the way I worded my ask probably sounded super self-isolatey but don’t worry! I’m not like trying to purposefully avoid everyone, or at least I’m trying not to. I see my friends (like the school friends who aren’t in my grade and don’t make me feel super alone) at rehearsal or at clubs! (When they’re at clubs a few of them kinda make me feel unwelcome but it might just be my own projection)
But during lunch I usually sit alone :( (not for lack of trying to sit with people though) I feel kinda stupid and lonely on the days there aren’t any clubs during lunch (cuz my friends hang out with eachother and don’t invite me (even the people that don’t make me feel lonely at rehearsals and are like, friend-friends (even after I repeatedly try to be included in lunch plans))). I kinda feel like most of my friends just talk to me because I happen to be around, otherwise they don’t really reach out unless we’re in class and they need help (again, this might just be projection), and I’ve been trying to learn to just deal with it at school. Talking about it to my friends seems to make things worse, so I guess there’s no point,
This on top of all the homework (and catching a cold) has given me some really bad brain fog and I just want to feel like myself again. I don’t really know how to be anymore
This has kinda turned into a vent, I’m sorry :( I just don’t really know what to do about everything. How do I stop having brain fog, and actually feel things again? I’ve even acquired a new hyper-fixation but I just cant really feel it. I watch edits I read fanfics and I can literally feel myself almost being okay. Being almost inspired to create and do stuff. Being almost myself again, but I’m never quite there :( I really want life to feel real again, and not like a burden
—midnights anon
Hi!
Please don't be sorry for venting, I don't mind! I know what you mean by mind fog, life can be so exhausting sometimes. ANd it's hard because like...to be honest, it sounds like mental health stuff, you know? Like I'm not a professional, but that sounds like something deeper that could be helped from medication or a therapist. But iirc, you said that's not an option right now....
Oooo what about going for walks? Sometimes that helps my brain fog!
Sending love!
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USAID anon
Heyyy its usaid anon. Um. Lowkey kinda worried about this shitdown. We're no longer ordering in or going out which like. its not a big deal but its a change thats WEIRD you know? and if my parents are worried abt that im worried about like the trips that we have planned you know? the last one lasted a month so i guess i wait and if its still not resolved then I'll start to really worry. also i would really like it to get fixed soon bc i dont think ive said this but my plan is to go into diplomacy and since embassy kids cant get jobs while living abroad the embassy offers internships over the summer to 16+ but theres been a freeze and im 16 this summer. We dont know if it will be fixed by then but an internship especially abroad would REALLY help me. And even if the freeze is resolved the shitdown has to be too bc they can keep their current workers without pay but they cant take in a bunch of interns without paying them you know?
Also really stupid compared to every real problem right now including in my own life but i miss my best friend :(. Shes like my fsvorite person and i miss her so much.
ALSO ALSO conans going on tour and i would literally DIE if i could go but his "world tour" doesnt include asia AT ALL. Like not even a tokyo date. Im SO tired of artists going on "world tours" that arent really world tours more like europe and north america tours. Idk it just rubs me the wrong way and i want to go to concerts but i can never go. Like genuinely when ed sheeran came to delhi everyone i talked to didnt even really listen to him they just wanted to go to a concert. Like theres interest EVERYWHERE if not with the locals then with the expats. ESPECIALLY places that artists never go to.
Ok rant over
I mean....god, if the government is still shut down in the summer, we are REALLY fucked, lol. But no, I have to think SOMETHING will be done before then. *knocks on wood* I just can't imagine people will let it go on for almost a year, the country will collapse
more than it already has...
I'm sorry you miss your friend and conan isn't coming near you </3 you're allowed to be sad about those things! I mean, a concert could be a nice distraction right now, if nothing else, right?
Sending you love!
