#you can see the quality gradually decrease from left to right

[afkphorabit]

ehh whatever go my crimelings

[wing-ed-thing]

Lab Assistant (Szayelaporro x Reader, Part II)

Synopsis: Szayelaporro takes on a complete Arrancar.

Word Count: 2,180

Tags/Warnings: Fem!Reader, Fake Science, Science Project to Lovers, Slow Burn (Arrancar are solitary and this one’s death aspect is Madness, let’s be real here), Slow Build @blankensee​

Notes: Okay but homeboi is TӦLL. Szayelaporro is 6′1, 6′1 y’all see this? Ooh boy is it getting hot in here? The Thing-Winged series bug has officially kicked in. 

You were the only Fracción that Szayelaporro allowed into his laboratory, but even as you sat on the exam table, you couldn’t help but think that perhaps you had done something wrong. You crossed your ankles and folded your hands in your lap. Szayelaporro sat at his desk, like usual, but penned down the types of notes that he would typically leave for you. A large piece of machinery reached out a mechanical arm to encompass the whole of your hollow mask. Szayelaporro had stood to observe you quite some time ago and you were left to wait, back straight and silent. A series of artificial jewels clung to you kanzashi mask, their glow casting a crimson color over the dimly lit laboratory.

He spoke your name. His soft voice cut through the air, reverberating off of the tall walls and high ceilings. Szayelaporro rose from his seat and turned to you. You could hear a faint bubbling coming from somewhere in the dimness.

“Yes, Master Szayelaporro?” Your voice could have easily blended in with the white noise of the laboratory. He stood in front of you, fiddling with the equipment above your head. His honey colored irises lazily migrated to the corners of his eyes in a disapproving glance downward. You stared forward.

“What is it that we did wrong today?” You pursed your lips but didn’t dare to move otherwise. A phantom hourglass hung over your head. Your response best be good and come quickly.

“I did not receive an order to attack Master Nnoitra. I did not believe it to be wise to.” Szayelaporro let a frown slip from his neutral expression. He continued to tinker with his device. You could feel the cool metal on your mask like dental tools on your teeth. Szayelaporro let out a hum.

“Passing the blame onto me, are you?” The claw of the machine buckled under his firm hands and caused a tugging against your outer layer of bone. You recoiled, a hand tightly gripping the table below you. You squeezed your eyes closed, in more discomfort than in any pain. Your head tilted to your far right as you leaned upwards, attempting to decrease the tension on your mask.

“No, Master Szayelaporro. I apologize for the lack of care that went into choosing my words.” The Octava Espada said nothing. You felt him continue to work the machine above you. You shifted again.

“Stop moving, I’ve almost got it.” And when the data machine finally released you, you restrained yourself from shooting up a hand to rub your head. Instead, you sat still, letting Szayelaporro’s cold hands caress your face as he inspected his work. You could sense another look of dissatisfaction.

“Have they been repaired?” He rolled the largest of your gems between the fingers of his other hand, watching it gleam as he poured in the slightest bit of reiatsu.

“For now,” Szayelaporro answered, “We’ll see how they hold up.” He gripped your chin, turning your head to meet his stare. His expression narrowed. “When I tell you to come to my side, you do as I say. When someone like Nnoitra tries to touch you, you defend yourself. These are my additional orders to you.” You nodded, your jewelry glinting a singular time.

As he turned back to his data, you slid down from the examination table. Your heels met each other. Once again, your hands rested folded in front of you.

“Shall I get back to work now?” Szayelaporro took a moment. He ignored your inquisition and continued to type in some sort of data or another into his recording instrument. He paused, and when you thought that he’d answer, he flipped through yet more papers. You stood a few feet behind him awaiting his answer, and when he finally turned you were met with a withering scowl.

“Must I really dismiss you?” He questioned rhetorically, swiftly passing by you with a few papers in hand. You did not move. “Go restock the canyon crystals and do eat something while you’re away.” You nodded to yourself and gave a quiet farewell to your master. He did not answer, per usual, and you let yourself out of the laboratory. Szayelaporro’s glare followed you. “This better work. I am sick of having disobedient Fracciónes.”

***

Hueco Mundo didn’t hold much beauty. All in all, the landscape was mostly vast, empty, and dead. Szayelaporro didn’t seem like he enjoyed fieldwork very much. You supposed that he would prefer experimenting rather than finding his own minor lab materials. You, on the other hand, preferred spending a bit of time away from the Palace and you were grateful that Szayelaporro trusted you to do even the mundane tasks. Truth be told, you excelled in gathering quality items for the lab. You had an eye for the best spots to pick from. You caught live specimens with an almost sixth sense and your speed remained nearly unmatched in the Octava Espada’s Palace. That factoid on it’s own didn’t feel very impressive to you, but you still took pride in it nonetheless.

You trudged across the sand, a field collection kit in your arms. The whole package easily encompassed the whole of your torso. Your feet sank down into the substrate. Surely by now, the grains had begun to gather in your boots. You stopped where you stood, letting the kit droop in your desperate grasp. You looked back at the Palace which still loomed over you. You had hardly made it anywhere. With a sigh, you turned back the direction you were originally headed. Szayelaporro didn’t like when you took too long.

“Can I help you with that?” As soon as you caught sight of the slender, eye patched face, your eyes went wide. You gripped the bulky kit in your arms, lips forming a thin, panicked line. You slowly turned away before immediately speeding off. A shout came from behind you causing you to trip. “I’m not here to hurt you!”

You yelled out for Szayelaporro. A cloud of sand exploded around you as you fell. A dark shadow appeared above you and you launched your equipment up in defense. Your pursuer caught the kit in his arms, his body forced back the slightest bit at the impact.

“Stay back!” You warned, scrambling up and unsheathing your zanpakutō. The fragments in your mask glowed a deep red. Tesla raised up your box in defense, his sword hanging by his hip.

“Master Nnoitra isn’t with me!” You blinked a few times, lowering your weapon slightly, but not by much. Tesla shifted his hands, maneuvering them forward to lay flatly on the sides of the container. He held it away from himself as he lowered his posture, a silent effort to show that he meant no harm. “You looked like you could use a hand. What is this all for?”

Your knuckles turned white around your trembling sword handle. Tesla remained low, calm and still. You took a step back, sheathing your zanpakutō. You tentatively approached, letting Tesla return your equipment to you. The box dropped like a weight in your arms.

“I’ve been sent to collect canyon crystals,” You answered, picking up your knee to readjust your grip before you turned on your heel to trudge away. Tesla frowned. He followed, strolling alongside you. Your back bent backwards a bit.

Wordlessly, Tesla accompanied you all the way to the canyon, about a few miles out from the Palace. He remained eerily silent, but in his defense, so did you. Fracciónes serving under masters such as yours were discouraged from speaking early on, so smalltalk certainly didn’t come easily. You kept a close eye on the other Arrancar out of your peripheral, but his posture only screamed polite and nothing more. Another fold of your lips and you turned your attention back forward. Quite frankly, you didn’t know how to handle this. You rarely got the opportunity to be in the company of other complete Arrancar, not including Szayelaporro.

At the edge of the ravine, the kit slipped in your arms and Tesla instinctively reached out an arm to catch it if you lost your grasp. You paid him no mind and instead hiked up a knee once again and continued on. You tilted your head, focusing on your footing as you descended into the chasm. Even at the surface, the space was dark and hollows of different designations howled in the depths. Tesla followed you down, his face gradually overtaken with shadows.

And in the pitchest of pitch black you saw them. Small glimmers in the darkness. You stumbled forward, the Fifth Espada’s Fracción close behind. You sat down in front of the small gathering of luminescent crystals and finally set down your burden. Tesla preferred to stand, on guard at the many noises around you. You quickly sorted through the bounty. Upon finding a quality bundle, you opened your materials box to pluck out a small pick. You felt Tesla’s stare. Arrancar were never truly creatures of companionship in your experience, but when solidarity came, it usually came quietly.

“These are Reiatsu Gems or canyon crystals. They are known to be excellent conductors of spirit energy,” You explained, voice ever-soft. The luminescence cast a faint light upon your face. You lowered a specimen into your extraction box, the glow retreating into the contained dimness. Standing, you heaved up your kit and moved deeper into the murk. Tesla followed. You passed by another gathering of crystals, then another. You felt Tesla beside you.

“What was wrong with those?” He asked, equally as quiet as you had just been.

“Not ready to be harvested,” You answered promptly.

“How can you tell?” You stopped at a small batch. The crystals grew diagonally out of the canyon wall at about waist level. You put your kit down and crouched down.

“See these here?” You gestured to the dimmest section of gems. “This place is filled with reiatsu, they should be glowing more.” You directed your attention to the brightest of the bunch. “See? These shine a little bit brighter.” And with your pick you extracted them.

You continued on, trudging around in the immensity of the ravine. You performed your field work diligently. The kit gradually began to fill with valuable specimens. Tesla came forth from the darkness, a glowing coming from his palm. He wordlessly presented it to you to inspect. You gave a grateful nod and carefully placed it in your box.

The journey up served to be more difficult than the journey down and your load had since doubled in weight. Tesla patiently waited as you struggled back up the canyon, at that point still refusing any kind of assistance. You plopped the kit on the sand at the top before pulling yourself up. Your body half hanging into the abyss, Tesla offered you a hand. You glanced at it, then back at him, and after a second of deliberation, you placed your hand in his. But a moment after you had found your footing and had your package back in your arms, a horde of adjuchas surrounded you and quickly.

Tesla scowled and flared his spiritual pressure. You looked up at him, beginning to piece together that his scowl served more as an unfortunate resting expression than any sort of intimidating grimace. Either way, the adjuchas were not discouraged. Tesla placed a hand on his zanpakutō and you sighed. He looked on in confusion at the disappointing shake of your head and curiously accepted your kit as you handed it to him.

“I have orders,” You exhaled, unfortunately not feeling any hungrier than usual. And as the gang of adjuchas lunged, too greedy for flesh and soul energy to recognize their opponents, you struck. Your blade made short work of them and your mask ornaments glowed. You tore into mask after mask, canines bared, and when you made it to the last one, you offered it to Tesla. He wanted to decline, but after some thought, he didn’t have it in him to decline a free meal.

***

“Adequate.” That encompassed all Szayelaporro had to say about the crystals you gathered. You placed them neatly at one of the lab tables as you cleaned and reorganized the field gear. Szayelaporro toyed with your gathered gems, inspecting them with a critical eye. He lifted one to his nose, taking in a slight inhale. “And why does this one smell vaguely like Nnoitra Gilga?”

“His Fracción accompanied me on my field work today.” Szayelaporro stared at you blankly, setting the bundle of crystals back down in disdain.

“You should have told him to go away.”

“And I did. I raised my sword against him like you told me to, but he did not seem to pose any threat. He was particularly interested in the Reiatsu Gems so he followed me.” Szayelaporro nodded once, appearing to be somewhat deep in thought, but his face remained expressionless.

“Let him accompany you next time as well.” The room was cast with a dull gleam.

“Yes, Master Szayelaporro.”

Notes: As much as I feel like Szayelaporro likes to make a show, I feel like he wouldn’t be as flamboyant when he thinks he doesn’t have an audience. I have too many Szayelaporro headcanons. I tried to make a single post with all of them but it’s like too many to fit. I’ll post those at some point. It’s in my drafts rn.

Thank you to all who liked, reblogged, followed and otherwise supported. Your support means so much and is greatly appreciated.

[sweeethinny]

Still Into You

''Pack your bags, we are going to travel on Friday.'' Harry informs her as soon as Ginny enters their house, carrying a good amount of folders and papers that will help her better understand what to write in the next report on fraud in the Quidditch.

‘’Hm… what?’’ She sent everything upstairs, taking off her coat and shoes, with each move followed by Harry, who looks very much like a child who just knew he was going to get a gift.

''Let's travel. I got a portal key for us. Let's go to Tuscany.’’

‘’When did you decide that?’’ Ginny leaned over him on the couch and kissed him, affectionately and with a longing that didn’t even seem like they had lunch together a few hours ago. The silence that followed for the minutes they were clinging like two teenagers, was strange and, at the same time, good. The kids were all at Hogwarts less than a month ago, but they hadn't had quality time to enjoy the silence and privacy they had lost almost 15 years ago.

‘’This afternoon.’’ Harry pulled her onto his lap, his arms around her waist as he spread kisses along the side of her neck, intoxicated with the scent that danced in his nostrils. It had been so long since they had a moment just for them, that Ginny was slow to relax and enjoy the caresses, without fearing that any of the children would invade the room demanding attention.

‘’And what made you schedule a trip to Italy, may I know?’’ She let herself be graced and lying on their soft gray sofa, which they had bought a few years ago, on a trip to Spain. They never got to have sex there, just a few kisses, but today Ginny felt ready not to go up to the room.

''Let's enjoy our time alone,'' Harry said, his head hidden in the curvature of her neck, kissing and nibbling at her skin, while his hands roamed her chest, belly and waist, opening the buttons of the off-white shirt she was wearing it, and taking it out of her pants, to then open the pants that Ginny was wearing. ‘’We’re going to travel, see other places, wake up late… have sex in peace.’’ He smiled when he felt his wife tremble under his hot, heavy body.

‘’I thought you were going to participate in the training of the new Aurors, over the weekend.’’ She reminded him, smiling at the memory of when she snooped on Harry training; sweating, without a shirt, with a red chest and hair. It had been a sight she used a lot, when they spent a lot of time away from each other.

''No, I let Joane deal with them, she has a lot more patience than I have.'' Harry tossed Ginny's shirt away, lowering his head and kissing her freckled bust, both hands wrapped around her breasts hidden by the beige bra, which wasn’t even that pretty, but that Harry seemed amazed at the view.

''For those who have three kids and a godson, you're a guy with little patience.'' Ginny laughed at the tickle when he nibbled her breast gently, taking a hand behind her and undoing it the button with the mastery of someone who has done that for years.

‘’My children don’t give me even a third of the work that the new Aurors do. They are always so dreamy and annoying, and they hate it when I tell them that in real work, it's a lot less field than school makes it seem, and more boring and paperwork.'' He looked up, emerald green eyes the same color as the stone Ginny chose for their wedding ring, shining in her direction, while the  sun bathed their bodies through the huge windows facing the back of the house, where the sunset painted the sky with shades of orange, pink and purple. ''Besides, between staying with more than 50 young people who have just left school, who can barely look me in the eye, stuck in the training shed, stinking of sweat, and being with my lovely wife, having a good wine and enjoying Tuscany... I already have my choice.'' He winked.

‘‘You’re an idiot,’’ She laughed, messing up his hair even more and taking his glasses off Harry’s face, lifting her hips so he could take off her pants more easily. ‘’I’d love to go to Tuscany. Elizabeth can cover my schedule.’’ Ginny would never get used to that look of happiness that Harry gave her every time they agreed to do something kind of stupid. Like when they ran away to get married alone on the beach, or when in the middle of the night, they bought an old, abandoned house near Godric’s Hollow, and started planning what is their home today.

Sometimes they were just two impulsive adults, which explained why their children were impulsive too, most of the time.

After that, the two were more silent, enjoying the sensations of being alone but not yet so used to the idea of ​​being able to make noises. Ignoring the always-regulated dinner time, and letting the night and the starry sky wash over them, while enjoying each other's bits, licking, sucking, making them come.

It was intoxicating how Harry knew exactly what to whisper in her ear, where to put his hand, his mouth, his speed. It was always better than the last time, it seemed that they never stopped getting better and better at what they did, sweating as if they had done the gym at the highest level, without the strength to stand, just lying next to each other, naked, in the dark and almost totally silent house, except for Sir playing in the garden with the new toys that Lily had bought for him before leaving for Hogwarts.

‘’I love you.’’ Ginny said, turning to look at him, running a hand over Harry’s face, which already had some small wrinkles. The beard she liked so much tickled her hand, while he had the best  and disheveled look he had when he trained. But now, it was just for her.

‘’Me too,’’ Harry smiled, kissing her forehead. ‘’Today when I thought about going to Tuscany, I thought about how many times I imagined us living it together. Traveling, raising a family, being adults…’’ He laughed nasally, also turning to look at her, in the same silly passionate way he always did, which made Ginny’s heart melt through her ribs. ‘’I wanted to go back in time and tell that Harry to be patient, that we were going to live it all.’’

‘’But it wouldn’t be funny.’’ Ginny snuggled into his chest, listening to his heart beating at a slightly faster pace, but seeming to gradually decrease. ‘’If you knew what was going to happen, you’d try to do it differently and maybe we wouldn’t end up here. Together.''

‘’You can be right… Do you think we did everything right?’’

‘’Definitely not.’’ She looked at him, smiling in the corner and ignoring the tightness in her chest that those thoughts generated. ‘’But we’re trying every day. James has been behaving better, Albus has managed to be less headstrong like his father,’’ Ginny laughed, ruffling Harry’s hair and wrinkling her nose in a frown. ‘’Lily… well, we don’t know yet, but we haven’t received a complaint yet, which is something to celebrate.’’

‘’And with us? Did we make the right choices?’’

‘’Are you doubting about marrying me, Mr Potter?’’ Harry denied, holding Ginny even more tightly to his chest, closing his eyes and seeming to relax.

''Never. It’s the happiest thing that’s ever happened in my entire existence,‘’ Harry opened his eyes again. ‘’But maybe we could have been more understanding with each other on some points, don’t you think?’’

‘’Any human relationship will have ups and downs, it’s life.’’ This time, it was Ginny who closed her eyes and relaxed against him. ‘’But I wouldn’t change nothing in our history.’’

‘’Not even to make me fall in love with you earlier?’’

‘’Not even for that. I needed that time to understand who I was, who I was not, and who you were.’’ She kissed right on Harry’s heart, now calmer, so relaxed that she could risk sleeping right there.

The two were silent, enjoying each other, holding each other and being bathed in darkness. Ginny felt her body fall into a sleep spiral that seemed so much more serene than anything else, that it was even a little scary. She did not sleep peacefully when the children were in the house, always ready to wake up and help one of the children or stop a fight. It had been years since she had known what silence was.

''Will you marry me?''

''Again?''

‘’Yes.’’ Harry sighed. ‘’This time, I promise to be able to speak my vows without starting to cry.’’

‘’But it was so beautiful.’’ Ginny smiled, kissing his chest again. ‘’Yes. I accept.’’ She didn’t need to look at him, to know that her husband was also smiling.

''Great. Maybe on this honeymoon you can swim naked.’’ They laughed, the memory of the two 22-year-olds, invading their minds.

‘’So I hope.’’

[mcrvellouslystcrk]

Date Moves

Paring: Paul McCartney x Reader

Words: 1941

Rating: T I guess? 

Author’s Note: This is hugely based on that episode of Friends where Rachel and Joey go out on a date when she’s pregnant, although the reader here is not. Also didn’t proofread a lot cause yolo yknow :) 

You were having a really bad week.

 Stumbling in the living room, you could not care less about your dark circles, your tangled hair or the holes in your old jogger pants despite the four men sitting on the sofas.

 “Is there some scotch in this damn place?”

 The boys exchanged some concerned looks as you fell on a nearby armchair. Ringo approached you and tapped your shoulder.

 “What’s going on, love?”

 “Nothing.”

 “There’s obviously something going on.”

 “I said it’s nothing.”

 You hummed softly. Paul got up from the couch and lightened a cigarette.

 “Y/N, why don’t we go out tomorrow evening? I’ll take you someplace nice. These three can’t make it to the movies anyway.”

 You looked up from the pillow you had buried your face in.

 “What?”

 “Hey, it’s Brian you should be attacking, birdie,” John said while poking your side with his toes. “Macca is the only one who’s free tomorrow, and that’s just because he’s a suck-up.”

 You frowned.

 “I’m going to pretend I believe you…but I don’t.”

 “Oh, you know we love you!” George shouted from the kitchen.

 “Yeah, yeah, whatever,” you answered with a small smile. “Paul, you’re my new favorite.”

 Passing by him, you gave him a quick hug before joining George in the kitchen. As soon as you left the room, John hit Paul with a cushion.

 “Oh man, I can’t believe how chicks dig you. We almost could see a drop of sweat running on your temples when you asked her out.”

 “I didn’t ask her out. She thinks we’re just friends,” he added with a painful whine.

 “Mate, that’s just bloody sad. Why don’t you tell her?”

 “Can’t.”

 “Give me ten pounds and I’ll do it for ya.”

 “I’m with you, John, but he’s got to tell her himself,” Ringo intervened. “Why don’t you become your usual, suave you?”

 “Because it’s Y/N we’re talking about!”

 “Yeah, so? You’ve liked her since forever, and I’m sure she-”

 “Who?”

 Their heads turned simultaneously towards the sound of your voice as you were putting on your jacket. John was about to open his mouth but Paul violently pinched him from behind and Ringo slowly moved forward, his boiling cup of tea dangerously tilted over John’s trousers.

 “His aunt Mimi, you know, she was always kind to me and always sends me postcards, and, you know…”

 You hesitantly smiled at them before walking to the door.

 “Call me?” you asked Paul.

 “No need. Be ready at 8.”

__

 You checked yourself for the last time in the mirror near the front door before grabbing your keys and exiting your house. There, on the few steps leading to the sidewalk, was your date, standing still and grinning like a madman.

 “Aw, look at you all dressed up for your best friend,” you exclaimed, giving him a quick peck on the cheek.

 “Anything for my favorite midget.”

 His grin grew wider while he messed up your hair, earning a small shriek from you – this took me half an hour you git! – as you tried to restyle them. You sent him a dirty look but he laughed it off and offered you the bouquet of flowers he was hiding behind his back. Purple tulips. You softened at the sight.

 “So, where shall we go?”

 “I was thinking maybe that place near Carnaby Street, you know, the one with the fancy menu?”

 “Sounds great! But don’t you think we should’ve booked first?”

 Paul shrugged, hands in the pockets of his tuxedo.

 “Already did. Pattie told me you wanted to go there,” he explained to your raised eyebrows.

 You smiled to yourself as you entered the car.

 “Thank you for doing this,” you mumbled.

 “Hey, it’s a great idea. Couldn’t leave you alone today. And you were right the other day, we don’t spend much time together anymore, and…I rather miss you.”

 Your heart skipped a bit as you slightly punched him on the shoulder.

 “I rather miss you too.”

 __

  “-and then we set the condom on fire!”

 “You didn’t!”

 “We did, and trust me, you don’t want to try that.”

 You chuckled and looked around you. Your table was secluded from the others, giving you some well-thought privacy to avoid any fanatical attacks. The jazzy music gave the restaurant a black and white New-York vibe that you always longed for late at night in front of the television.

 “You know, there has always been something I wanted to ask you. I’m just so curious…”

 “About what?” Paul asked while serving you some more wine.

 You shrugged, a little embarrassed but continued.

 “What are your moves?”

 “My what?”

 “Your moves, you know, on a date – a real date. You must have a sort of routine, right?”

 “Bold of you to assume I need dates to get girls. They keep throwing themselves at me.”

 Half amused, half exasperated, you threw your napkin at him.

 “Oh, come on.”

 He looked down to hide the smirk that was growing on his lips.

 “I don’t have any moves…”

 You scoffed.

 “I don’t buy it. A guy like you must have some moves.”

 He raised a cheeky eyebrow.

 “And what would ‘a guy like me’ be?”

 Devastatingly handsome. Excessively perfect. The owner of my heart.

 “You know… A flirt.”

 His lips formed a mockingly hurt ‘o’.

 “Is that what you think of me?”

 You narrowed your eyes, shooting him another come on glare. He laughed and raised his hands in surrender.

 “Okay, okay. I don’t know, I have various ‘moves’, as you like to call them, that I gradually display over the course of the night and see whether they work or not. But they generally do.”

 You took a bite of your plate and moved your head to the left, thoughtful.

 “I’m afraid you’ll have to be more specific than that. I can’t roast you with so little information.”

 He smiled brightly and, gently taking you free hand, began rubbing it with his thumb. He looked at you, head slightly tilted, and moved just a tad forward.

 “You know, I wanted to wait till the end of the evening to kiss you but you look so beautiful that I can’t resist.”

 Your gaze fell from his hazel eyes to his lips, and let out an honest giggle.

 “That’s so stupid, but I almost leaned in.”

 “You totally checked me out, though.”

 “No…”

 He shrugged, visibly satisfied with himself.

 “Whatever makes you sleep at night.”

 You rolled your eyes but could not hide your nascent grin.

 “Anyway, that’s all you got?”

 “No, I sometimes have a bottle of wine or something ‘sent from a fan’”

 “And it works?” you asked, truly concerned about the intelligence of the female gender.

 “It does when I combine it with ‘Oh my god, this is so embarrassing, I just want to live a normal life!’”

 “Oh, you poor little famous man!” you exclaimed, punching him across the table.

 “And what do you do?” he enquired, slapping your hand away.

 You took a sip of your wine, languorously, and gently patted your humid lips with the napkin. Paul opened his mouth to stop you but you took your lipstick and began putting it on with a deliberate slowness. He froze as he watched the cardinal red stick move on every curve of your mouth, matching the depth of the wine. Without breaking the established eye contact, you pressed your two lips together to even the colour and slightly bite your lower lip before offering him a playful smile.

 “Fair enough,” he nodded appreciatory.

 “I know it’s nothing, but I usually get a response. Especially when I combine it with other things.”

 He moved his hand to ask for the check, which came almost immediately. At times like that, you found yourself wondering whether it was the quality of the restaurant or the fame of your entourage that caused up the speediness and promptness of the service.

 You moved to reach for your purse but felt an iron hand block you.

 “What kind of a gentleman would I be if I let you pay?”

 “Oh come on, Paul! This isn’t even a real date!”

 “Y/N, this doesn’t need to be a romantic rendezvous for me to be courteous.”

 He paused and looked around.

 “However, that candle-lit table feels pretty la vie en rose, no?”

 “I guess.”

 The orchestra had moved on to a softer, more exotic tune. You recognized the first notes of The Girl From Ipanema as you both got up and walked to the door.

 But I watch her so sadly, how can I tell her I love her

Yes I would give my heart gladly

 You both looked down as the song’s volume gradually decreased, both lost in your thoughts. Having decided you would leave the car there for the night, you had been strolling for a few meters when he broke the casual silence.

 “That was so fun.”

 “Well, that’s because you never went on a date with me before,” you snickered gingerly and placed your arm around his, feeling emboldened by the alcohol.

 “Is that so?” He murmured, looking down at you.

 He was so close that you felt his breath intertwine with yours. You gulped and turned away. Letting out a few coughs, you glanced at him while keeping a respectful distance between your two heads.

 The walk went by just fine. He cracked up a few jokes and you laughed, and then told some more as you passed through the lively city. London at night was as bustling as it was in the mornings, but the dark sky and the delightful company provided some sort of serenity that seemed impossible to normally find.  

 When you arrived in front of your house, your feet were hurting, but you could not care less. You were caught in that after-date glee that made everything feel so marvelously perfect.

  “So, what are Paul McCartney’s end of the night moves?”

 He met your gaze with a bright smirk.

 “Well, first of all, I make my lips irresistible.”

 Your lips already are irresistible.

 “How?”

 “This better stay between us but…I use a softening lip balm,” he sheepishly admitted.

 You giggled, actually surprised by the statement.

 “Oh, man, I’m going to have so much fun with this.”

 Paul gently pushed you on the side and you would have tripped if he was not still holding you.

 “Anyway…”

 You locked eyes for a moment. He put his hands on your hips, slowly leaning in. You could not help staring at his lips, not caring anymore about the consequences of your actions. Backed up by the alcohol and the thrill of the moment, you decided to move even more forward.

 “Oh God, just do it.”

 “You’re half drunk. If I kiss you now, I won’t stop at that.”

 “Who says I’d want you to stop?”

 You grabbed his collar and pulled him closer, plunging on his lips. The kiss was soft, yet fiery from the taste of the red wine. Your hands wandered from his hair to this torso, making him pull you closer.

 Lacking air, you softly broke away and let your fingers linger on his jawline. He gave you the most shattering smile, and you shivered as he proceeded to place butterfly kisses all over your face and neck.

 “I hope you know what you’re doing to me,” you muttered, your hands sliding to his chest, sensing the soft fabric of his pullover.

 He laughs at your swollen lips and dreamy eyes.

 “Y/N, I love you. Can’t keep it to myself anymore.”

 “Well, that’s really convenient, because I love you too.”

 Let’s just say your week had gotten a lot better.

[nisaadventures]

Can’t Control Chaos

Sometimes, when life has thrown SO MUCH at you, when you feel battered and broken... sometimes all that is left are hope, love, and determination... or at least that is all I have left.

I don’t want to start the year off on a “bad note,” but this holiday season has been cruel... there’s a C word for you... Yes, of course there were good moments and I have so much to be thankful for... but the season has been cruel none the less.

I honestly have been avoiding really processing what is happening... denial of course... fear of jinxing it, hope, luck, a miracle... whatever you’d like to call it.

I think I also have just been tired... too tired to really answer when someone asks, “How are you?” Because really? I’m not so okay... I haven’t been for a long time...

***So some background***

In early 2020, my godmother, Josie (Mama Jo), had started complaining of groin pain. I advised her to consult her doctor to get it checked out. Based on what she told me and my previous knowledge in women’s health, I thought it might be an ovarian cyst. These are quite common and can cause discomfort similar to what she described. Her doctor’s first diagnosis was possible muscle strain... prescribed her some medication, rest, and sent her home...

The pain persisted and worsened over the coming weeks, so I told her to advocate for herself and have her doctor investigate further... The issues with the American healthcare system.... But lets not get into that right now...

By this time, March 2020, the COVID pandemic was hitting California and we were forced into shelter in place.

Her doctor finally ordered some tests and found an extremely large mass, about 20cm in diameter... She was immediately scheduled for surgery. You can kind of see where this is going... In surgery they removed the mass with some difficulty and we were informed...

... the big C... not COVID... Cancer...

No one could be with her in the hospital after her surgery, we couldn’t visit when she had to stay extra days to recover... but we could speak to her and see her posting on facebook. She was doing okay and surgery was “successful.”

Ovarian cancer is in the top 5 cancer deaths among women and accounts for more deaths than any other female reproductive cancer... Now the reason for this is usually because there are little to no symptoms and when it is diagnosed, it is usually a late stage... In a way, we were blessed Mama Jo was experiencing pain. Her cancer was discovered at stage IIA, meaning she had some spread within her reproductive system, but none to neighboring abdominal organs or lymph nodes... good?

So the next step was chemo. Another C... interesting...

First infusion & cutting Mama Jo’s hair.

She was scheduled for a total of 6 rounds of chemo. Each round consisted of 1 appointment every Friday, for 3 weeks. 1 week of 2 drug infusions, and 2 weeks of a single. In total, 18 weeks. She handled it like a champ. Luckily she didn’t experience the extreme and awful symptoms, until her last round...

She started to feel the effects more and more as the chemo had gradually started to break her down. Finally, after about her 16th infusion, the start of the final round, her electrolytes were imbalanced, she needed a blood transfusion for low hemoglobin, and she was extremely pale, clammy, and easily fatigued.

Some STATS: currently the difference in mortality rate for ovarian cancer from 3 rounds (9 weeks) of chemo to the full 6 rounds is roughly 2-5%... Doesn’t seem like much when you consider the damage and side effects those 9 extra weeks cause... but that extra percentage is still a better chance... If patients experience more side effects after the first weeks, the doctor will stop treatment after 3 rounds...

Mama Jo made it through 5 complete rounds of chemo. Her initial scans were clear and we just needed to wait a few months for more follow-up scans.

She did it.

And in the best fashion, with THE BEST attitude. She has always been a positive person. You can always count on her to cheer for you, encourage you, and love you deeply. If anyone could make it through the big C, it was her... and she did!

So here we are... in the middle of another wave of this COVID-19 pandemic, living in the San Joaquin Valley, where hospitals are overflowing, COVID cases have rapidly increased, and COVID related deaths...

Friday, December 18th, Mama Jo, got tested for COVID-19. She had been symptomatic for a few days prior and scheduled a test to confirm. Her symptoms were very typical to COVID: upset stomach, diarrhea, cough, shortness of breath, body aches, etc. Mama Jo also has a long history of terrible asthma that is routinely exacerbated by changes in season, allergens, poor valley air quality, and illness...

She was positive... COVID-19... another C.

She was at home and on a regimen of several asthma medications, steroids, and regular breathing treatments to decrease her symptoms. Her oncologist saw her diagnosis of COVID and suggested she go to the ER if she continued to have symptoms... which she did... and finally, via ambulance, went to the hospital.

And that is where she has been... through Christmas and New years... She has run through all the treatments, transferred facilities, undergone all the tests, a slew of infections secondary to COVID... and here we are.

Part of me feels angry... part of me feels numb.... I move through the day knowing that I have to...There is nothing I can do, but trust that she is in good hands...

Hello 2021.

I’ve been tested. SHE has been relentlessly tested... we’ve all been tested in some way, shape, or form... I’m so done... and in those dark moments, sometimes all I want to do is give up... throw my hands in the air and say “FINE! You win!”

... and then... after my inner turmoil has had its opportunity to cry it out... after the water has settled... things become more clear... my inner voice... that voice deep... DEEP inside that speaks to you, keeps you going, motivates you, and sometimes kicks your ass in gear... well... she says I will be okay...

I have been through some great awfuls... but life will continue on and I will be OKAY because if there is anything I’ve learned from my Mama, from my Mama Jo, from everyone I’ve ever looked up to and been inspired by... its that I CAN do anything and I am so much stronger than I ever fathomed.

Can... another C.

So this is me... just leveling with you all. So much has been taken... but if there is anything I’m going to hold onto... its my hope for the best, my love for all those I care about, and my determination to continue... another C...

She’s the real champ... “C” what I mean? ;)

Christmas 2018?

Easter 2019?

Thanksgiving 2019

Christmas 2019

Summer 2020

Mama Jo,

I know you can’t read this just yet, but I love you so much!

Love,

Your baby girl

Nisa

[k-pop-imagines]

Protector | Chapter 9

Protector Masterlist

Summary: No summary for this chapter because I can’t figure out how to write one without spoiling too much.

Word Count: 1925 A/N: I can’t believe I finally did it! I’ve been desperately trying to figure out how to write this chapter for months but I actually figured something out this time and my motivation didn’t leave me halfway through. I really enjoyed writing this and I hope you enjoy reading this chapter just as much!  - Admin Soomi Warning: Nothing serious, I just think this is a real rollercoaster of emotions so be prepared.

-----

The footsteps came to a halt right in front of the door to the supply closet. You held your breath as well as you could with your heart still beating as if you’d just run a marathon. One sound and you could be dead. What a mess you had gotten into.  What Donghae had done was incredibly stupid. If you were found, it would be almost impossible for him to fight back, considering you were stuffed into a small room filled to the brim with cleaning supplies, leaving barely any space to counter an attack or protect you. Nevertheless, you also understood that there had simply been no other way out. There was nowhere else to go. Now all you could do was pray that the people looking for you were dumb enough not to piece two and two together. And it seemed like, for once, luck would be on your side. You could hear your pursuers talking very faintly. “Where did they go? I swear I just saw them, it’s like they vanished into thin air.” “There’s no way...did you check that closet there?” A gasped in fear but Donghae put his hand over your mouth to muffle the sound. “That bodyguard guy is a pro, do you really think he would be stupid enough to hide in a place like that?” “Yeah, you’re right. Maybe there’s another exit or a secret passage we missed.” Their voices and footsteps become gradually quieter until they completely disappeared. As Donghae took his hand away from your mouth and released his tight grip around you, a breath of relief left your throat. The two of you shared a look, then laughed in disbelief. “How on earth did this work?”, you asked. He gave a cocky smile. “Didn’t you hear them? I’m a pro, that’s why.” You rolled your eyes in annoyance. What an arrogant ass. He may have saved your life once more but that attitude of his was driving you crazy.  “Anyway, let’s get out of here...”, you mumbled. The smell of chemicals was starting to make you dizzy. Or maybe it was from being way too close to your bodyguard for so long. “Oh, already? We can stay here a little if you want, spend some more quality time.” You were glad you had already turned your back to him, ready to exit this tiny space. He couldn’t see the dark shade of red your face must have turned at his words. God, why couldn’t he shut up about it? Taking a deep breath, you decided to ignore his words, not give him any reaction. You wanted to step outside but Donghae stopped you, now serious again. “Let me go first, maybe this was a trick.” But it wasn’t. These guys had been genuinely stupid enough to not find you in this obvious hiding spot.  -----

Back to business. Donghae led you back to the room where you had been interviewed. How long had you even been gone? Would Isabella still be there, wanting to continue her interview? You sincerely hoped she wouldn’t.  As you returned, Isabella was indeed still waiting, greeting you with that perfect smile.  “Oh my, did you get lost on your way to the bathroom?”, she joked earning a fake laugh from you in return. Your patience was starting to run thing but maybe Isabella had gotten the hint that she should change the topic. You sat down opposite from her again, while Donghae his previous spot in the corner of the room.  “Let’s get on with this. Back to your engagement-”  Okay, she hadn’t gotten the hint.  “To get one thing straight, I didn’t get engaged. My father got me engaged,” you interrupted her. Originally, you were planning to continue this interview as politely as possible but as she still wouldn’t let go of this obviously inappropriate topic, you had enough.  Isabella seemed flustered for a second. “Well, surely your father must have your best interest at heart and chosen a lovely partner for you.” “No, he does what’s best for his business, regardless of the consequences and sacrifices. I will not be marrying the man my father chose for me. I am not a puppet.” With those words and without any regrets, you swiftly stood up, leaving a very confused woman behind.

Donghae quickly followed suit. He didn’t say a word until you were in the car, on the way back to the mansion. “Your father won’t be happy about this.” You snorted. “So? What is he going to do? He needs me. I’m an important asset to his plans. The worst he will do is take away some of the money he’s using to buy my love, thinking that it matters to me.”  He nodded. The ride was quiet after that. 

-----

As you arrived back at the mansion, your father was already awaiting you at the heavy front door.  Someone must have immediately called and informed him about the situation, about what you said about him.  “Do you know what you have done?”, he asked sternly. “Yes.” Your reply was short and cold. “I had to pay Modern Housing a considerable amount of money to stop them from publishing the interview as it is. Your words will be heavily edited. You’re incredibly lucky they called to check in with me instead of ruining my reputation. Your allowance will be heavily decreased and you will be banned from leaving the estate for the next month.” You shrugged. “When did you become so unprofessional?” “As soon as you decided that your business was more important than your own child.” You simply walked past him, heading straight to your room. Tears began prickling at the corners of your eyes but you quickly wiped them away.  How could one person be so cruel, so heartless? Without giving any thought about the people around you, you started running through the halls, desperate to be alone. You reached your bedroom, threw open the door and locked it behind you. For a second you just stood there, trying to steady your breathing. Your thoughts were running wild, your heart filled with a whirlwind of emotions. Anger. You were angry at how your father treated you like a child. No, not a child. More like an object. Sadness. He didn’t care about your feelings in any way. Helplessness. You felt lost. There was no way for you to get out of this. You couldn’t escape, you couldn’t change his mind. You were stuck and would be, forever. Now there was fear too, knowing that you’d be under your father’s control for the rest of your life. Well, for the rest of his life. But then your future husband would be the one pulling the strings. You could rebel but where would it get you. Someone else always had the upper hand. You didn’t want to be a puppet but that’s exactly what you were doomed to be. What kind of hell would the puppeteers turn your life into?  As you stared out of the window, into the blue sky, you didn’t hear the door open behind you. You didn’t hear the footsteps of the person approaching you. Only when you suddenly sensed that someone standing next to you did you get startled. Donghae. How did he even get in here? “You know, people usually lock the door for a reason that you should respect. Like, when they want to be alone”, you whispered, voice shaking slightly.  “Do you, though?” Your eyes widened. That was a fair question. You wanted to be alone at first, obviously but now that he was here...his presence felt strangely comforting. You didn’t want to be around anyone right now but maybe he was an exception. He seemed like the only person you could trust at this moment.  When you looked at him, you were met with a peculiar sight. He had his arms stretched out, offering a hug. His eyes were soothing but not pitiful. Instinctively, you reached out to him and as soon as your head landed on his chest, the tears began falling. He let his hands run across your back comfortingly. You took a few minutes to let out all of your pain, not caring that you were making his shirt wet. As you calmed down and inhaled his scent while taking deep breaths to steady your heartbeat, you involuntarily thought back to the time you spent in the supply closet. How nice it felt to be close to him. It felt like he cared. Like you meant something.  Before you could get too lost in these thoughts, you pulled away from him.  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have gotten so emotional.” “Don’t apologize. You must have been taught to act strong and confident from a young age, right? But keeping everything bottled up and hiding behind a mask isn’t healthy, it’s important to let it out sometimes. It’s human. No one can be strong all the time. Except for me, of course.” To your surprise, you let out a genuine laugh at his comment. “You’re an ass.” “But I’m a lovable ass, aren’t I?” “Not really.” “Oh? Your reaction to being close to me suggests otherwise. Especially in very small spaces.” God, this again? Would he ever stop teasing you about this? “I don’t know what you mean.” Maybe acting innocent would do the trick. “Just admit that you like me.” Or maybe not. “I don’t like you. I was probably delusional from the fumes of all the cleaning agents.”  “Keep telling yourself that.” He was now looking at you with the smuggest grin you had ever seen. This mad was slowly but steadily driving you insane. But at least he made you forget about the argument with your father.  “I really want to wipe that grin off your face,” you muttered. “I’d like to see you try.” So you did. You went up to him, pulled him towards you by the collar of his shirt so his face was only inches away from yours. His grin was surprised by a look of sheer surprise and you could see something like indecisiveness in his eyes you moved your lips closer to his. But he never pulled away.  Yet, before your lips could touch, as much as you wanted it, you stopped. A smile spread across your face. “Things were hectic today, you should take the rest of the day off, let the night guards take over a little earlier than usual.” You let go of his collar and gently pushed him towards the door. Donghae smirked, then obediently left. Two could play this game.

-----

Donghae slowly walked through the halls, heading towards his won quarters after letting the night guards know about this change of plans.  His phone’s ringtone made him snap out of his thoughts. He was still trying to process what had just happened. There was no way to deny the mutual tension between you and him, but the caller ID made him realize that he had more important things to worry about. “How are things going?” a deep voice sounded from the other end as soon as he picked up the call. “Everything is going according to plan.” “How far are you?” He thought back to how close you two had been only seconds ago. How close you had come to sharing a kiss.  “I’ve completely gained their trust, we can start planning our next steps.” “Fantastic. You will get new orders in one week from now. It’s time to bring this family down.”

[meditativeyoga]

Zazen: The art of just sitting

We are of the viewpoint that equilibrium is needed so that our lifestyle doesn't lead us to exhaustion. We wish to discover the ways to change our way of being so that every aspect of our living interact. And we prefer every one of this to occur 'naturally'-- not with pressure of initiative, yet with emphasis and also tranquility. Being Zen people, we balance the fee of day-to-day living with moment-by-moment existence, and also the key to doing this is meditation.

Zazen is the Japanese name for seatsed reflection-- the term approximately implies, 'resting still, like a mountain.' It is the one typical practice that unifies essentially all Eastern philosophies.

In the West, meditation has been adjusted for Western sensibilities. Jon Kabat-Zinn, for example, has actually established Mindfulness Reflection for use in healthcare facilities. He's taken Zazen from Buddhism, [or the Buddhism out of Zazen!] and is getting excellent outcomes with individuals recovering from cardiovascular disease, surgeries, stress-related illnesses, et al.

This Western method has its focus on using reflection as a 'relaxation tool.' It is therefore an 'include on,' made use of to combat a disease [a dis-ease] Mindfulness Meditation is a little bit like a 'pill wherefore ails you,' as well as is doled out to assist hyper active individuals run also faster.

Our point of view is definitely extra 'typical.' We see the problem as 'imbalance'.

Our view is that 'fast repairs' do not address the deepness of the issue-our propensity to disregard ourselves, and also to bend ourselves right into knots-- in order to fit some pre-conceived idea of just how adults need to act. We get captured in a loophole of excess, and also after that seek ways to respond to the damage.

We think about Zazen to be the structure from which whole, existing, involved, as well as enthusiastic living springtimes. From this perspective, balance is vital, and also being centred takes priority over excess.

In order to understand equilibrium, let's talk Qi [energy]

Qi can be found in two flavours-- Yin and Yang. Right here are few qualities:

Yin is feminine, easy, dark as well as deep.

Yang is manly, energetic, light and shallow.

Qi is like a coin. It cannot aid yet have 2 sides. A coin is 'balanced.' Each side is precisely the same 'size' as its opposite, as well as each represents one 'dynamic' of the whole. It is impossible to assume of [or have!] an one-sided or unbalanced coin. Qi is constantly looking for balance.

The distinction between us and also a coin is that we have the option of exactly what we emphasise, and also since of this, are often un-balanced. In the 21st century, the standard is Yang-ness. The emphasis gets on reasoning, doing, power, aggressiveness. Yin-ness-- intuiting, showing, and depth is frequently viewed of as weakness.

Initial explorations of Qi originated from the Taoists

The name Qi was picked for the 'unnameable, unknowable pressure' that brings the World right into being. When Qi remains in balance, all is well. Understanding as well as focus is required so that equilibrium is maintained.

From this viewpoint, each particular 'flavour' of Qi discovers its balance in the various other, i.e. dark/light. As for energy itself, the activity of yang is always sustained by the deepness and also fluidness of yin. Yin, in the background, offers the framework for all activity, much as a whiteboard [yin] holds exactly what is created [yang] Not a really Western suggestion in any way. The passive 'whiteboard' is considereded as 'simply a device' for the essential stuff. Because of a determined lack of focus on depth and tranquility, individuals operating from this 'modern-day' understanding are often candidates for tension relevant illnesses.

The option is NOT to slap on the 'Band-Aid' of a little bit of meditation. Our company believe it's to re-balance our top priorities by connecting with the circulation of our power itself-- to intuit its nature as well as to alleviate it via any type of blockages. Zazen is a fine method to do this. We sit to establish an unified body/mind/spirit. Zazen is not goal drivened-- it's not actually a task per se-- it's a means of being.

Two misunderstandings concerning Zazen

Zazen is not concerning quiting thinking: That's impossible. Besides, our assumed procedures in and also of themselves do not get us right into trouble. Consider it by doing this. The activity of our mind is to produce ideas, simply like the task of our pancreatic is to create insulin. Assuming is an all-natural task. Difficulty comes when:

We perplex our thoughts with truth, and

When we cling to our thoughts.

Zazen, then, has to do with sitting with our thoughts, without either evaluating them, or clinging to them. Thoughts become like clouds drifting before a blue sky.

Zazen has no point: We do not rest to achieve something. There's an old Zen tale about the trainee who states, with satisfaction, "I have released thinking!" His master replies, "No let go of believing that you have released thinking!"

We sit in order to rest. We take a breath to breathe. As thoughts arise, we watch them float by. If we discover ourselves distracted, we go back to 'simply resting.'

There is no objective. It's not regarding discovering an 'answer,' and Zazen is not a competition. At any time we set up an objective, [the length of time we sit for, exactly how 'advanced' we are, exactly how 'deep' our thoughts are, etc.] our entire emphasis ends up being thinking of our 'score.' We get shed in the act of contrast, even if we are just contrasting ourselves to ourselves.

Here's how to do Zazen

Briefly, there are 4 methods to sit, plus remaining on a chair-- however, chair sitting, to my point of view, is just for the infirm.

The rest of us remain on pillows or benches. In a post of this length, I actually can't define the poses adequately, or reveal you exactly how to use cushions or a bench.

So below's a video explanation including me!

What I can tell you is what every one of the 'poses' have in common

Zazen is a technique, as well as to complete what it achieves, you do the following:

You sit upright. Not ramrod directly, however with a 'stacked back.' Your shoulders are over your hips, as well as you are not tipped back and forth or front to back. In the video, I show you a simple method to accomplish this.

Your head is a little down, eyes open, looking 4 feet in front of you.

Your right hand is hand up in your lap, your left hand is palm up in your right-hand man, as well as your thumbs are touching lightly.

You are breathing with your nose, quietly.

Your attention is 'simply there.' As you sit, you are aware of noises, temperature, physical feelings, etc. You understand as thoughts arise. The key: as you bring your focus on any type of one thing, simply have a breath, and allow go of thinking of it.

you fixate on something [you will!], bring your attention back to 'simply resting.'

If you desire, you could count breaths. Start counting each out and in breath. As you observe you are believing as opposed to counting, go back to counting, starting at "1." You could then start counting simply the out breaths.

Walking meditation

Simply walk slowly, in an upright stance, meticulously placing one foot, then shifting your weight, and also placing another. Hands are folded up across your heart. The concept is to transform your focus to each action, and return to this as your mind wanders.

Living meditation

Meditating on a mat is one point. Living your reflection is one more, and also taking your reflection right into the world is what Zazen is all about.

Once you have practised a little bit, you will observe that your body/mind/spirit reverberates with resting. This vibration could be strengthened by bringing presence right into day to day activities.

Cook: You might, for example, prepare a dish mindfully. When chopping veggies, cut veggies. As your mind wanders, bring it back to the action of 'knife with veggie.' Maintain your mind focussed just on the step of the process that you are doing.

Eat the exact same means. Change to eating a dish a day with chopsticks. Or, if you usually utilize chopsticks, change to one meal with knife as well as fork. Decrease. Eat. Taste.

Do your job in this manner. When doing just what you are doing, quit acting you could multi-task and do one thing. With complete interest, with calm breath.

Eat an orange

Select an orange. Set the orange down before you. Take a look at it. See how the light mirrors off of it. Consider the colour, appearance, and also all the little pores. Actually look.

Now, scuff your finger nail along the skin, and hear the noise. Pierce the skin, as well as start peeling, and direct your attention to the audio of peeling off, then to the sound of separating the segments.

Go back to looking-- seeing how the orange items look.

Bring the skin to your nose, and also scent it. Set it down. Bring a section to your nose, and also smell it. Give it a little press and smell again.

Squish among the sectors in your fingers, and also actually feel the pulp, juice, as well as any type of seeds or pith.

Pop a section into your mouth, and also eat it gradually. See if you could take 5 mins to consume one section. Actually preference it!

Take one more sector, and also rub it on your arm or leg, or simply get imaginative, as well as utilize your body to really feel the orange section.

Now, stop, and go either wash or tube off. [I'll wait till you come back ...]

Think about your experience

These basic games call us to presence-- they aid us to be in our bodies, engaging our power, and sensation intimately what it resembles to be alive.

From this location of visibility, living is not something we do, yet rather is that we are.

This integrity modifications everything.

[merlinemryspendragon]

Gif Coloring Tutorial

Requested by anon. Sorry for taking so long to post this!

This tutorial goes over how I color gifs, including tips for coloring dark scenes and scenes that are heavily filtered with a certain color (i.e blue scenes, yellow scenes, etc.).

We’ll be going from this:

To this:

Warning: This post is gonna be really long! (if the read more breaks blacklist “long post” or “usermerlin gif tutorial”)

*I’m using Photoshop CS5

1. Gif Making Basics (Note this part won’t include images since the anon specified coloring and avoiding noise I’m gonna focus on that)

First I take screencaps using Potplayer.

In PS I import the frames by selecting File --> Scripts --> “Load Multiple DICOM Files”

Once the images have loaded I go to the drop down menu on the animation window and select “Make frames from layers”. 

Then I crop my gif using the crop tool. I put all the layers into a group  (select all the layers and press ctrl + g (cmd + g if you’re using a Mac)

Now I sharpen my gif. I’ve created an action to speed up this process using user thepunisher’s action tutorial. I didn’t include the grouping of my layers in the action so that’s why I always group them before starting my action so that it works properly. My sharpening is pretty standard from what I’ve seen. I use smart sharpen: 

Now I can start coloring!

2. Basic Coloring

In this section, I’ll be going over a basic, but vibrant, coloring. When making adjustments you have to be careful not to increase brightness or vibrance too much or your gif will become grainier. Same goes with making changes to the colors. It’s better to have more layers with slight adjustments 

I always start by brightening up my gif. Sometimes I use curves to both brighten and adjust colors. For this particular gif I didn’t, but I use this adjustment often. User villainelle has a tutorial for using curves to color adjust here and so does user thepunisher here. They have slightly different approaches and I use either depending on the scene. I’ll also be explaining this adjustment more in the next section but I learned how to use it from them. 

Step 1:

For this gif, I just started with an Exposure adjustment layer. Exposure allows you to change the tones of your document. Gamma adjusts midtones, offset adjusts shadows, and exposure adjusts highlights. It’s really helpful with brightening up dark scenes or heavily shadowed scenes. I usually only adjust the midtones/gamma. Here are my settings:

I increased the Gamma to 1.12

Step 2:

I then use a Brightness/Contrast layer to adjust the highlights (you could also do this with Exposure but I find Brightness more manageable). At this point, I’m only increasing the brightness. I won’t increase or decrease the contrast bar. Here are my settings:

I increased the Brightness to 34

Step 3:

After adjusting the brightness, I want to bring back some depth (I’m probably using this word incorrectly tbh) to my gif by increasing the contrast before moving on to color correction and vibrancy.

To increase the contrast I use a black and white gradient map and set it to soft light. Then I lower the opacity between 10%-50%, depending on the scene.

You could also use Levels or Brightness/Contrast but I find the gradient map is easy to control while also making the gif more neutral. For this gif, I set the transparency to 10% but could go a little higher because the scene is naturally bright. All these adjustments are really about your personal preference. 

Step 4:

Now I can move on to the colors. For basic coloring I usually start by increasing the saturation. I use a Hue/Saturation layer because this way I can increase the saturation of everything. I feel like the Vibrance layer tends to just make the gif warmer rather than making the colors pop- and I have less control over individual colors. For this gif, I increased the saturation for all colors (”Master”) to 27:

Step 5:

After adjusting the vibrancy I move on to color adjustment. This can really vary based on preferences. I tend to prefer to make my gifs cooler in tone. I use Selective Color and Color Balance to manipulate the colors. 

I started by adding a Color Balance layer to adjust the colors on Aziraphale’s face:

I increased the Cyan to 4, the Magenta to 3, and the Blue to 1 to make the skin tones more neutral. I’m moving the bars toward the colors I want to add. So if my gif is too yellow I’d move it toward blue and if it’s too red I’d move it toward cyan. Also note that I only made changes to the midtones. If I wanted to make changes to the darker or lighter parts of this gif I’d alter the shadows or highlights but I usually only do that for rainbow gifsets. Typically, I prefer Selective Color to make more drastic color alterations so I have more control over the specific color I’m changing.

*Be careful when making these types of changes. You don’t want to make drastic changes to the natural undertones of a person’s skin. Same goes when you’re brightening your gif. You can easily whitewash if you’re not careful. User amorverus has a great tutorial on avoiding whitewashing in coloring here .*

I also wanted to brighten up the gif more after this so I added a curves layer :

Then I used Selective Color to decrease the yellow tones in the White background:

I decreased it by 26. I almost always do this for scenes with white backgrounds or large blocks of white.

Step 6:

After I make some color adjustments I adjust the brightness and contrast again. I always add another Curves layer to increase the brightness of the shadows by slightly lifting the line on the bottom left:

Then I use Levels to change the contrast of my tones. I usually increase the contrast by moving the left hand point slightly to the right:

After that I add another Curves layer, decreasing the shadow and increasing the highlights like this:

I feel like this adds some nice depth to my gif and brings out the colors more. The amount I decrease or increase the curve depends on the gif itself, so definitely play around with this. 

Step 7:

Now I go back to make some last color changes. I added another Selective Color layer and increased the Black on Whites:

Finally, I added another Selective Color layer adjusting the Whites again. I decreased the Yellow again and also increased the Cyan and Magenta to make the blue in the sky pop a little more:

I used a layer mask to erase this layer on Aziraphale so the change is only apparent on the sky.

Now I’m done! Here’s the same method on two other scenes:

And I uploaded the .psds (dl here) so you can take a closer look at what I did in Photoshop. Keep in mind that I don’t always follow these steps in the exact same order. Psd #3 features the curves color adjustment method and has some more adjustments. It really depends on the scene itself and the mood I’m in. Practicing a lot will build your familiarity with the different adjustments and hopefully boost your confidence in making your own coloring! 

3. Hard to Color Scenes

Blue/Yellow/Green/Red Scenes + Dark Scenes

These types of scenes can be hell to color but there are some techniques to help balance the colors so that you have something that’s easier to work with. 

For general dark scenes, adjusting the Exposure can be really helpful. Unfortunately increasing the Gamma or Exposure too much can make the gif grainy so be careful when using it. Consider using it in combination with Brightness/Contrast and Curves to avoid making drastic changes.

Another helpful adjustment layer is the curves layer. As the tutorials linked above explain, using the midtone or highlight dropper tool can help adjust the presence of red, green, and blue in your gif. Photoshop will balance against the color you select. 

Let’s take this scene for example:

This scene is really yellow. Using color balance or selective color to balance it out could help but given how yellow it is, you’d need to use a lot of these layers to gradually change the colors or you’d make your gif too grainy. Using Curves, we can adjust colors with less layers and hopefully introduce less grain (sometimes this type of adjustment can result in too drastic a change, so your gif becomes hella grainy so be careful). I used the midtone dropper around here:

And got this:

Here’s the Curves layer:

The shadows are a little more intense than they were to begin with but that’s easier to adjust. You could also keep messing around with the dropper so the scene doesn’t become darker. You could it make it slightly less yellow and then finish the rest with color balance and selective color. Either way, I’m satisfied with this so now I can continue coloring:

Here’s an example of a dark and blue scene:

Usually for darker scenes, I use the midtone dropper but that wasn’t resulting in a change I was happy with. I used the highlight dropper instead, clicking on the flecks of snow in the bottom right:

Here’s the Curves layer:

And here’s the final gif after coloring:

This method is great for making big changes to the lighting and colors of your gifs.

HQ GIF Tips:

Save Settings:

I save my gifs with Diffusion because I find that the dithering is usually less noticeable that way, so my gif looks smoother. Pattern can also look really nice though, depending on your coloring. Try out both and see which you prefer! Here are my settings:

Coloring:

Making drastic changes all at once can make your gifs grainier. Be careful not to change a color too much one one Selective Color or Color Balance layer. It’s better to make smaller changes over multiple layers. Same goes for increasing brightness and vibrance.

Source:

Use the highest quality video source you can. That’s an easy way to make HQ gifs. Blu Ray or DVD quality is better than Itunes for example and both of those will be better than clips from Youtube. If the file size is bigger that typically means there less compression so the quality will be better. If you can’t find larger sizes or you don’t have the space or time to save larger files, just make sure it’s at least 1080p. Keep in mind that now that gifs are converted to gifv, your gifs might look grainy or blurry when you post them even if they look fine when you save them. You can go back and mess with the coloring to see if this helps but otherwise there’s not much you can do about the conversion.

Those are all the tips I have for now! If anything doesn’t make sense or you have any questions please let me know.