let’s fall in love for the night and forget in the morning
pairing: ichiruki
word count: 1154
warnings: none
note: i wrote this at 3am, the angst was hitting hard and this song just fits :’) ao3 link
Their meetings weren’t frequent, but they worked with what they had, and it seemed like it was enough. Until it wasn’t.
There was no question that their bond could never be severed, but it was in a way. They were still the best of friends, and when they did get together, the cadence of their conversations were normal, steady, pleasant. They bickered like old times, and they read each other like the back of their left hands. But they’d never hold hands. Something was in the way.
“How’s Inoue doing?” Rukia scolded herself for bringing up the last thing she wanted to talk about. It was selfish, because she did genuinely care for Orihime, she’d just rather keep the salt from her wounds. She’s got Ichigo’s attention and she stupidly chooses to talk about someone who isn’t here, someone who’s shoes she’d kill to fill.
“She’s doing okay. It won’t be long now.” They both mirrored each other in their crossed arms and gazes towards the setting sun. Amidst their walk, the changing sky made Rukia stop and lean against the concrete wall of the path, the gentle push and pull of water sung in the background.
Oh, was it her turn to speak? They were talking about Orihime, but She’d forgotten how long they’d been sitting in each other’s company. Part of her didn’t want to talk. She wanted to be selfish and just cherish the time they had left before she had to return home. Rukai went to say something but froze when she realized Ichigo wasn’t looking at the sunset, but at her instead.
“Is there something on my face?” She asked only mildly alarmed. It made Ichigo chuckle and move to stuff his hands in his jean pockets.
“No,” His grin persisted, and it was like his somber attitude washed away in the river before them. She had that effect on him it seemed.
But there was an unspoken rift between them, maybe because they were off in their own worlds, with their own families, but this wasn’t the first time circumstances tried to keep them apart. They’ve found each other like there was some kind of thread keeping them together, no matter how many worlds they traversed. But there was a knot in this thread.
“How are you holding up? Renji giving you any trouble?” Ichigo spoke in a faux threat but the truth was he selfishly wished there was trouble. Trouble for him to fix. Non-intrusive thoughts be damned.
He entertained them too often, and he would fall so deep he’d be on the precipice of saying ‘fuck it’ and doing what he really wants. Doing what his heart is telling him. But then his heart betrays him and changes its mind. Not because of changed feelings, but because the thought of betraying the people he loved for a singular love made his heart ache and it sent him into a whirlwind.
He wondered if she battled with her heart as much as he did. They’d been through plenty of battles, but none like this. Being bruised and bloody was one thing, and being honorable but heartbroken was another.
“He’s fine, I didn’t expect him to be so.. Forthcoming when it came to taking care of Ichika.” Rukia was thankful to be completely honest, being a mother was not something she considered until her brother asked if she had the desire at all. And she did.
Holding her daughter in her arms made her heart swell to the size of a boulder, and for something so small and pure. Soon Ichigo would know the feeling, and Rukia didn’t know how to feel about it.
“Good, I’ll have to get some pointers soon.” He said it like they were of the same mind, thinking about his impending fatherhood.
“Prepare for some sleepless nights.” Pushing off from the wall, they started walking back to the clinic, as the sun was just peeking over the horizon.
It was sadly ironic, because they both knew Ichigo’s had his fair share of sleepless nights. Rukia felt the hilt of the knife embedded in her chest twist at the thought that she caused some of them, especially when he lost his powers, and couldn’t see her. She’d never forget the pain etched into his features as he watched her fade away, and he never saw the tears staining her cheeks.
It could almost be seen as a coincidence, the night they met, she put her sword through his chest to give him his shinigami powers, and she did it again to give them back to him. And if there was one where she could take hers away and do what her heart is telling her to do, she’d hesitate.
Does being in love have to be so selfish? Do so many people have to get hurt or get in the way? No, it could’ve been easier, if only they said something sooner. But they resisted and dug themselves into their respective holes, chained down by their responsibilities. And now it feels like it's too late.
They’re both married, Rukia has a kid, and Ichigo has one on the way. They were fated to be together, but the sad thing about this thread is that you don’t see it. It’s invisible, so you can only assume who it’s attached to. And it can be stretched, and knotted and even severed. But that’s the thing. It hasn't been severed. Rukia is sure of it. Ichigo is sure of it. But they couldn’t do anything about it.
When they reach his street, Rukia begins to prepare herself for the trip back, saying goodbye was easier, but she never looked forward to it. Looking over to Ichigo, his mood is back to being somber, she could tell he shared her sentiment when it came to goodbyes. Especially in front of the clinic.
“Next time you guys can stay for dinner.”
“That sounds great.” Her eyes bore up into his, and he sported another faint grin, hoping to give her relief that he was okay. Because he was. He was okay. He could be better, but at least he was okay. Rukia copied him and smiled gently before reaching for her zanpakuto to open the Senkaimon. Ichigo watched as it appeared and opened, a bright white light casting over her. A tiny part of him tried desperately to move his feet and follow her, but he stayed planted, locking eyes with her one last time as she looked over her shoulder, “See ya.” She called.
“See ya.” Ichigo raised his hand and she waved back, finally walking forward to let the doors close behind her and disappear.
They both wouldn’t say anything, but something caught both of their eyes. And the realization made them both internally gasp at the implication. Either way, it would plague their minds for the days to come.
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