June 19, 2009
I don’t gamble. I don’t drink. My one vice is buying a new iPhone every summer. Well, that and lying about drinking and gambling. @gruber (John Gruber) – 133
I shower, shave, floss. I find a good street corner. I take a cleansing breath and don my cellphone costume. And I wave, by god. I WAVE. @fireland (Joshua Allen) – 119
Now and then, I'm struck by the utter meaninglessness of life. Then the sugar kicks in and I'm back to putting socks on cats. @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 98
Oh, nature. I can think of about a million better ways to inform a lady that she is not pregnant. A nice fruit basket would be lovely. @yowhatsthehaps (Sarah) – 82
Writing a screenplay is hard work. Let's skip it and make an Adam Sandler movie. @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 74
A forward-thinking entrepreneur could make some pretty good money following me around all day with a hot dog cart. @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 71
If I was Kevin Bacon, my pickup line would be "I wanna get one degree from YOU". Kyra Sedgwick would tire of it. @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 65
Dirt in my eye made me wink at an old man on the bus. I didn't want to look dumb so I took my shirt off. So anyway I'm walking home now. @baileygenine (Bailey Siewert) – 64
Even in 90 percent humidity, many people in Washington took the time this morning to iron their clothes. These people are governing you. @adamisacson (Adam Isacson) – 64
Only open bus seat is next to a guy with a well-thumbed Bible and a chatty look in his eye. I'm thanking Jesus for earbuds right now. @adamisacson (Adam Isacson) – 63
Remember pet rocks? Disco? Mood rings? That unattractive British lady who sang well? Swine Flu? Twitter? Yeah, those were crazy times. @adamisacson (Adam Isacson) – 62
I've searched the baby and it appears there isn't a knob for volume adjustment. Clearly, this is an oversight. @thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) – 61
Don't tell PETA, but I heard Obama inhaled some air and killed a bunch of microbes. Didn't get caught on camera, though. @adamisacson (Adam Isacson) – 58
I can't smell what The Rock is cooking. Thanks, Zicam. @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 56
A sad night here. My old iPhone 3G is doing that thing where it’s trying not to cry but barely holding it together. @gruber (John Gruber) – 53
I don't "make love" to my wife, I celebrate love *with* my wife. Sometimes I even throw it a surprise party in the butt. @InSoOutSo (insooutso) – 52
One kid freaks at a school carnival & you're relieved of your face-painting duties. Who knew you weren't supposed to sand between coats? @smilinbjones (Chris Pinckney) – 52
Bagginses tolds us we'd get used to milk instead of cream in coffees. Tricksy Bagginses lied to us. Evil Bagginses. @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 51
An "aviatrix" sounds like a sexy bird lady who's into spanking, and I'd give practically anything for that not to seem kind of hot. @hotdogsladies (Merlin Mann) – 46
I love my boss to death. That's why he's in the trunk of my car. @thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) – 45
