rebrands this entire au because the entire freaking EP works and!!! yay!!!
cue super cool intro- RUNDOWN OF GIRL’S NIGHT AU!!!! (previously penny’s cabaret)
(read this and this first if u want- they have some backgrounf info:p )
!!warning for suicide ideation, period-typical homophobia, cheating, reallyyyy bad decisions!!
Of course it starts with drugs /jj Now, pseudophed is roughly about cryptics and stuff of that nature, but right now, it's about Finney's grief.
He sees Robin everywhere. In his sleep, in the world, sometimes just existing like he never left this earth. Finney, without a doubt, always tries to get closer to these visions, but of course, ‘you didn't show.’ Do I think Finney took his drugs and smoked to get away from it all? Possibly, since he did in tbp2. It wouldn't be so completely far off.
It's this song, where Finney realizes, a couple months into his marriage, a week or so after Robin's death, and one full month through Donna's pregnancy that he is in love with Robin. Still- it never stopped when he died. He's been too blind to notice it all these years, to notice the signs before and even during his marriage, and he is devastated, turning to self destruction as a way to sort of 'punish' himself for being so stupid- 'i loved a boy enough i tried to waste away for him'
And so Finney drowns in his grief. He goes out in the night, and sees him among the dark lights of abandoned streets. He fantasizes that Robin is luring him towards him, to die alongside him, be truly together. Finney almost gives in, but he can't bring himself too. Not because he wants to live, God no, but because he can't be that heartless.
Donna is still one month pregnant.
If he leaves her through that, then she'd suffer, and he's so painfully aware that she's already struggling because of his grief, too. He can't leave the woman he swore he'd stay beside forever, even if he didn't love her the way she loves him. Robin will have to wait; Finney will have to hold on a little longer.
Donna figures out that she's been loving Finney since they were younger. Ever since she met him- middle school.
She knows how hard Finney is grieving, and all she wants to do is take that pain from him forever. She wants her Finn to be okay again, happy again. He's been more distant with everything going on, and she knows she can't blame him, but at the same time, she really wants him back. Finney used to smile, hold her, talk to her about things. He doesn't do any of those things anymore. He's a ghost living in an empty shell- she's sometimes convinced he's the one who died instead.
Now, Donna knows grief. She's been through this before, and she knows how bad it can get; she doesn't want Finney going through it. Not at this rate. She tells herself that if she was able to, she'd fight through hell and heaven to get the Finney she loves back, save him from this fate. Bring him back to how he used to be, with her.
(some of yall probably already know the story, but im changing some things so ill just rewrite a bit lmao)
It's been roughly a year since Robin's death; Finney is still grieving. He's better at hiding it now, but he knows Donna knows he's still wrong. It's obvious in his eyes, his lack of a smile most days, his posture, his words, everything. One night, she tells him to go down to Billie's bar, blow off some steam for a bit. Have fun. She assures him that he doesn't have to drink, but she tells him that she just wants him to loosen up a bit. Finney decides to go because the guilt in Donna's eyes are too much.
So he goes down to the bar (would it b corny if i named it 'girls night') after an hour or so after work. He doesn't expect much, but before he knows it, he sees Robin on that stupidly small stage, singing one of those songs he always loved.
By now, Finney's little mini-visions of Robins were long since gone, only really happening in dreams, so seeing one so... real and there was odd, to say the least. He didn't stop staring, though. He never really could if it was Robin. It felt like all air left his lungs when he saw him up on that stage, singing as he always did, practically glowing as he hit the notes, a melody that would always win against Donna’s. Then, when Robin finishes his song, the other people in the bar... clap? Finney feels a shiver down his spine. Is he back? Real? It was completely impossible- Robin's dead and has been for a while. But God, Finney wanted to believe it.
Robin barely makes it back to the bar to get a drink when Finney gushes over him. He's a bit taller, which was confusing, and his hair was longer and a little brighter at the ends (and braided, who would have known?) but Finney didn't care! His Robin was-
Not Robin. This wasn't Robin.
Some woman named Mustang stared back at him. But... Finney had been so sure. He stared back at her, and after an awkward moment, Mustang decided he was out of his head and offered to get him a drink. Completely disoriented from everything, he found himself nodding along, forcing tears down.
That entire night, they converse- a steady back and forth Finney wasn't used to for a while. Mustang doesn't push about the mishap of her and Robin, and Finney's grateful. She talks loud and boastful, and every time Finney closes his eyes, or drank a little more, he could see him, waving beer around and a stupidly large grin plastered on his face. And despite it all- knowing that this woman wasn't and never would be his Robin, Finney leaned into it, into her. If he could take away a few things- Robin wasn't usually one for cowboy attire, and he didn't have freckles, or eyes in that shade- then it was almost like he was really talking to him. Just some minor adjustments.
From that night on, Finney visited that bar almost every night. Donna was glad he was getting out of the house more (never completely intoxicated, too), and Finney got to see him again. It was a win-win situation for the both of them, really.
(That's what he told himself, at least. Donna's smiles about him getting out of the house? Lies. He always left without another word, and because he got home so late, she was left to take care of their baby on her own through long nights.)
This bar-frequenting went on for a while before one particular night- a month or maybe more after the first one. The bar was basically empty by now, and Finney and Mustang were the only ones left there. They might have drunk a little too much, but it was really Mustang's fault- she was stressed with work and just wanted to forget it all. Finney's vision blurred a bit too much that night; he could see Robin right in front of him so clearly, and with alcohol removing his common sense, he couldn't help but spill. About everything.
He goes on about how he's realizing that he was in love with Robin since forever, and that Donna was simply a short phase that he forced himself to continue when she showed interest back. He rambles about how he misses him, and the way he always knew what to do. Mustang, also drunk, doesn't know how to react. She sits and listens though, since Finney seems really into it, and she can't help but feel a little bad, even though she feels off about Finney talking to her like she was someone else.
Then Finney does something unthinkable. He kisses his Robin, pulling him in like he could come back if he tugged hard enough. It's drunk, and it's stupid. so stupid.
Mustang kicks him off once she registers everything, and because what the fuck, then she yells at him. Finney, quickly realizing this mistake, feels a wave of dread fill him. He's still for a moment before Mustang eventually stops yelling when she sees his face. As soon as her voice dies down, Finney makes a run for it.
Now, Billie (who had been in the back cleaning some stuff- she trusts Finney and Mustang enough to be alone), had caught sight of the kiss- how desperate Finney had seemed, and how he had pulled for intimacy. She quickly fled the scene before she could see anything else, thoughts rushing through her head. She always knew Mustang sort of looked like Robin, and that her and Finney had been really close, so her mind jumped to conclusions that this must have been a frequent thing. She waited for the next day to tell Donna when Finney was gone.
The next day, when Finney's gone from work, Billie tells Donna about everything she saw, and everything she thinks that's been going on. Donna is rightfully horrified. The man she's spent so much time loving, caring for, being patient with despite the hardships he's been giving her, has been really going out every night to cheat on her?
A sudden disdain for this other woman starts to grow before she can stop herself. What does she have that Donna doesn't? Donna's done everything! She's a gentle, obedient housewife who follows everything to a degree. She raises their son without him every day, and she doesn't push too much. What is she doing wrong? How are her songs better?
That night, Finney comes home, and Donna erupts at him before he could leave again. She tells him she knows everything; that Billie told her everything she needs to know. Quickly, Finney tries to tell her that, no, this wasn't a frequent thing, and that he didn't mean for any of it to happen, but Donna doesn't believe him. She can't believe anything he says now- not after such a betrayal. He offers to stay that night, help watch over Robbie now that he's realizing the stress he's been putting on Donna with his absence. Donna gives in and lets him.
They continue this silent agreement for a week, with Finney helping around the house (finally) and the baby, but he pain towards the other woman still grows more and more. Finally, she decides she has to meet her, and with Billie's help, she leaves Finney and Robbie alone and meets Billie at the bar. She sends her out to the Other Woman's direction- out in the back, probably smoking. Donna doesn't waste a second, despite not even being sure about what she's going to say to her.
And then she opens the door to the back alleyway, and sees her. And then she gets it.
Donna never missed the way Robin looked at Finney, always like he hung the stars. At first, she assumed they were just close friends like that- she wouldn't know what those were like, anyway. Now, she's realizing, those were not friendship stares after all.
Finney cheated on her with someone who looked like Robin. That wasn't a coincidence at all.
Before she could get a word out, Donna cries. She knows it's pathetic; this woman doesn't even know who she is, for God's sake. But Donna can't help it. Not when her husband is chasing ghosts in cowboy hats.
Mustang instantly reaches out to help, despite not knowing who this woman is. Donna then comes clean that she's Finney's wife, and the mother of his baby. Mustang freezes. Finney never mentioned a wife. Or a kid.
Donna cries some more, and Mustang tries her best to comfort her, but it's ultimately rendered pretty useless. They manage to talk for a bit, Mustang swearing that it was solely a one time thing, and that she was never interested in Finney like that, but Donna isn't sure if she can trust either of them. She decides to for the night, and after a couple long hours of just talking with the other woman, she finds herself drifting off. Feeling awful for the woman, Mustang decides to drop her off home. There, she gets a word in with Finney; she tells him how much he's fucked up. He agrees with her, never looking her in the face as he shuts the door. They never see each other again.
As time passes, the weight of everything weighs on Donna. She still feels bitter about Mustang, but not in a hateful way anymore- not entirely. She just wished Finney loved her that way, even if it wasn't entirely Mustang he was loving. Being built in a world that glorified being a good wife and serving a husband, Donna feels obliged to fill the role. But how can she do that if Finney won't let her? Yes, he was more present now (just ever so slightly, though), but what did it matter if he won’t look at her?
She finds herself back at the bar, instinctively walking towards Mustang without fully figuring out why yet. Then the words slip out- she asks how she can be likeable for Finney. How to make him love her again. Mustang almost spits out her drink, but Donna is insistent. What's her place in this society if she can't please someone who won't take it?
Mustang is quick to tell her not to give into that bullshit. She tells her that she's allowed to be her own person, and who cared if she wasn't good to Finney? Loyal? Obedient? She shouldn't centre her life around someone who didn't want to be the main attraction. Donna tries to argue back at first before she decides to take the advice to heart. She says she'll think about it, and Mustang smiles. They both leave somewhat satisfied.
After then, Mustang and Donna seem to run into each other quite a lot- like fate itself orchestrated it. They meet on the street, in stores, parks, even in the bar whenever Donna decides to maybe check in. After that one night, they slowly found a sort of comfort in each other, even despite the weird relations and first meetings.
If they both had to be honest, they both gave each other what they both really needed- true recognition. Donna was never seen at home, even with Finney's attempts at being a better husband and father; Mustang could only be seen for what she was mostly capable of- strength, a second hand, danger. There were some rumours around the city, about her being a lesbian (they’re true, but it’s dangerous to be having those things being said about you in the 60s), but it was only really small gossip. So far, at least. Still, she kept a low-profile that Donna always saw under.
Months after their first meeting, they start a relationship.
Donna knows it's wrong to do this to Finney, that God, she's doing the same thing he did to her, but Finney doesn't care about her. What would it matter if she cheated? She just wanted to be seen for once, why couldn't she have that? Mustang knew her, listened to her, made her feel better, confident, happy. Finney never did that.
It all came crashing, though. One day, (a couple months later now, around a year since they first met) when Donna and Mustang were at Donna's- watching over a growing Robbie, a knock came at the door. When Donna answered, one of her 'friends' appeared out of the blue. Why she came, Donna will never figure out, because as soon as she let her in, the friend froze at the sight of Mustang.
Immediately, she accuses her of tricking Donna, using her, manipulating her to do what she wanted. Donna tells her they were just friends that were hanging out, but the friend knows. Knows about the rumours, knows what this looks like. She then accuses Donna of being like her- a lesbian. Donna doesn't know what to say; she's frozen in fear of what the friend might do. Thankfully, she doesn't yell, but she makes a deal with Donna: Take Mustang out of her life, or she'll tell Finney and the cops what's been going on. She leaves after that.
Donna tries to come up with solutions automatically. She begs Mustang to let them both run away, go to another country, even. They'll run away and be so happy and in love until the end of time, and nothing will touch them. But Mustang knows it's flawed. Donna has people to take care of; the cops will find them somehow, maybe hurt them, too.
Mustang tells her this, but Donna doesn't know how to take it. Sensing this, Mustang makes a deal to spend the rest of the day together- one last date before their worlds crash.
Mustang mourns. Everything.
In that final day, she places the blame on herself- if she hadn't been in the room when that friend showed up, if she didn't pursue a relationship with Donna, if she didn't talk to Finney after that first night that started this all. Things wouldn't have been different. Donna would be okay, and maybe she would have, too.
But that's not how things can go- not in this life.
She tries fixing it with dumb metaphors and poems in her head, like that would change everything, how she felt. It makes her feel worse, though. During the day, she and Donna go around, make new memories that Mustang knows will haunt her forever. They visit places and buy things that she knows will take her back to those very moments in the future. She hates the ache it gives her, but she can't help it.
This was the future she had in mind. It's her fault that she can't live through it, so why should she be complaining? Donna was way out of her league in the first place anyway; maybe this was the way God gave her a sucker punch for feeling this way, doing these things with a married woman. She knew it was a bit wrong from the beginning- maybe she should have given in then. Save the pain now.
But this pain is inevitable. She can't risk Donna or her baby to be hurt because of her. In the end of the day, Mustang would rather cry every night, than to stay with Donna and watch her life fall apart because of one simple mistake.
They end off the day at the bar- it's become something of their safe place, kind of. Mustang sings a bit, they drink, they laugh, they forget for a moment. It's here, that Donna finally gives in to Billie's constant pleas to play for the bar, since they do have a piano.
And so, even though she's a little dizzy from some of the alcohol, she gets on that stool, spreads her fingers, and starts playing a song she wrote herself a while ago that was never really done to her, not good enough yet. It didn't matter to her now though; she had to get this song out before Mustang left.
(pleaseee listen 2 runaway guys please... lore purposes... pleaseeee)
Mustang had long since gone, and now Donna's all alone again.
But because she has to, she tries to find a way to make it all better for herself, for Finney, for their children.
She looks at Finney and sees flaw after flaw; mistake after mistake, and despite hating him deeply for each one, she tells herself that she loves him. That's why they're married, is it not? She forces herself back into the little role of housewife. Follow and obey. The pattern repeats.
She hates him some more, but it's okay. She loves him; she always will. It's not his fault he's this way, not his fault she lost the true love of her life- they'll get through it! Just like how they did when they were younger, right? Planets hit planets; still the sky remains. If the universe could do such a thing, then they could, too. They'll get through it! They had to.
But as Donna's burying herself in these stupid affirmations, Finney takes a more... outward approach to it all. Honest and simple.
Don't get him wrong, he'll still care for her, take care of the kids, kiss her goodnight, eat her food, but fuck, he hates her. He hates how she got in the way of him and Robin, that she always seemed to notice things before he did sometimes. He hates how she married him; he hates how he agreed to it, too. He hates how she stood in the way of him finally being with Robin in the afterlife- if she wasn't pregnant, he wouldn't be miserable. He’d be with him. He’d be happy. But now here they were: two kids and responsibilities.
He can't just leave- he's not cruel. Has he thought about it? Every night, of course, but he doesn't want to leave his children the same way his mother left him and his younger sister. Yes, they were older by the time she killed herself (think tbp2) so they could sort of handle it, but by now, their youngest was just starting school! Four (or... five? Finney didn't know anymore) years old, has it seriously been that long?
Leaving them like that would be awful. He couldn't do that. But he also couldn't divorce Donna, despite everything going on. By now, her constant affections and stupid affirmations had wore off, and it was nothing but a shell. He was too much of a coward to leave her- to bring it up despite the obvious truths. He knew she also hated him, deep down those layers of yearning for someone else. And he knew he didn't particularly hate her, deep down his own layers of yearning.
Their kids grow up to hate them; they're both aware of that. They move out and they never see them again. They live out the rest of their lives miserable and depressed, the knowledge that maybe it could have gone differently haunting them as they rest their heads one final time.
They die a perfect, suburban, straight couple.
