xavier is not aggressive or angry when he holds you. he’s quiet and unyielding. he’s like a star that slowly pulls you into its core until you can’t move.
right now, he has you pinned flat on your back beneath him. he has been teasing you for over an hour with his fingers, leaving your cunt feeling completely raw, swollen and dripping. your thighs are shaking hard. your whole body is overstimulated from the wait and the feeling is almost too much to bear.
“xavier, stop being mean,” you whine, your voice shaking as you try to nudge him. “i-i can’t just lie here anymore. my legs are shaking. put it in, please?”
xavier does not rush. he looks down at you with those heavy, dazed blue eyes. his soft hair falls over his eyes, making him look all sleepy and gentle. but no. your xavier isn’t always so innocent. and right now he’s tormenting you.
but his hands are clamped tightly around your wrists. he holds them to the bed above your head with effortless strength. you try to pull your hands away, but you can’t move against him.
“you’re too impatient, star,” he murmurs, a small lazy smile touching his lips. “i’m going to ravish you all night. slow down.”
“i don’t want to slow down,” you huff, arching your hips to try to force the issue. “just...just fuck me!”
xavier lets out a soft breathless chuckle, followed by a sigh. he shifts his weight slightly, rubbing the thick wet head of his cock right against your sensitive clit. you let out aa sharp gasp, body jumping from the feeling. but he uses his thighs to lock you completely down.
“look at me,” he commands softly.
“i am looking,” you whimper, tears of frustration blurring your eyes. “i’m l-looking right at you. xav, please...don’t make me wait any longer..”
his eyes glow with a faint, warm light in the dark room. xavier stares down at you with a quiet, deep possessiveness that makes your heart race.
“good girl,” he whispers, gaze softening just a bit. “hold onto me.”
slowly, he sinks his hard cock into your wet warmth. xavier dosen’t slam into you, not like most other nights. instead, tonight, he slides in, inch by inch, letting you feel every part of him. and god, does it feel good. his cock is buried of so perfectly inside you, like he’s meant to be there forever.
“ah! oh...mm,” you gasp, your head hitting the pillow as your eyes go wide. “x-xavier....s-so deep..”
he lets you feel every single bit of him stretching your poor walls to the absolute limit. he goes deeper and deeper, until he’s bottoming out right against your core. his tip hits your cervix and you let out a loud broken main, clamping around his shaft like a vice.
xavier lets out a low groan, heavy and breathless at the tight squeeze of your pussy around him. he buries his face in the side of your neck, inhaling your scent, pressing sloppy kisses. then, he begins to move with a lazy yet hard rhythm.
thrust. thrust. thrust.
his cock starts pounding into your wet folds, the sounds of skin slapping against skin echoing through the room. your toes curl into the sheets as his tip abuses your cervix, the pleasure almost blinding. every time you try to twist or speed up the pace, his grip on your wrists turn to iron. he forces you take his heavy thrusts.
“xavier....nghh—! wait...t-too much!” you sob, pulling weakly at his shoulders. “i’m going to come, c-can’t hold back.”
“then don’t,” xavier pants against your skin. his thumb moves to trace your jawline, holding your face up so you look into his hazy eyes. “you’re so warm. let me feel it. i want you.”
your thighs are shaking, your eyes are rolling back and all you can focus on his the way his cock is hammering against your g spot, threatening to snap the right coil growing in your lower stomach.
“i-i’m coming..!” you scream out against his lips, your fingers digging into his back.
the overwhelming closeness and the steady, slow rubbing drive you completely over the edge. the coil break, and you shatter around his cock.
xavier’s finally breaks. he lets out a low, breathless groan, driving his hips down hard three times to bury his full length. he holds himself deep inside you, a soft golden light radiating from his skin to warm you both as he releases a thick, hot rush of seed deep into your pulsing cunt.
as the waves of pleasure slowly fade, xavier doesn’t pull away. he collapses softly on top of you, careful to shift most of his heavy weight onto his elbows so he doesn’t crush you.
“are you okay?” he asks, his voice incredibly tender as he tucks a damp strand of hair behind your ear. you nod.
he presses a long sweet kiss to your forehead, then another to your lips, tasting himself on you.
he wraps his strong arms securely around your waist, pulling you tightly against his chest as his body finally relaxes. he rolls onto his side, taking you with him so you are completely nestled into his embrace, head resting on his chest.
xavier is a breath of fresh air in more ways than one
a/n: feeling sad and missing xavier so have some comforting fluff :P
you always seem to feel relieved after talking to xavier. his soft voice and gentle eyes help take the weight off your shoulders as you talk to him, even if it isn’t about whatever is bothering you. his reassuring words always seem to land right where they need to, making your heart race slightly in the best way possible. his soft touches and fun anecdotes make you smile until your cheeks hurt.
xavier always manages to coax you out of your home, even on days when you don’t want to. especially on days you don’t want to.
“the weather is really nice, wanna join me on a walk?” he sounds hopeful over the phone, your chest hurts as you pull your blanket tighter around yourself.
“I’m really tired today, sorry xav,” you mumble, tears pricking your eyes as you try to end the conversation quickly.
“that’s okay, we don’t have to walk much. there’s a nice bench under a tree we can sit at?” Xavier’s voice is just as gentle as always as he speaks, a hint of hope still tinging his tone.
“maybe another time? i just don’t feel like it right now,” you reply, “ill text you later, okay?” you say quietly, hanging up before he can question you.
two minutes later there’s a knock on your door, you answer with red rimmed eyes and tear stained cheeks. xavier feels his heart break in his chest as he hands you your favorite candy.
“you know being outside for even 10 minutes helps boost your mood?” his small sheepish smile makes your lips twitch upwards slightly.
the two of you sit together quietly on your balcony, not saying anything as the sun warms up your skin.
“the weather is really nice,” you finally say, eyes shifting around the cityscape as you stare over your balcony, xavier smiles at your words.
xavier smells like fresh laundry. the smell of his laundry detergent and cologne permeate your bedsheets and throw blankets after he’s been over. it makes you miss him even more when he’s not with you.
after a long day you find yourself seeking out his scent, inhaling the lingering smell that is uniquely xavier on his side of your bed. you pout as the hole in your heart isn’t filled, reaching over and sending him an ‘i miss you’ text. he’s by your side in seconds.
you don’t hesitate to throw your arms around him, shoving your face in the crook of his neck and breathing in deeply. he smells like himself, he smells like home. your mind stops racing and your heartbeat settles into a familiar rhythm. your lips turn upwards as they meet his.
“missed you angel eyes,” you whisper, cuddling further into him, letting his entire body engulf you.
“i did too, starlight,” he mumbles back, placing a kiss to the top of your head, strong arms wrapping around you securely.
xavier was your breath of fresh air, always there when you needed him most.
whenever you share a serving of fries with xavier, he never eats the smaller, crunchier ones. he passes them to you instead, and you take them, munching on them happily. you enjoy feeling the crunch when you bite down on them, and they're always more flavorful. you always wonder why he doesn't like them, but you never get around to asking. one night, when you order takeout for dinner, he gets himself some fries with his meal, and he offers to share with you, but you decline - you're not really feeling like fries that evening. you notice that he's not sectioning out his fries like he usually does - he just eats them all indiscriminately, including the small, crunchy ones.
"hey, i thought you didn't like the crunchy ones."
xavier blinks at you. "huh? i do. i like them a lot."
you frown. "then why do you pawn them off to me every time we share fries?"
he grins at you. "because i know you love them. and as much as i like them too, i like seeing you enjoy them more."
Every movement was calculated, your eyes trained on his face as your fist glided up and over the sensitive head of his cock. “Not enough.” He squirms, fingers tugging at the silk tie you used to keep his wrists pinned above his head. Something weak enough for him to break through, and yet he kept himself restrained.
“Please… I wanna cum so bad, my star.” But you let go of his cock entirely. Hard and twitching, the tip a deep, angry red from how many times you’ve teased him. “Xavier.” Your tone was hard, dominating, enough to make his pretty blue eyes pop open. Dazed with pupils blown wide, but he wasn’t far enough.
“I didn’t want to do this, but you leave me no choice.” You slide off of him, a watching panic seep into his features as he starts to stutter about where you’re going. “But if you’re not going to be a good boy and beg like you mean it…” You reach for the closet door, rummaging around until you find the object you require.
“W-wait, no. I-I can beg, I swear I can beg like I mean it. My star, please, oh fuck…” You whirl around, grinning as you present the toy. “Too late, Xavi.” A cock ring, one that he had a love-hate relationship with. “You can’t be a good boy and beg, so you get this.” You straddle him again, smiling as his face flushes a deeper shade of red.
“My star, I-I’ll do better! I swear I can be a g-good boy for you. I’ll beg… please please… oh fuck fuck fuck…” But you’re sliding the toy over his shaft, watching his head toss back as you situate it snuggly around his base.
“See, you just needed a little push.” You nudge the underside of his head with your finger, eyes widening as his hips bucked widely. A soft, incredulous laugh bubbling out of your chest at the sight. “Did you just cum, Xavier?”
“Y-yes! My star, please it hurts… take it off. I’ll be a good boy, just please take it off…”
You didn’t move to take it off, not when you were finally getting what you wanted. “Doesn’t hurt that bad, baby. Just keep talking to me. Maybe I’ll take it off and finally let you properly blow a load. you'd like that a lot, wouldn't you?” The whine that left him almost didn’t sound like Xavier at all. Perfect.
we can’t be friends — xavier x non mc!reader | blurb, angst.
"i would like to not see you anymore, xavier." you say. oh, so gently. oh too loudly. it's the peak of midnight and the two of you are sitting in his car. he's parked outside of your too shaby apartment and the two of you are talking. it feels just like the beginning, but it is nothing but the end. you had to stop this madness.
it's been three weeks after your breakup and it's odd. all the two of you did afterwards, was just this. xavier wouldn't say anything about the cigarette smoke and you'd ignore the fact that his phone wouldn't stop buzzing. it's funny how things are.
"i know you said we could be friends, but i can't do this." he's staring at your chipped nails as you speak. they're black. he should've known something was bitter. you hated dark colors in general. you hated anything that could throw you into a spiral. maybe you were starting to hate him too.
“why not?” xavier asks and he’s reminding himself to breathe.
“xavi" you say quietly and he can’t even look at you. he’ll crumble. fold into his own words. “you know why."
you're still in love with him.
"you're my best friend."
it's the first retaliation. you knew he wasn’t going to make this easy.
"jeremiah's your best friend. you need to be nicer to him." you say playfully, but you haven't looked at him. you can't. xavier owns your soul. truthfully. you had never loved anybody ever like you loved him. what a silly thing. you couldn't look him in the eye. that's exactly the thing that gives you away.
"are you leaving the flower shop?"
that's where the two of you met. you sometimes helped jeremiah. a sweet florist that kept xavier's silly days bright. you were bold, you danced and spun around the shop. he sometimes came over to simply watch you. you had so much... color.
you shake your head, "no. but, if you know i'm there - give me the heads up. i'll leave."
"i don't want to make you uncomfortab-" he tries and he's so sweet that it makes you furious.
"xavier." you say, "i'm still very much in love with you."
"please. you're my best friend." he begs and you wish he'd ask for you back. it'd make this all so much easier. that's why you have to rip the bandaid-
"i'm sorry. you have jer and mc-"
"don't."
"right. of course. it always is with her, right?" you say, so sadly and he feels his heart being stomped on. god. fuck- "i have to go, xavier. i'll see you around."
he doesn't have the strength to stop you. he watches you walk away and you wonder, for a long time -
You jerked your gaze away as soon as it connected with saccharine blue eyes.
It was the third time this week Xavier had caught you staring, and he was starting to get confused. The first time it happened, he had chalked it up to him having something on his face. But three times was too many for coincidence, and he was wracking his brain for answers.
The two of you weren't very close, truth be told. You'd been paired together on missions a few times, but you never offered much in the way of conversation. Not that he was much of a chatter box either, to be fair. But even when he'd see you in the hall at the Association and offer a small smile as greeting, you'd always glance away.
Xavier knew for a fact that Nero's graph of Wanderer sightings was not that interesting. So why were you avoiding him?
All your past interactions flashed through his mind, not too difficult to remember since they were few and far between. He couldn't think of a single instance where he might have offended you. He knew he wasn't a very expressive guy, but surely you didn't take it personally, right?
He brought his gaze up to where you were sat at your desk, head bowed as you diligently worked through your reports. He stood before he could think better of it, crossing the room to stand in front fo your desk.
You glanced up as a shadow overtook your papers, jolting when you realized who was in front of you. "Xavier?" you asked quietly.
He ignrored the satisfaction settling in his chest at hearing you call his name so sweetly. "Have I done something wrong?" His tone was low, eyes fixed on your fidgeting figure through his lashes.
"No…?" you said slowly, uncertainty tinging your voice.
Xavier leaned forward, hands gripping the edges of your desk. "Then why are you avoiding me?" Though he spoke soft and low, his gaze was hard and burning into you. Your eyes widened, mouth open and flailing for an excuse, but Xavier cut you off before you could start. "If you see me in the hallway, you turn the other way. If we get put on the same mission, you request a transfer. If I sit next to you at a meeting, you switch seats with someone." He leaned even closer now. You felt your breath catch. "You look at me everyday, but every time I try to look at you, you disappear. I don't understand what I've done wrong," he murmured
You took a deep breath, glancing uneasily at the other Hunters at the desks around you. "Could we go outside?" you finally asked.
Xavier blinked. "Sure."
You took him by the hand and led him out to the courtyard of the Hunters' Association. You shifted on your feet as the setting sun cast an orange glow over Xavier. He watched you expectantly. "You haven't done anything," you admitted. "It's me, I… I have a big crush on you!" you blurted out. You felt every bit the blushing schoolgirl as you waited for his response, embarrassment leaking in as you braced for what might as well be an attack.
A few beats of silence passed.
"A crush?" he repeated. You nod wordlessly. "On me?" Another nod. "I don't understand."
You groaned internally. Did he really have to drag this out? "Well, I have a crush on your because you're really handsome and smart and strong and—" You stopped yourself, shaking your head. "I just got so shy around you, I tried to avoid you so I wouldn't make a fool of myself," you sighed. "I'm sorry to make you think you did something wrong when I was just being stupid." You frowned.
Xavier looked at you, a small grin growing on his face, small and hidden and beautiful like a warning crescent moon. "You're shy because of me?" He chuckled. Your cheeks burned. "That's adorable."
You gaped at him. "Adorable?" you echoed. "How—"
"All this time I wanted to get close to you, and you were too shy to handle the proximity," he teased.
"Can you blame me for being shy?" you snapped. "You're practically perfect. I don't think there's one thing you're bad at."
He paused. "People tell me I'm a bad cook," he offered. "I'm banned from a few kitchens… I think they're exaggerating, though. I'm not that bad."
You laughed, the sound bubbling out before you should stop it.
Xavier's brows furrowed. "I don't think it's very funny," he muttered.
"I'm sorry!" you said in between laughs. "That was just so cute."
Xavier's ears flushed red, glancing away. You put your hand on his arm, bringing his gaze back to you. "Why don't we go for dinner?" you asked softly.
Xavier perked up. "How about hotpot? My treat." His eyes glinted with mischief. "We can talk about how I'm so handsome and smart and—"
"Stop!" you groaned. "Don't start."
Xavier chuckled, hand entwining with yours. "It's alright," he murmured. "I'd much rather talk about amazing you are, my star."
disso’s notes: hehe xavier teasing reader is cute <3 i feel like its kind of a weak fic though :( this is actually an anon request (LI with a lovesick but shy reader) and i decided to go the crush route. i think this is cute and im trying to get better at writing at xavier. i dont think this is great characterization for him (tbh i dont feel like i get great characterization in the purely fluffy pieces though) but practice makes perfect :)
at first you didn’t know what to think of xavier. he was too mysterious, too quiet … until he wasn’t. the quietness turned into hour long talks. or time which you spent in each others presence without talking. you never had someone who you could be silent with. it made all the talks with him more special. it took you time to fully trust him. but he understood – and kept your trust close to his chest like the most precious treasure.
one night, the two of you sat on his balcony, watching the stars. xavier laughed about something you said … and that was the moment in which it clicked. you looked at him, at his beaming smile, at his beautiful eyes, his melodic laugh in your ears, and you realized: you loved him. you were in love with him.
xavier raised his brows. „what is it?“, he inquired.
heat crept into your cheeks. you avoided his gaze, looking up at the stars again. „nothing.“
he poked your cheek. „tell me.“
you shook your head. „I can’t.“
„you can tell me anything.“
you looked at him again. there was a little wrinkle between his brows, his eyes full of curiosity. your heartbeat fastened. „not this time, I fear.“
hurt crossed his face, only for a split second, but you didn’t like it one bit. your body acted on it’s own – you reached for him, softly grazing the space between his brows, making the worried wrinkle disappear. his eyes took on a look you never saw before: dark and full of promises you didn’t think were possible. heat flooded your whole body.
„don’t look at me like that.“ the words left your lips way too breathless.
he cocked his head to the side. „like what?“
„like … you know exactly how you look at me!“, you exclaimed, gesturing to his whole face and body. xavier grabbed your hand, intertwining your fingers with his. your breath hitched at the sudden contact. his thumb caressed the back of your hand. warmth spread from where his skin touched yours.
„I look like that“, he said, raising your hand to his face and nuzzling it softly. „because I like you.“
your heart skipped a beat. „you do?“
„yes“, he answered matter of factly. „I like you very much.“
you decided to be brave then and there. a moment later you leaned forward and kissed him. it was a small peck, not particularly skilled. but when you leaned back again, xaviers smile was brighter than the whole sky full of stars.
next thing you knew, he was the one kissing you. and he didn’t stop for a long time, drinking all the unspoken words directly from your lips.
synopsis: as much as you show how much the whole incident doesn't make you awkward, it does, and it's killing you that he's sitting beside you like you didn't just get off thinking of him fucking you like some kind of freak. maybe you'll consider changing to a different complex before he even gets to figure it out. you'll take it with you to the grave if it means necessary. you shudder at the thought of the consequences, and yet it dawns on you once more that you'll be living with this man for a long while before one of you moves out. [read on ao3.]
pairing: shen xinghui (xavier) x afab!reader
length: 3.8k words
tags: alternate universe, roommates au, roommates to lovers, no evol abilities, 18+ MDNI, smut, explicit sexual content, plot what plot/porn without plot, porn with feelings, accidental voyeurism, masturbation, vaginal fingering, dirty thoughts, fantasizing, grinding, kissing, rough sex, vaginal sex, penis in vagina sex, spanking, dirty talk, creampie, the sex is all in reader's head, reader is self-indulgent, eventual smut
next part ›
this containts 18+ content, minors do not interact.
xavier.
sure, he's totally handsome. from his soft, youthful face that gives the vibes of a prince from a fantasy game you once played during your teens, and his athletic build with broad shoulders, defined chest, and narrow waistline—he's the depiction of every woman's ideal man. even with the way he speaks, it was almost able to make your legs quiver from the mere low and gentle register of his voice.
the way he behaves inside your shared apartment. in the first few months of living together, you find his innocence, cuteness, sometimes playfulness with subtle friskiness or a combination of all so attractive that you slowly and surely develop a teeny-tiny crush on him.
your heart trembles for him in every big or small gesture that you deeply adore about him. the more he's willing to help you with whatever chores and errands around the apartment, the more he smiles or laughs as he leans towards your frame during deep conversations at night on the terrace—you can't handle the somersaults and sparks that your heart keeps doing.
and maybe you realize, it isn't just a teeny-tiny crush anymore.
then work came.
the inevitable idea of not seeing each other anymore 24/7. every morning you wake up and go to work, and go back home with exhaustion and pass out on your bed. sometimes you can't even remember making your way to your bedroom whenever you pass out in the living room, only to find out xavier is the one carrying you to your bedroom when he brought the topic up during lunch on a weekend.
xavier happens to have a more flexible working schedule than you. when you come back from your workplace, he's already there before you. either you arrive at the apartment to dinner waiting on the table, or you arrive to find him making dinner. on some occasions, rarely, when you're earlier than him, you make sure to do the same, so it doesn't get too one-sided.
until one night came, work was hectic that night that you had to shut your phone so you don't get any distractions from anyone messaging you, unaware of the messages coming from xavier you didn't see on that same night, telling you to eat dinner outside since he couldn't prepare at the apartment. after finishing up paperwork around nine in the evening, you didn't even bother opening your phone again. and because you're too tired to reach your phone from your bag, you accidentally walk into something you shouldn't have witnessed.
the apartment is dark, except for the lights coming from xavier's room that seep through the crack under the door. your face burns in shock when the groans from the other side of the room register in your ears. the sound of his short breaths as he is at the point of falling over.
you don't remember how long you were standing at the main entrance before dragging yourself to your bedroom quietly, having no idea what just happened.
maybe he had a stressful day at work? or something had kept him up that whatever he did was a way to give him relief?
what the hell are you saying?
the more you try to sleep it off, the more your mind wanders to the sounds that escaped his lips. the way he'll lean back on the foot of the bed with one hand gripping the white sheets beside him while the other pumps his cock, desperately catching up to his release with pre-cum already slipping out and spilling from the slit of the head. it drips down around his length and hand, an electric shockwave taking over his body before going still.
you mentally punch yourself in the face. that's not the right thought process that should have gone through.
you try shaking the thought off, but it's already too late when you happen to feel the ache blooming below your stomach. your skin burns at the thought of your roommate carefully slipping between your wet folds. your face flushes and your forehead stains with your sweat as you visualize yourself under that man.
his innocent demeanor completely absent. he looks down at you with no light in his eyes as his large hands fly to your bare skin, touching you everywhere, and his lips pressing sloppy wet kisses on yours.
"fuck." you whimper, imagining his cock burying inside you while setting a brutal and passionate pace of his hips rolling against yours. you imagine wantonly crying out from every thrust of his hips, digging your nails into his back until the scratches burn his skin. you can't help but slowly move your hand down to push your pants down to your ankles before it slips into your underwear.
the soundproofing of the complex is great, and it's what your grandmother recommended before you moved to live here. however, the walls are not that thick inside the apartment, meaning that if one listens carefully, they'd definitely hear whatever is happening on the other side.
remembering that you're just a room away from him, you silence yourself with a palm over your mouth to conceal the noise eliciting from you. you push your underwear farther to the side, feeling the cool air inside your bedroom blowing your exposed skin. the coldness of your fingers meets with your folds that glisten with your wetness, before you push the pads of your fingers as you drag them in a steady circular motion.
within moments, you sink into your indulgence. your breath hitches, biting back a moan as silently as possible while pushing two fingers in and out of you. you close your eyes, the squelches of your digits make you wish how it was xavier's dick thrusting in you with fervor. it's not enough, and you wish the real thing were inside you, taking you. the thought turns you on even more.
"xavier—" you imagine him wanting you to lie on your back as he pounds on you hard, hard that it makes you gasp and leaves you breathless. you want him to spit at you, telling you that you're a naughty girl who touches herself at the thought of him jerking off. you want him to smack your ass so that you moan his name to do it again. you wish that he's murmuring all the nastiest things to your ears, telling you that you feel so good around him, that you're his, and that only he gets to fuck you this good.
something builds up inside you, like a tidal wave is about to crash at any moment. you curl them deeper inside, and you arch your back, losing yourself in your own filthy pleasure that is evident from the way your chest heaves faster erratically, your legs spreading wider, your toes curling, and your hips bucking upwards.
you return to the fantasy of him fucking you with absolute zeal. the way his hips accelerate at a much faster pace than before, and his hot breath fanning your neck, makes you feel dizzy. the way you want to feel his hips stutter as his cum releases inside you until you pass out together. your vision blurs, tears pooling in your eyes in ecstasy.
the incoherent and shaking noises coming out of your lips become a manifestation that the torrent is almost about to arrive, and you frantically quicken the pace of your fingers until something crashes within you. time slows down in a matter of seconds, and trails of unending shockwaves send down your limbs and nerves.
you take a few moments to catch your breath as you stare at the ceiling. you cover your fingers with your wetness as you pull them up to look at it. you dirty the sheets with your orgasm, and now your senses begin to be hyper-aware of your surroundings.
it dawns on you what you've done. you pull yourself up from the mattress to cover your face and utter a muffled scream. you got off to him getting off, and the mere fact that your dirty thoughts pushed past your ego is enough to make you feel absolutely embarrassed.
the apartment has also gone suspiciously quiet after a while. did he hear you? maybe you breathed too loudly? or the bed creaked too much?
your feet have gone ten times lighter when you tiptoe your way to your bedroom door to take a peek outside, the noise coming from his room has died down, and the light that seeps through has dimmed.
you retreat to lie on your bed, tossing and turning for the next few hours. not an ounce of deep slumber has taken over you. from the dark of night, it slowly turns into a shade of blue-orange. the sun shines through your curtains and paints the walls and floor with a hue of brightness. as for you, dark eye bags appear below your eyes, hoping for your boss to maybe give you a day off for only this day, just so you get a good rest.
there's no doubt that she won't give you one, so you sigh, having no choice but to attend another boring work day with all the paperwork you'll have to deal with later.
you drag your body to rinse your face at your connected bathroom before coming out to find xavier making coffee in the kitchen.
okay, calm down. leave whatever happened last night and stay composed.
"good morning. i didn't hear you coming back last night." xavier greets, pouring the hot water into two mugs as he mixes it with a teaspoon. your heart drops in an instant. his eyes fall on you when he turns around, waiting for you to respond.
the sound of the background music of the kahoot plays in your head while you envision two options floating above his head of whether to just confess your sins and crimes before this man or run away from him this second.
confess, you freak! your internal demon voice yells in your ear. no, don't! your internal wailing voice yells in your other ear.
"oh, good morning." with a wave of your hand, you yawn as you move towards the table and take a seat at the far end. "i saw your messages and ate outside. i also walked for a while at the park near the complex before coming back. i think it was around 11? i can't even remember anymore."
no. you masturbated to him masturbating last night. but you're not gonna tell him that. you're never gonna tell a single soul of it. that's the last thing you want to say to him or anyone.
smooth liar, you also thought to yourself. you notice xavier's lips curving before turning back to the counter, still preparing the coffees. as he does, you stare at his back. broad back covered in a black tee, and strong legs wrapped in gray sweatpants.
an imagination flashes in your head of him bending you over that counter, taking you from behind.
you swear you're gonna die right here, right now.
the thought bubble pops when xavier places the mug down on the table before handing it to you. the coffee's steam ascends to your face, and you inhale the scent of the coffee beans mixed with milk and sugar. "thanks, but i didn't get any sleep last night."
"no wonder your eyes are all red. should i get you water instead?" he's about to walk over to the fridge when you stop him. "no, it's okay, actually. i have work today after all. my boss will kill me if she sees me sleeping at work." the response makes xavier chuckle, moving the chair to sit down beside you. the proximity holds you in a chokehold, and you feel your heart's about to drop to your ass at any moment.
as much as you show how much the whole incident doesn't make you awkward, it does, and it's killing you that he's sitting beside you like you didn't just get off thinking of him fucking you like some kind of freak.
maybe you'll consider changing to a different complex before he even gets to figure it out. you'll take it with you to the grave if it means necessary. you shudder at the thought of the consequences, and yet it dawns on you once more that you'll be living with this man for a long while before one of you moves out.
"when do you clock in?" you hear him ask. you turn your head to the clock above the television and see that you still have two hours and thirty minutes to prepare. "before 9, since i still need to get a taxi to get there."
"then i won't take any of your time. i'll be in my room if you need anything." xavier gets up with the mug in his grip and waves his hand in the air, returning to his room and leaving you alone. a big sigh leaves your lips, staring at your coffee that's about to get cold.
another few weeks have passed since the incident, and said incident hasn't left your mind. a guilty pleasure that keeps haunting you when you close your eyes every time the sky darkens. your mind keeps wandering back to that night, and you wish you had opened that door to blow him off, and he takes you there on his bed.
maybe it's your horny thoughts speaking, but you can't stop thinking about it.
you can't stop thinking about xavier.
his presence inside the apartment taunts you. you begin to interpret every move of his actions as something else, something more than what you are to each other. it's not healthy. every time you think of him like this, you feel the aching pressure below, and it's embarrassing that you're feeling this kind of sexual attraction towards a roommate who doesn't even see you in that way.
but you can't help it. you can't help the way your hand dives into your underwear. you can't help the way you push them deep inside that you think of his dick. you can't help the way you feel your orgasm trickling out of you to reach another satisfaction that soon leaves you asking if this is right.
you want him so bad, your desires of wanting him to fuck you rough and hard, your longing for him to hold you in his arms and kiss you.
you're aware that you're the only person in the apartment for the meantime, as xavier had told you beforehand that he'll be out with his colleagues for dinner. that means you can do whatever you want without anyone stopping you, and that includes having to relieve the dampness that you feel between your legs.
it sticks to your underwear as you look to your right to stare at your body pillow. the one that always gives you comfort when sleeping? well, it's about to give you another kind of comfort this time when you ride on it.
you're so lucky you're all alone tonight.
you grab a fistful of the fabric as you swing your leg over it, putting your weight on the soft cushion. give an experimental grind, and you let out a soft moan, falling forward with your elbows steadying on the mattress.
god, how you wish he's looking up under you right now. you wish that every grind of your hips is a low, gentle angelic groan coming out of his mouth. you wish that every grind is his hips bucking up against you to match your energy with his hands gripping tightly on your waist. it makes you throb against the pillow.
this dirty fantasizing turns into a habit you didn't expect to become hooked on. all the wishes of him doing and saying the filthiest things to you is something you didn't expect to become addicted to. you feel so guilty, but in the end, it makes you the most satisfied person in the world.
just as your climax is about to climb up to its peak, there's a knock on your door outside.
shit.
your heart's at your throat, and you immediately pull yourself away from the pillow with an almost silent huff. is he already home? how? how come you didn't hear the door open? maybe that's karma for you, but fuck. there's no way you're opening that door. there's no way you're gonna face him and look him in the eye without acting like everything's normal.
xavier's voice emerges from the other side, calling for your name. it's almost as if he's concerned, as if something happened with you.
yeah, he denied your orgasm, that's what happened! but you don't want to complain to his face about that.
you scurry over to the door to open it ajar while you hold onto the handle tightly. you find him standing there wearing a black blouse and slacks, his expression clearly a face of worry. "xavier? i-i thought you'd be out for a while."
there comes a stutter in your voice. you can't give yourself away now. a lump leaves your throat as you wait for him this time to respond to you.
"sorry if i came back early. i brought take-out since i found out my colleagues planned to go to a nightclub." xavier explains with a hand on his nape, then gestures towards the table where he had already set and prepared the food. "i… didn't want to come along, so i dipped and grabbed take-out instead."
this only proves that he's been here quite some time while you were in your bedroom humping on your pillow like some rabbit on heat. why didn't you hear him from outside? you're so lost in your pleasure that you didn't hear the door open nor him preparing the table. "a-ah… really? color me surprised, then, it's a relief you didn't go. but you're gonna have to wait a bit, i just need to go to the bathroom to freshen up."
"yeah," he breathes out. "no problem."
he looms over your figure, looking down on you with an expression you're sure you saw flicker for a second. since you already excused yourself, you try to close the door to give some privacy to compose and groom yourself before a hand—his hand stops the door from fully closing, and you swallow. hard. you're done for, and there's nothing to get out of this alive. his eyes find yours in the darkness of your room as you both stare at each other for a few seconds.
then his mouth opens, "were you doing something earlier? i heard a lot of…breathing inside."
an arrow shoots down at you. sadly, it's not enough to kill you on the spot, and you wish it did.
also, for a man who respects boundaries, this is the first time he has shown curiosity about what you do in your room. "n-no—i mean yes, i was…i was just exercising." you ramble. with the way you're under pressure, it’s flustering you, rambling to say the first thing that comes to your mind. you know too well he won't believe you, especially that you're in your pajamas.
"…in your pajamas?" it raises his suspicion that something isn't right. the uncertainty in his eyes lingers under the tense atmosphere between you. he already caught you in your lie. "you weren't exercising, were you?" he sees right into the plot hole, and you curse yourself internally.
may the heavens above take you here and now.
playing pretend won't help you, no matter how hard you try to look reasonable in front of him. it's obvious with the way you can't hold your gaze straight, the way your voice falters, and the way your sweat flushes your skin. you've been caught, and you need to tell him the truth. confess, you freak! your demon voice returns to yell in your ears once more before it disappears again, leaving you all alone to handle what's next to come.
"i-if i said yes, will you stop bugging me about it? of course, i was doing something else. you…you just caught me in the middle of something, so if you'll excuse me—"
you try to move his hand away, and the sudden push of the door towards you startles you, stumbling backward.
"i didn't say you can close the door on me."
you watch something switch in him. his voice is still gentle, yet the way he moves is someone else. and not gonna lie, it was slightly turning you on. xavier takes a step towards you, one at a time, towering over your figure until you feel the back of your knees hitting the bed and fall behind, your butt landing on the soft mattress.
"x-xavier, what's going on with you—"
"tell me what you were doing." he cages you in between his legs as he looks down at you with an intent to divulge your secrets. it's the first time you're watching him becoming into another man in real time. it's neither playful nor tender. that innocent demeanor shifts into something darker, and you cannot seem to gather your words in front of him.
"x-xavier, for…for a man like you, you shouldn't be i-insistent on knowing what i do behind…closed doors."
"and you think i don't know what you do behind closed doors? you think i didn't hear you touching yourself, thinking about me that night? the following nights? you tried so hard to keep quiet, but the second that mouth of yours betrays you, i—i tried to be the good man here, but the way you say my name that you want me…it's driving me insane. you drive me insane. now you can't look at me because i already knew from the very beginning."
how his words silence you in a matter of seconds that you can't even look at him anymore. your face is red with embarrassment and humiliation, yet the adrenaline creeps up in your nerves with the anticipation and idea that fantasy and reality are finally merging together. the xavier you’re fantasizing slowly mirrors the xavier in front of you. his fingers capture your chin, lifting it up to lock your eyes in his.
the light in his eyes is gone.
it's undressing you bare, and you feel fire igniting straight to your core.
never mind moving out if he finds out.
you want him so bad.
"show me how you did it."
"w-what—"
"touch yourself for me."
he pulls his hand away from you, moving away to walk to your vanity table. he grabs the chair away from the table and places it in front of your bed before taking a seat on it. his arms cross against his chest as he stares at you with hunger in his eyes.
"come on, you don't want your audience to wait, am i right?"
