#worst date ever

[goshyesvintageads]

APF Electronics Inc, 1979

[baddybaddyadardaddy]

When she comes into your house, won't eat your food, disses your kids then refuses to listen to you talk about your fertility struggles.

[geraskierfanficprompts]

Prompt 40

In a modern world, Geralt has been chatting online with a man named "Dandelion" for about four weeks now. They finally worked up the mutual courage to go out for a date... I R L... (shocked gasps from the imaginary audience)

Only, Geralt has been sat alone at the restaurant they agreed upon for about an hour and a half now. All his messages to Dandelion have been ignored. He doesn't want to hope something bad happened to him, but he also doesn't want to hope the man is fine and just decided to blow off Geralt and their date. But then he finally gets a call from Dandelion. "Hi! Geralt! Geralt, Right? I hit the right number? Listen- Um- I locked my keys in the car. I know it sounds like an excuse but it isn't! And the car fixer men can't come until tomorrow, so I was just going to hire an uber, but I can't find my wallet, and I doubt I have the money for it, for see, my darling white wolf, I may have splurged all my money on quite a lovely bouquet to bring you- Um- It's on my kitchen table-" (the sounds of a man clambering and stumbling through his own apartment) "-And so i was going to do the very embarrassing act of asking you to pay for my uber, even though you were already generous enough to offer to pay for the entire meal, and so I decided I'd think on it and try and find my wallet again after my shower, but see then I fell in the shower, and I- Well, to be honest, I think I might have broken my arm, um- I think I need a raincheck? And can I borrow money for an uber to the hospital? I'll pay it back, I swear!" Long story short, Geralt's first date with this 'Dandelion' guy he's had a massive crush on for weeks, is driving him to the hospital and checking him in. The worst part of it all is that Jaskier (Dandelion's real name*) is so charming, that Geralt can't even be upset about the whole situation. *Geralt soon learns that "Julian" is Jaskier's 'real' real name, when he ends up helping Jaskier write out his medical forms, but this is all just semantics.

[budapest-by-blimp]

Sometimes I just think about how Burr’s all “Can I buy you a drink?” and Alexander says “That would be nice” so they go to a tavern and then Alexander loudly disses Burr to get the attention of the table full of cooler guys. He then leaves with those guys.

Alexander, you’re such a dick.

[weirdsimsinhistory]

“speak into my fist microphone instead of eating your pizza!” -worst date ever

[funnyjoke]

Funny Memes. Updated Daily! ⇢ FunnyJoke.tumblr.com 😀

[dumbbitchnumberone]

It's midnight and I just walk of shamed past someone sitting in a tree listening to The Script

The walk feels simultaneously less and more shameful now

[wertdifferenz]

2/23 TV Show of choice (Brooklyn Nine-Nine)

Honestly? Keith should have known that Lance would go all out.

When it comes to catching criminals, bets, and claiming his win, Lance tends to summon up more energy than a field of solar panels and a bunch of kids on a birthday party together. He tends to think like a kid as well, so that‘s that.

Keith didn‘t know why he expected Lance‘s proclaimed „worst date ever“ to go any different than this.

It started in the afternoon when Lance gave Keith his outfit for the night, a fire red suit with matching bow tie and a baby blue scrunchy to tie his hair in a pony tail. Meeting point was the precincts usual bar of course, and since it‘s a Friday, almost every person Keith knows was there.

Lance made his big entrance with a mariachi band and a white rose that he stuck on Keith‘s suit, greeting the rest of the precinct with his usual stupid grin before whisking Keith away in a black limo that brought them to their first stop: a cuban restaurant.

From the look of it the owners of the restaurant were in the plan as well, because they didn‘t mention Keith‘s bright red suit or the baby blue suit Lance choose for himself, and served them without any problem. Only when Lance tried to order the check and got waved off instead, Keith noticed the bright blue eyes from almost every worker in this restaurant, the same color his ‚date‘ has.

Back in the limo Lance revealed that this was his parents restaurant, and that he promised them to show them the result of the bet if he won. To say that Keith was annoyed that not only the whole precinct, but Lance‘s family saw him in this stupid get up as well is an understatement.

With his typical frown Keith even endured the next part of the date. Lance brought them to a club that was packed with old people slow dancing together. Of course, Lance even knew people in this place, greeting half of the dancers and a few, less older people at the bar with enthusiasm, and introducing Keith to almost all of them as well.

When Lance pulled him onto the dance floor to slow dance to some Elvis Presley song, Keith couldn‘t help himself but ask.

„How do you know all those people here?“

Lance laughed quietly, his eyes roaming over the dance floor. „My abuela loves this place, and since my abuelo died, I‘m the one taking her dancing every week.“

This was… actually pretty cute, if you ask Keith. He knew already that Lance loves his family even more than catching criminals or winning bets against Keith, but to learn that Lance would go out his way to take his grandmother out to dance every week sparks a few, small bubbly feelings in his chest.

He tries to ignore them, tries to keep on frowning, but when the song shifts to something latino and Lance spins them over the dance floor with loud laughs and sparkling eyes, Keith can‘t help but smile as well. Suit or not, and humiliation or not, this is actually a little bit fun.

Keith is almost disappointed when they get a call from Captain Shiro about a lead from a case Keith and Lance are working on together.

„Aw man,“ Lance pouts all the way back to the precinct, fancy limo switched for Lance‘s old Toyota, „too bad that we have to work. I still had some plants for tonight.“

„There was more?“ Keith asks incredulously.

Lance grins slyly, his eyes moving between Keith and the road. „Not much really, just watching the fireworks with some cheap booze and stale chips.“

„Stale chips?“ Keith asks instead of ‚fireworks‘, because that would have been pretty fucking nice as well. He tries to concentrate on the stupid part of this ‚date‘ instead, which will be over anyway as soon as they reach the precinct.

Lance grabs a bag from the corner store near the precinct from his back seat and holds it out for Keith. Inside are two open and very stale bags of chips and the cheapest, warm beer of Brooklyn, as well as a receipts dated to last week.

„You are a horrible person,“ Keith says with a frown, enjoying the way Lance snorts amused before they pull in on the precincts parking lot.

Turns out that Captain Shiro and the night shift guys are the only people in the office, and since no one is familiar with their case, it‘s up to Lance and Keith to do some nighttime-observations on the rooftop near a popular underground bar.

Shiro doesn‘t even let them get changed, so after grabbing their badges, guns and some equipment for the observation, they are off to the next stop.

„Who would have thought,“ Lance starts after they set up their little observation camp right at the edge of the rooftop, „that our worst-ever-date night would end like this, huh?“

Keith shrugs and takes the binoculars from Lance‘s hand, ignoring the bag of stale chips Lance insisted to take with them. „Honestly, it wasn‘t even that bad.“

Since there is no movement at the bar, Keith puts the binoculars on his lap and faces Lance instead. Lance looks utterly confused, even though the little grin is still on his lips.

„Are you saying that you had fun?“

„I mean,“ Keith starts, hoping that Lance won‘t be able to see his blush under the weak moonlight, „the food was great, the dancing was kind of fun and fireworks sound nice as well. The worst thing was the stupid limo.“

Lance laughs quietly. „I thought you would hate the suit even more.“

„The suit is stupid, but yours is even worse,“ Keith grins.

„Yeah.“ Lance looks down and plucks at the hem of his sleeve. „I had fun, too.“

„I figured,“ Keith says, and fall in with Lance‘s chuckle. „I guess we should do this again, just without the suits. And the limo. And the band!“

Lance raises an eyebrow at him. „Keith Kogane,“ he grins, „are you asking me out on a date?“

„On a normal one, yeah,“ Keith answers, trying to keep his voice light. His eyes move over the rooftops, since he‘s not able to look at Lance right now, or he might do something else like confess his stupid feelings he‘s been harboring for a while, or kiss that stupid grin of Lance‘s face.

„Wow, okay. I accept.“ Lance takes a chip from the bag and pops it into his mouth, chewing loudly while he bumps into Keith‘s shoulder. „But I expect to be wooed of my feet.“

„Yeah, yeah, whatever.“ Keith rolls his eyes and bumps Lance‘s shoulder right back. „Hand over the chips, I‘m getting hungry again.“

Overall, this evening wasn‘t so bad. And Keith really won‘t mind doing this all over again, just to spend some time together with his favorite partner and rival.

***

Thanks for reading! If you liked it, leave a like and follow, or visit my Ko-Fi page!

Stay tuned for the rest of the Klance AU month, and make sure to support the other artists as well!