Oh boy.
It's like you've been begging me to admit this since she went away. Because it's not the first time I've gotten this remark...even sent to me in my asks.
And it's always going to be the same answer.
Listen, I get it. But she wasn't some monster that force fed me dope and made me some broken down human being that couldn't make my own decisions.
I came to her as a broken person. I was already a functioning alcoholic. I asked her to move in with me. I paid for her to get out of jail. I chose to make the decisions I did, and I chose to invest thousands of dollars into the drug dealing profession that I became VERY good at. I went on the final run that would almost end my life. I chose to tuck the shit in my vagina. I chose to not take it out when I could have been dying, to save my own ass from prison.
She was a meth addict. I knew this going into the relationship. I had no rose colored glasses on for that. She loved me in whatever capacity that she could. However, it wasnt the sort of love that would ever be entirely healthy.
Was it abusive? No.
Were we codependent and trapped in our own cycle of addiction and toxic behaviors? Yes.
Will I ever make her out to be the bad guy in all of this? Fuck no.
Why? Because in the end, she is a fucked up human being no better or worse than myself. Shit happens. We all make decisions we shouldn't or that could possibly end our lives or relationships or whatever. . .
I'm not gonna ever blame her when she was the one who moved into my toxic world and helped me get away from the worst place I had been mentally. You dont get it, but I was so close to killing myself before I went to work at that cafe...Karas may not have been "good" for me, but she definitely wasn't abusive.
