#witchersexual jaskier

[dandeliont3aandsageleaves]

Fic idea where Jaskier is a fae who keeps breaking into Kaer Morhen despite everyone's best efforts.

He doesn't want to hurt any of them (obviously), he just thinks the Witchers are cool and wants to shower them with affection. So he breaks in every winter and brings them food and helps fix up the keep and makes sure they're okay and sings them songs.

The Witchers are understandably very upset and freaked out by this random fae breaking into their home every winter. They spend so long trying to ward the keep against him, they try chasing Jaskier away, there are multiple attempts on his life. Jaskier just laughs and boops them on the nose before fluttering away. They end up reluctantly accepting him like one of those wild foxes trying to domesticate themselves.

Jaskier then starts kidnapping leading other Witchers to Kaer Morhen and the keep eventually fills up with very confused, very grumpy Witchers and a very satisfied fae who's happy with his collection.

[incorrect-favourites]

jaskier, stealing his Witchers' clothes: I like wearing oversized sweaters. Not just because they're extremely comfy and cuddly, but because whenever the sleeves are really big, I get to flop them around and smack people.

[catscraftsandcommentary]

In this house we stan witcher-sexual Jaskier.

Because you can't tell me that when Geralt brings him home, Jaskier DOESN'T take one look at all these sad wet puppies Wolves (and the occasional Cat) and IMMEDIATELY go "mine now. All mine. Gonna spoil 'em and cuddle 'em and write pretty songs about 'em and fight everyone who's ever said anything mean about 'em and also fuck 'em senseless."

[dirtycombatboots]

Jaskier, explaining why he is witchersexual: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! IT'S LIKE A MALE HAREM IN BOOKS, BUT IN REAL LIFE

Priscilla: Aren't guys in those books are just a bunch of different types for a reader to choose what they like the most?

Jaskier: EXACTLY! THE CHOICE! SWEET CHOICE, I'M UTTERLY LOST

Priscilla: What are choices

Jaskier: WELL, GLAD YOU ASKED

• Tragic hero macho man (Geralt)

• Tsundere hunk (Lambert)

• Bear of culture (Eskel)

• Discipline DILF (Vesemir)

• Pick-me twink (Aiden)

• Shy walrus (Cöen)

SHOULD I SAY MORE, PRISCILLA?

[0dde11eth]

Valdo: im worried the witchers are taking advantage of you

Jaskier: dont worry, they might be running a train but im the conductor

[geraskierfanficprompts]

Prompt 148

All in all, it’s not the worst kidnapping Jaskier has been through. He’s blindfolded, but they’ve not gagged him! Score! His head’s still a little muggy, however, so he hasn’t been able to make his mouth really say anything… not yet.

he’s tied to… a tree? A pole? Maybe a beam or column? He can’t tell if he’s outside or inside yet, on account of the whole blindfold and muggy head thing he explained earlier. "H- Hello?" He finally manages to call out. "Welcome to the waking world, My Lord~" A voice mocks. Jaskier has a bad feeling about the voice, even aside from the fact the voice is most definitely his kidnapper, it also just has very bad vibes overall.. It reminds Jaskier of an ooze. Or... Or sewage. Something.... Slimey. Icky. Blegcky... The fog in his brain starts to clear a little bit more.. Lord.. He called him lord. Jaskier is no lord. Julian was a lord. Jaskier is not Julian, not any more. That rings many alarm bells in Jaskier's head. They're expecting a man that Jaskier considers dead to the world. "Looks like he's panicking, Boss." Oh shit. There were multiple. "Aww, that's cute." Another one mocks. "Don't worry, lordling, as soon as your parents pay the ransom, you'll be free." Yet another one says. Uh oh. This is quite frankly too many voices for Jaskier to focus on right now. He has a LOT of other things to focus on right now! Like the fact they think his parents are going to be paying a ransom? As if! Oh Melitele, he's going to die here! ...Unless... "W- What address are you sending it to?" "The Pankratz estate, obviously." "They won't be there to get your message, good sirs! They're actually in their holiday home in the blue mountains! I- In Kaedwen!" Jaskier prays this works.

[lassieposting]

anyway jaskier is like. basically the human equivalent of those wild animals someone feeds who've lost all fear of people and now just break into houses to eat out of the trash and chill in the pool

he's been travelling with a witcher since he was 18. he has zero fear of any of them. he associates witchers with Having Things Done For Him and Being Provided For and Give Love. he has no reservations whatsoever about going up to any random witcher he happens to pass when geralt isn't around and asking them to help him with something or do something for him or just. trailing after them for a while because he knows if he whines perfectly on pitch they'll hunt his dinner and store his shit in their horse's saddlebags and keep him safe on the road, even if they're grumpy about it. at kaer morhen he is like the stray cat geralt fed one time and now everyone is just like "well he lives here now i guess". it just Does Not Occur to him that he might ever be in danger with a witcher around. this is a man who finds things lying around in the kaer morhen lab and just fucking. eats them

anyway. those "please do not feed the animals it teaches them to approach people" signs but. for jaskier and the oxenfurt students who start trying to imitate him and adopt a witcher

[fandom-junk-drawer]

Jaskier after seeing the Kaer Morhen Witcher Police Force training video