"o-oh my god...they just drew that character SLIGHTLY chubbier than they are in canon!!!!!! THE HORROR!!!! HOW WILL WE EVER RECOVER AS A SOCIETY IF THESE FAT BITCHES KEEP CLAIMING THESE CHARACTERS!!??"
(or in other words, wanted terrorist loves harassing his local ups delivery service)
[authers notes: now i know i said i'd probably never write anything again.... buuuut i started playing Death Stranding 1..and I'm not even halfway through, and i wanted to write a fic of emo Troy baker Higgs, so uh.. here, have this. Any spelling mistakes are on me (it's literally my 2nd fic i've ever written, be nice im emotionally unstable lmao), mentions of getting chased and almost drowning and like one or two mentions of blood, Sam shows up at the very end as a little surprise guest, anyway have a lovely day/afternoon/night, peace✌️]
Now being a porter came with it's fair share of risks, a fucked up back, sore shoulders, getting caught in a timefall downpour in the middle of nowhere, getting surrounded by BTs, falling down a hill and loosing all of your cargo and so on, but those were just simply the risks that came with the job, though as your feet moved as quickly as you could with the boxes on your back that swayed and threatend to throw you off balance as you ran from the group of MULEs behind you, hungry to get their hands on the orders that you had strapped to your back, was probably one of the most annoying risks that came with being a porter, you had delt with them a few times, most of the time being able to get away by hiding in some tall grass or just overall being a bit quicker than them, though this group seemed to be a bit faster than the normal groups of MULEs that you'd occasionally run into on deliveries.
Running over the moss coverd rocks you did your best to keep your footing steady and tried not to slip as you moved to the side to dodge one of them with a grunt as they tried to grab you, the maneuver making them let out a shout as they landed on the rocky ground, the other two running past they're friend that laid on the gravel not paying much mind to them other than triying no to trip over their body as they ran, too focused on the precious cargo that you carried.
You could feel exhaustion slowly creeping up on you as you pushed your body to run faster, the sound of rushing water close by as you made your way to where an old ladder laid, connecting the gap between the rocks above the rapid flowing river below, you had been down this path many times, hell you knew it like the back of your hand so usually you wouldn't be so nervous about crossing the old rusty thing, the one thing you didn't count on this delivery however, was getting chased by cargo hungry maniacs that sometimes would venture out of there territory to harass other porters like yourself.
The sound of fast footfalls behind you made your adrenaline rush as you made your way up the rockside with the rope that hung off it's side, doing your best to keep yourself from falling backwards as you scaled up the rough stone, the water rushed beneath the makeshift bridge violently, the thunder like sound now blocking out the noise of the group behind you.
Out of breath and your heart beating quickly you ready yourself to cross the ladder as carfully as you could, the metal creaking beneath you as you carfully and quickly made your way to the middle, you took a breath and dared to look back over your shoulder to check on the group that was trailing you, your eyes widen as one of them grabbed ahold of the ladder you were standing on and began to shake it to throw you off balance, making you sway from side to side.
The added cargo on your back threw you off easily as you feel your foot slip to the side making you fall down into the rushing water below, the cold temperature of the river made your body freez as you plunged below the surface making it hard for you to move your arms and legs for a second before doing your best to swim to back up, successfully you breached above the water and took a breath of freash air.
Doing your best to clear your blurry vision of the water in your eyes, you looked around now well aware of the cargo that had detached from the fall now floating freely in the water, the group of MULEs grabbing whatever they could as the boxes rushed past the shour line, leaving you to be pushed futher down with the current, your cries for help going unheard and ignored as you were thrown back under the surface, water filling your mouth and lungs from not having time to hold your breath before being dragged back under the water.
Breaching the surface again you flailled a bit as you try to swim to the side of the river bank to stop yourself from flowing further down the river, though with exaustion finally catching up to you, your muscles proved to almost be at their limit as your hand barley scraped by the side of a rock to try to stop yourself only to miss as another strong rush of water violently pushed you back under. In your desperation you opend your eyes in the water to try to see where the hell you were going only for a sharp rock that stuck out from the underside of the river bank to come into veiw, and without time to react your body smashed into the the rough stone hard before you continued to float freely down the fast paced river.
Barly conscious you try and struggle to breach the surface once again, though failing this time due to the tiredness that corsed through your bones, in your fuzzy vision under the water your eyes caught a figure in black at the side of the river that stood with their hands behind their back, head tilted as they watched you flow down the rushing stream, weakly and in a attempt of survival you raised your hand towrds the figure in dark clothing in hopes that they would help you and pull you out.
Only for them to stand idle, watching you flow further and further down the rushing current of water, the last thing you see of the them is their hand raising and waving to you as if bidding you farewell, a wave of panic settled over you as you try to look for a way out of the cold water, as you were surveying any way out, your blurry vision caught sight of just where the rushing water was taking you, fast approaching was the edge of the cliff, the torrent of water cascading off the the side of the mountain with a thunderous roar.
A small rush of adrenaline corsed through your body as you desperately looked around for a way out, swimming up you weakly pop your head up just above the water, gasping in freash air when you did and shaking your head to get the droplets of water out of your eyes, your arms fighting to keep you above the rivers cold surface.
Looking around in a panic your eyes spot a large old fallen tree, the old chunk of wood laid on it's side on a small cliff that hung above the waters surface, the branches hanging just low enough that you could reach and hoist yourself to safety. As the adrenaline rush begain to wear off you knew you needed to make your move or else you coud very well die and cause a damn void-out this close to the City, fighting against exhaustion and in one final attempt of saving yourself you grab ahold of a stray branch that was just low enough to pull yourself up above and out of the water to catch your breath, successfully stopping yourself from flowing any further down the rushing river.
Tieredly you pulled yourself up further onto the thick branch, your body coming to rest on the bark as your arms fall weakly between the limbs, fingers brushing the water below you as you breath heavily. Coming out in shaky huffs of air you began to cough and gag up the water out of your lungs, making your body shake and burn with the force as you gasp fresh air back into your buring throat. With a groan of pain you rest your head on your arm you and take a moment to think, your mind racing with the near death experience you just went through, as you lay there in silence your ears pick up the sound of footsteps walking towards you slowly, the gravel moving under their shoes as they walked, unable to lift your head fully at the moment you twist your neck slightly to look at whoever was approaching you.
A deep voice spoke as they came to a stop in front of you, "Well, well, well.. ain't you a fighter?" a deep male voice spoke as he came to crouch down in front of you, his arms resting on his knees, your eyebrows furrowed as you weakly glare at the figure in black, a golden skull mask covering his face, the same figure that stood by and watched you nearly get swallowed by the raging water "thought i was gonna have myself a show today but... seems like the fun is ruined" he said mocking a disappointed tone before his hand came to poke your shoulder lightly in a playful manner "seems like you had yourself a little accident back there, huh little porter?" he said teasingly. You could just hear the smile behind the mask he was wearing, and you couldn't help but glare up at him. With a growl, you spoke angerly. "Go... fuck yourself, you were just going to let me fall to my death and cause a void-out you asshole" you shakily say before you spat at the ground next to his feet, continuing to scowl up at him in anger you opend your mouth to continue speaking "what the hell is wrong with you, you fucking prick?" you say, weakly clenching your fist in anger.
A laugh escaped his lips at your words as if you had told him a joke and he raised his arm, his pointer finger wiggled disapprovingly in your face as he spoke, "Now that's a big ol' mouth ya got there for having that big of a gash on that pretty little head of yours, so i wouldn't be so rude to your savior". he said in a teasing tone, pulling his arm back to rest on his knee. You shot daggers up at the man as you spoke agian, "My savior? you just stood there and would have watched me get launched off the edge of the cliff if i didn'tstop myself! I would have died and caused a fucking void-out just a few miles away from the City!" you weakly shouted at him.
A chuckle left his lips as he leaned back a bit, "Hmm, maybe you're right, buuut," he stopped speaking as he looked over his shoulder, pointing to the sky before continuing to speak. "By the look of that there storm coming in, i don't think you'd want me to leave you here, huh?" he said looking back towards you again ith a tilt of his head, a frown crossed your face as your eyes peak up at the sky, the ominous warning sign of the upside-down rainbow that peaked below the cotton clouds a forewarning of the timefall downpour that was heading your way.
You lay your head back down on your arm as you looked back at the man that was still crouched down in front of you, eyebrows now furrowed in pain and closing your eyes as the adrenaline was fully wearing off and a throbbing burning sensation took over your body as you groan in pain "fuck" you swore under your breath as the cold air started to get to you. Making your body shake violently, the blood running down your forehead stained the arm of your porter suit and dripping down into the water slowly, "look man just piss off i.. i can take care of myself" you say, your words slurring as you spoke while trying to move yourself but only getting as far as rolling onto your back and laying accross the uncomfortable tree branches, your hand weakly coming up to to cover the wound on your head.
The rustling of clothes caught your attention as you tierdly looked back over at the hooded man that stood up, now with his hands on his hips and head tilting to the side with a low hum, "you know what sweetheart? i like ya, you've got guts talkin' to me like that," he said, a soft chuckle leaving his lips as he closed the distance between the two of you, now staring directly down at you as he stood above you, "i think you and me will get along just fine, ...hell best friends even." he said in a sarcastically sweet tone, his voice slowly fading away as you start to loose consciousness, your eyesight blurring as black dots danced around your vision, the last thing you regester is the hooded man leaning down towards you and his arms hooking under your legs and upper back and gently lifted you up to his chest as he softly hummed a low tune to himself, the warmth of his body and the sound of his sickeningly voice making you melt into his arms before it all went dark.
The next thing you hear is a muffle call of your name making you wince slightly at the sound not wanting to move yet, you curled into yourself slightly as another call of your name came from the person, this time a bit louder than the one before and your eyes slightly open just a bit, recoiling slightly at the light of the outside before blinking and looking at the person that stood in front of you, that happened to be calling your name, though muffled you know that voice from anywhere, having ran into the other porter many times on your deliveries. "Sam?..." you said, your voice cracking from just waking up and from the lack of fresh water, your vision slowly unbluring as your eyes meet his.
The said older man had a confused and worried look on his face as he examined you, kneeling down slightly as he spoke again, "What the hell happened to you?" he asked roughly as he grabbed his water flask and held it out for you to take a drink out of, with a weak "thank you" you grabbed the flask with one hand while the other pushed yourself up into a sitting position and took a few gulps of the fresh drinking water, as you did he spoke again, "you too tierd to make it to your private room or something? why the hell are you passed out outside?" he joked lightly as he grabbed his flask back as you handed it back to him.
You let out a breath as you finally looked around taking in your surroundings, just behind the man the obvious sound of the timefall hitting the soil caught your attention, the cover the building protecting you from the deadly rain, you were no longer out in the open next to a rushing waterfall laying on the fallen tree, now instead you were on the ground in front of the distribution center of Capital Knot City.
swallowing, you looked back at Sam and spoke, "I just.. had a bad run-in with some MULEs.. that's all, " you say as you slowly stood up, Sam rising with you, "shit, so that's why you don't have any cargo, huh?" he asked crossing his arms.You sigh and nod your head disappointed "ya fell into a river trying to cross on a ladder, assholes made sure i'd fall in to so they could grab whatever they wanted." you said before you sighed and looked down with a small frown, a short moment of silence passed before he patted your shoulder gently before his hand went back to steady himself with the strap of the cargo backpack as he swayed a bit "well I'm glad you made it back safely." He said with a nod as he got ready to go out and deliver packeges himself.
You blink at his words as a thought crossed your mind, wait... how did you get back here? you don't remember walking or anything. Hell, the last thing you remember was passing out at the river bank after nearly getting thrown off the cliff by the rushing waterfall and.. the man in the golden skull mask, was he the one that dropped you off here? If so, how? he didn't look like any porter you had ever encountered on your journeys before.
Your thoughts were interrupted by an approaching headache, the throb making you groan quietly as you rub your face, you hear Sam speak again as he began walking away, his hood automatically coming to cover his head from the rain, "go rest up, you look like shit" he said in a dry joking tone making you let out a light laugh as you shook your head, "ya, ya, be safe asshole" you say as you turn around and slowly made your way down into the distribution center, the both of you parting your ways, you sigh as you made your way to the elevator in the middle of the room, your hand coming up to check on the gash on your head, only to be meant with stitches and what felt like a bandaid, you frown cofused and carfully peel the bandage off your forehead and hold it out in front of you to examin it, you blink and almost let out a laugh of disbelief at the smily faces that decorated the bandaid, "what the fuck" you said to yourself quietly as the floor began to slowly descend to where your privateroom was located, god you were going to need a drink after this.
In the distance up on a cliff stood Higgs, he watching as you and Sam said your goodbyes and parted separate ways, his arms crossed as he observed the two of you, a chuckle leaving his lips and his hand reached into one of his pockets and and pulled out a copy of your porter ID, his head tilting down as he examined it and spoke to himself "oh yeah, we'll be fine friends." He said lowly, his lips curling into a small smirk behind the golden skull mask as he turned himself around, and with a small shrug of his shoulders, he disappeared in the blink of an eye.
okay so TLDR Olivia Rodrigo is hosting a festival for charity with an all women lineup that is STACKED (Stevie Nicks, Bikini Kill, Doechii, Chapell Roan, list goes on its an INSANE lineup) and the ex (?) current (?) drummer for cigarettes after sex was like "ugh, we will NOT be playing 🙄"
