Tags/Warnings: Implied/Referenced Character Death, Major Character Death, Alternate Universe- Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe- Role Reversal, Grief/Mourning, Supportive Friends, Crimes & Criminals, Jail, Moving On, Falling in Love, Accidental Relationship, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending
Summary: What would've happened if Cordell and Geri had been the ones to die? Would Hoyt and Emily have found their way to each other? What would that have looked like?
Written for @angstober Day 31: Won't Forget
It was just supposed to be a simple raid. Sure, there was always a risk with his job; they all knew it. But Cordell always came back alright. Maybe he had a scratch or a bruise or, heaven forbid, a stab or a shot wound, but he always came back.
Maybe Emily had just grown naive enough to fool herself with pretty lies like that. Otherwise, that phone call may not have destroyed her so completely.
She tried to shove it down. There was so much for her to do. She had to make preparations for the funeral- his real funeral, not that pony show the county was putting on for their Fallen Ranger. She had to handle the contents of Cordell’s will and thank the Lord every day that she’d bugged him to keep it updated. She had to work with the life insurance company to make sure her family got what they were owed (not that it could replace Cordell). And she had to keep up a normal life on top of it all, make sure the kids got to school and kept up with their coursework- not to mention keep up with her own work.
She never realized how much she needed Cordell to get through her day. Everyone in their lives would joke that she was the one that held their family together, especially with how much his work took him away. Goodness knows how many fights they’d had about that. But Cordell was always the one that made her coffee in the morning and reminded her to take snacks when she had a busy day and might not be able to eat a full lunch. He was always the one that took care of the garden and made sure the weeds didn’t get out of control. He was always the one that kept her car topped up with gas and reminded her about oil changes. He was always the one that helped her sleep at night, his warm body and steady heartbeat a comfort that she couldn’t get a decent night’s sleep without.
How was she supposed to live the rest of her life like this?
“Mornin’, Em! I made pancakes.”
Emily smiled and brought down some plates. “Thanks Hoyt. The kids will love it.”
“So will you.”
She never expected Hoyt to be such a big support. Maybe she shouldn’t have been surprised; he’d been Cordell’s best friend and one of her closest ones for many years. She supposed it was just easy to forget what a good friend he could be when he was around since he spend so much of his time away.
He wasn’t everything she needed, but he helped. He made sure the kids got to school and packed her lunches and kept the house in order- things she felt too frazzled and lost in her grief to care about.
A small part of her felt bad for taking up his time like this. She knew Geri wanted time with her own boyfriend. But Hoyt was insistent on helping and Geri never said anything to her about it so she wasn’t going to rock the boat. It was nice having him around.
Maybe it was a little strange to have him stay the night when he had someone else to go home to, but she couldn’t help but feel comfort in not being totally alone when she couldn’t sleep.
There was nothing wrong with a friend helping out a friend, right?
—-------------
She was never supposed to be involved. Hoyt tried so hard to keep the line between his private life and his work clear and firm. He never talked about his friends or family with his more dangerous cohorts, and he definitely never told them about Geri.
But it wasn’t enough. He didn’t do enough to protect her. And now Geri was being rolled out of her own home in a body bag.
Hoyt had been the one to find her. He came to the house early to make Geri some breakfast after he made some for Emily and the kids. He felt a little bad for spending so much time over there, even if he did have a good reason. He just wanted to do something nice to remind her he still cared. He’d even bought flowers on his way over.
Now those flowers were in the trash and he was relegated to the porch while various LEOs trampled in and out of Geri’s house. His thumb hovered over Emily’s contact in his phone.
He should call her. She deserved to know her best friend was dead. But how was he supposed to tell her? It had only been about 6 months since they lost Cordell. How was he supposed to tell her she lost her best friend now too? And how was he supposed to explain that it was all his fault? She’d slam the door in his face next time he came over for sure. How could she ever stand to look at him again?
“I can tell her if you want.”
Hoyt jerked and looked up at the man who had apparently materialized next to him. “Larry,” he greeted. “Don’t worry. I’ll tell her. You had to tell her about Cordell; it’s my turn.”
“I don’t mind,” he said. “I know…. I know it’s not easy.”
“I’ll tell her,” Hoyt repeated. “It’s the least I can do.”
After everything he’s done. After everything that’s happened. This is the least he can do.
—------------------
Two funerals within a year. That was a new record for Emily. First her soulmate, then her best friend. Both taken far too soon in such violent ways. She felt like the unfortunate main character of a soap opera.
It didn’t help that Hoyt was avoiding her. After the call where he told her what happened to Geri, he’d barely spoken two words to her and he hadn’t come by the house at all. It hurt that he was leaving her alone at a time like this, though she could hazard a guess as to why.
She didn’t get a chance to confront him about it until after the funeral. Everyone came to the Walker ranch for a chance to rest and eat and somehow, they ended up in the kitchen alone.
“It’s not your fault, you know,” she said, grabbing his arm before he had a chance to leave her. Again.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Hoyt said. But he didnt’ pull away.
“I know what you’re thinking, Hoyt,” she said. “And it’s not your fault. I don’t blame you and Geri wouldn’t either. Because it’s not your fault.”
“We both know it is, Em.”
“It’s really not.”
Hoyt wrenched his arm out of her grip. “It is!” he whisper-yelled. “It damn well is! You know it and I sure as hell know it! I don’t even see how you can say it’s not!”
“Hoyt-”
“I’m the one that worked with those bastards! I pissed them off! I gave them a reason to come after me! I gave them a reason to hurt her!”
“Maybe but that’s not-” Emily glanced out of the kitchen to make sure no one was watching and then dragged him out to the back porch.
“I don’t know why you’re even trying to have this conversation,” Hoyt griped. “Everyone in there blames me.”
“That’s not true and you know it,” Emily snapped. “I don’t blame you. The kids don’t blame you. Neither does Abby.” Bonham probably did but he’d always been a little rough on Hoyt so it wasn’t worth arguing over. “The only one blaming you is you and you need to stop it because I-” she let out a shuddering breath. “I can’t lose you too.”
Hoyt deflated and sat on the porch bench, head in his hands.
Emily sat next to him and hugged him. “You didn’t kill her,” she whispered. “Maybe you didn’t make the smartest choices but you didn’t pull that trigger. You did everything you could to keep her out of harm’s way.” Emily hugged him tighter. “I know this hurts a lot right now and it’s going to be a long time before you forgive yourself, but I’ll be here until you do.”
Hoyt said nothing. He just quietly sobbed into his hands. And Emily sat by him until it was time for them to go back inside.
—-------------
It took less than a week for Hoyt to decide on his next move. Maybe Geri’s death wasn’t his fault entirely, but he had a part to play in it. It was time for him to start making up for his mistakes.
“Hoyt, you really don’t have to do this.”
He glared up at James. “It’s the right thing to do, Captain. The only thing I can do right now. It’s about time I start taking this life seriously.”
James sighed. “Alright. I can’t guarantee you’ll get full immunity but with the information you’re willing to hand over, you’ll get a good deal.”
“I’m not doing this to get myself out of trouble, Cap. I just want a little justice.”
James nodded. “Right. Just make sure you leave the work to the justice system, alright? You’ve got people that would like to see you walk out of prison again one day.”
“I know.” As much as he’d love to shank the bastards that did this to Geri (he had a pretty good idea of who exactly pulled the trigger too), he wouldn’t do that to Emily. They were all each other had now. “Now, how do we do this? I’m not used to actually giving up information during these things…”
“Well, it’s a lot like normal, except you’re actually going to answer the questions I ask you. Are you ready?”
“Ready as I’ll ever be.”
—----------------
Hoyt ended up getting one year in prison. It would’ve been much longer for all the charges brought against him, but giving up his cohorts helped reduce his sentence by a lot.
On the day of his release, Emily was waiting outside the prison for him. The rest of the family was putting together a little surprise party for him at the ranch. She smiled as he walked out of those doors for the last time and held out her arms for a hug.
It felt good, knowing he would be around for more of these.
She pulled back, sliding her hands down his arms. “How does it feel? Being out for good?” she asked.
Hoyt hummed. “Weird. But good. Really, really good.”
She smiled. “Good. Come on; everyone’s waiting for you. Yes, even Bonham. He’s been working the grill all day.”
Hoyt chuckled. “Now that, I have to see.” He squeezed her hand. “Thanks, Em.”
“Of course; what are friends for?”
—----------
Hoyt hadn’t been expecting a full on welcome back party. But, considering how well he knew the Walkers, he probably should have.
It wasn’t a big bash, just an intimate affair with the family. It was nice to see them like this. Happy. Smiling. Laughing.
There were two people missing but Hoyt was in a good enough mood to overlook that for now.
Emily pulled him aside as the party wound down a bit. “I got you a present,” she said, putting a small box in his hands.
“Aw, Em, you shouldn’t have. I don’t need anything.”
She rolled her eyes. “Just open it, Rawlins.”
He chuckled and opened the box. Inside, there was a set of keys and a set of papers. He glanced at Emily before skimming the papers. He didn’t understand everything but he saw the LLC the Side Step was listed under. “Em?”
“You don’t have to accept it,” she said. “But I think this would be a good start for your new life. I’m managing it right now but it’s not something I can do forever, even with the help I have, and…. I think it’s what Geri would want.”
He lifted the keys from the box and gingerly held them in his hand. “What do you mean you’re managing it?” he asked, mostly to distract the conversation from himself.
Emily nodded. “Geri left it to me. Well, technically she left it for any potential future children but I was the secondary. I’ve been handling the admin with help from Abby and some of the more experienced workers but…. I think it’d be good for you.”
Hoyt hummed. “Are you sure? I’m not exactly a businessman. Spent most of my life doing pretty much the opposite.”
“Yeah, but you’ve left that behind for good. And you need a job anyway.” She shrugged. “Maybe this is just nepotism, but I think you’d be good at it. You know your alcohol, you’re a good salesman and you know how to get along with business partners, and you’re a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for. And you know we’ll all help you if you need it. I know you can do this. If you want to.”
Hoyt closed his hand around the keys. “Well, I don’t have as much confidence as you do but…. I’ll give it a shot.”
Emily smiled and hugged him. “I knew you’d love it.”
He wrapped his arms around her, a warmth blossoming inside him that he hadn’t felt in a long time.
—------
Somehow, in the middle of everything, they both missed that they were falling in love all over again.
It was only natural that they grew closer, of course. Hoyt had officially moved in with her after he got out of jail and she took time off work to help him take over the Side Step. Spending almost all hours of the day with someone would only naturally lead to them growing closer. And they were already quite close to begin with, so it really wasn’t that far of a leap.
Maybe that was why neither of them noticed it until they both took the plunge.
It happened on the one year anniversary of Hoyt going straight. Emily had insisted on doing a little celebration but Hoy didn’t want to make a big deal of it so it was just the two of them at the Side Step after closing. “I still think you’re downplaying how big of a deal this is,” Emily said in between sips of beer. “I mean, a whole year without being in jail is a record in and of itself. And I don’t think you’ve been in one place for this long since we graduated high school. You should be proud of that.”
He shrugged. “I’m just catching up with everyone else. And I think you are downplaying how much you helped me get here. If anyone should be celebrated tonight, it’s you.”
“Well, maybe we can both be celebrated.” Emily clinked her glass against his before pushing off from the table and going over to the jukebox.
“What are you doin, Em’?”
She picked a song and fed a coin into the machine. “We’re celebrating, aren’t we?” She sauntered back over as the music played. “Dance with me, Rawlins.”
Hoyt chuckled and stood up, taking her hand and twirling her. “Who am I to deny such a polite request?”
They were just playing around. Nothing wrong with a dance between friends. But when the right song is playing and you’ve got a little too much alcohol in your system, sometimes you realize the man you're dancing with is more than just a friend to you. So maybe you put your arms around his neck and get up on your toes and kiss him. And maybe he kisses you back. And maybe you do a lot more kissing and very little talking for the rest of the night and you don’t even really think about what it all means until it’s morning.
So, Emily made breakfast, sent the kids off to school, and cornered Hoyt before he went to work. “We need to talk.”
“Too early to talk,” Hoyt muttered into his coffee.
“Too bad, we need to.” She pushed him into a chair and stood in front of him. “We need to talk about last night.”
“You mean about the fact that we kissed and probably would’ve fucked if we’d had a little more alochol in our system.”
Sometimes Emily appreciated Hoyt’s bluntness. Now was not one of those times. “Well- Yes. We need to talk about that and decide what happens next.”
He sighed and put his coffee mug down. “Look, I get it. You regret it. I’m sorry too. Now we can drop it and pretend it never happened.”
“Hoyt- That’s not what I was trying to say!” Emily crossed her arms. “First of all, I haven’t regretted kissing a boy since Rodney in 8th grade and we both know that wasn’t a kiss I initiated. Secondly, I’m not sorry at all for kissing you last night. I’m just sorry it happened the way it did. I- We needed to talk first.”
“About what?”
“About wh- About us! About our history and what this means! I mean- We- We’ve been friends forever, you dated my best friend, I married yours! And what does this mean for our future? How are the kids going to react? Or Abby and Bonham? Or-”
“Breath, darlin’.” Hoyt smothered any other words she had to say in a hug and she couldn’t help but melt into it. He rubbed her back until she calmed down a bit.
“First off, I don’t regret it either. Second, I don’t know how everyone’s gonna react. But I don’t think I really care. I think we do what’s best for us, Em.”
She sighed. “I mean- maybe we don’t need their approval or whatever but we still have to tell them. And… it might be weird.”
Hoyt kissed the top of her head. “So let it be weird. I believe some wonderful, beautiful, smart woman once said that ‘things don’t have to be good to be good’….”
Emily laughed. “Did she now? Tell me more….”
They would have to tell everyone. But they could do that later. It was nice, just being in this bubble where they were the only things that mattered.
—-------
They had to tell the kids first. Emily was adamant about that. “We need to know if they’re okay with it first and figure out what to do if they’re not.” It honestly hadn’t occurred to Hoyt that they wouldn’t be okay with it, but now he was terrified of that happening.
They decided to just talk to the kids one night after dinner. Nothing special, nothing crazy, no need to freak them out.
“Is something going on?” August asked as they moved to the living room. “You two are being weird.”
“Nothing bad happened,” Emily said gently. “We just have something we want to talk to you about. Please, sit.”
The kids sat on the couch, watching them apprehensively.
They’d talked a bit about what to say, but none of the words seemed right. Hoyt was planning on just letting Emily take the lead on this one.
“Well…” she started. “You guys know your Uncle Hoyt and I have been friends for a long time-”
“Just friends. Real good friends.”
Emily side eyed him but continued. “We’ve gotten…closer over the last couple years. Losing your dad and Aunt Geri…. It was hard. But we supported each other.”
On impulse, Hoyt grabbed her hand. It was half a way to hide how his were shaking and half a way to show his support. And maybe hint as to where this conversation was going.
“What I’m trying to say is… A lot has happened and… We’ve decided to start dating.”
There was a long moment of silence that stretched on far too long. Hoyt squeezed Emily’s hand, praying this went over well.
“Is…. Is that what you needed to tell us?” Stella asked.
Emily nodded. “I know this is weird for you guys but-”
Stella interrupted her. “Mom, you know…. We don’t really care. You’re happier with Hoyt than you’ve been since Dad…. And we’re happy for you.”
August nodded. “Yeah. You make each other happy and… we’re just happy to see you happy.”
“And we kind of already figured you were,” Stella added.
“What?”
“Well, yeah, I mean, you live together-”
“-and if you’re not here at the house you’re both usually at the Side Step-”
“-and you’re both kind of touchy with each other-”
“-which we’re totally cool with,” August finished.
Well. At least they didn’t have to worry about that. “I guess you should stop calling me ‘Uncle’ Hoyt then.”
Emily rolled her eyes. “Don’t make it weird.”
—----------
They had the approval of the family. But there were two more people they needed to talk to.
“Hey, Cordi.” Emily sat in front of his headstone. She picked a flower from a nearby patch of wildflowers nearby and set it on top. “It’s been a while since I came here. I’ve been busy.”
She sighed. “I may as well just come out with it.Hoyt and I…. We’re seeing each other. Romantically. Never thought I’d say that,” she said with a chuckle. “But… here we are.”
She traced a pattern in the grass. “I know I don’t have to ask you for your blessing or anything but… It just seemed like the right thing to do.” Emily kissed her hand, then pressed it to the top of Cordell’s grave. “I love you. So much. And I miss you so, so much. I’m not- I could never forget you I just… I need to move on.”
A gust of wind blew past her, pushing the flower off of the headstone and into her lap.
She chuckled. “I guess that’s you telling me to get on with it, huh?”
The halls are towering and winding, and Anakin genuinely has no idea which way to go. He doesn’t know anything about this, or where he’s supposed to be heading. All he knows is that this looks like a maze, and was carefully designed to make people get lost.
What if Obi-Wan comes looking for him? What will he do then? What if the Jedi find him? What if they decide he’s too much of a risk and just… have them both executed?
He doesn’t care what they claim – he’s not going to believe that below them.
They killed Maul.
That’s not something Anakin can forget, either.
He still feels his master’s presence, though, for as muted as it may be, and Anakin tries to follow that as he searches.
He doesn’t know where to go. Whether he can sense his master or not, the halls are large and long, and he doesn’t know which way to turn.
But he needs to go down further, to the part he can tell is off-limits, and he can sense movement up ahead. Temple guards are here. How is he going to get past them? Trying to disguise himself as one wouldn’t be very believable, and he wouldn’t have a way to get the disguise anyway. Not like he’d ever risk attacking one to take their robes – the Jedi would probably kill him for sure, then. He wouldn’t put that past them either, considering how they were treating them on Naboo.
Anakin’s still discreetly watching the guard’s movements, waiting for a way to get past them, when he suddenly senses someone approaching from behind. And there’s nowhere he can get to fast enough.
He ducks behind the nearest pillar, crouching back against the wall, heart pounding as he hears the footsteps growing closer. And he knows a second before it happens that it’s too late.
if, back when i was still alive
there was really someone who loved me
i hope that they forget me
fall in love with someone else
and live in bliss
for the rest of their life
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